Onit's still on it! Thread 3

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Hello to anyone who's still here

Links to previous threads.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2658829-Anyone-up-DH-is-leaving-me

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2690159-Anyone-up-DH-is-leaving-me-follow-up-thread-Onits-on-it

I'm carrying on with this as I'm certain I'd be in a much unhappier state without the support I've received here.
This has become my journal of sorts and I hope it's something I can look back on in time to see how far I've come.
I also hope it helps to document the truth of my situation for the future and perhaps, if read by others, will offer help and hope to them too.

rdv, rendez vous. Sorry !

Back pain is pretty bad. Think I'll be popping my first diazepam to get a full nights sleep.
Last counselling session today for 3 weeks. Though she's told me to text or email and she'll call me if I need her.

She loved her pressie.

Onit

What have you done to your back? (apologies if I have missed it)

I have a slipped disc, and as a result sciatica so I can fully sympathise!

Me too-my back is not fit for purpose.
Glad you are alright onit-you are doing great.

It's an old weakness in my back. Didn't do anything to hurt it. I was literally standing still and felt it go.

I have my pil and sil coming to see me today. Hope they won't stay long. Dc are at school and I can make excuses that I need to get on with stuff while they're out, if they're overstaying.
Ill probably be ok but I hate that I might get emotional or upset. I need to hold it together. I hate not knowing how I'm going to react to stuff.
And, the house is a fucking midden because I can't do much because of my back.

You'll probably find that PIL and SIL might also get upset. You were (and still are) part of the family and it's going to be strange for them too.

They are coming to see you - not to look at the state of the kitchen cupboards

I was taking asprin as well as a complete cocktail of other stuff last time I was in agony - it was surprisingly effective.

Have you got a TENS machine? That also works well for me.

Pil didn't stay long but did find out they will be spending Xmas day alone. I think mil would've been more upset if my dn hadn't been here. I'm sure I would too.
Sil, bil and dn are going to his parents in another part of the country "to make it totally different from coming here"
I'm not sure what my emotions are about all this. I feel something like guilt which is obviously ridiculous. I'm sad for them all that their traditional Christmas has been altered but otoh, I offered pil a place at my table on Christmas Day a month ago and mil declined.

They are doing a family Xmas on Boxing Day (minus sil etc) and I'm not sure if ow will be there but LCB and dc will be. And then having another family thing at new year with sil etc. I'm not sure how much thought they'll give to me when I'm missing from this tradition.

Sil and dn have just gone. I'm in bits. I have to pick the dc up in half an hour and I can't stop crying.

Come on onit-hold it together.
I can imagine how bloody difficult it was seeing them and hearing about plans that no longer include you.
Did you ask them why they aren't coming to you on Christmas then if they are going to be on their own? Presumably out of some loyalty to LCB?
God he's really stuffed things up for the lot of you.
But the good take aways from today-your pil are obviously still bothered about you to have come and visited you today.Im sure you will be able to maintain a good relationship with them going forwards.
And at least LCB won't be siting being fussed over by them on Christmas Day it seems.I hope he has a bloody awful day wherever he is. You won't, because you will have your lovely kids.
Can you walk up and get the kids? But of fresh air alway helps me pull things round....
when you get back from the school run.I'll be here and I'll put the kettle on...

Thank you nigel
Just off to get dc. I'll have a cuppa with you when we get back.

Home and in onesies. Tv on for dc

I didn't ask them again to visit on Christmas Day. I didn't want to risk them turning me down again. Same reason I didn't ask if ow was going to be there on Boxing Day or new year, as it can only serve to hurt me and I don't need that.

Your DC will let you know soon enough if OW was there.
I think you can bet your last dollar that pil are pretty miserable with what LCB has done, but cannot openly criticise him. Hopefully they won't like her if she does go
I'm having tea here too

My breath keeps catching in my throat
Dc are watching Tom and jerry and eating everything in sight. This time tomorrow I'll be getting ready to pack them off. I don't know if I can do this

Onit, calm down, have a quiet moment & breath deeply.
you have known they are going to LCB for a long time now, You are having them on Xmas day, It will be OK it really will.
While they are with him, do some pampering, stay in bed, take long baths, GET some rest. do a bit of exercise & try & get your back to ease up.
Please remember don't look at the whole picture, just baby steps..
You can & you must do this. I wish I was there to come & hold your hand

I have loads to do over the next few days , not least wrap all the fecking presents, shop for and prepare all the food and clean the house.
But I hope to make time for some self care each day and sleep.
I can't lose it. It's not an option.

Could you get Dcs to help tidy? Tell them you have a bad back. (Tell them you need to tidy for Father Xmas !)
Once they have gone to lCB, you can get all the presents out & wrap with no hype (I dream !!!) The food is for you 3 ? please don't get worked up about it.
Take your time, you are on NEW meds, you do not need to get in a fuss over the cleaning (who is seeing it) or the food (who is eating it).
I know you want this all to be perfect for Dcs, but if they know you are in pain they will understand. THEY are not judging you.
Onit, it is OK, be kind to yourself.

Just posting to send you some hugs onit. Focus on your lovely Christmas with your DC. Can a friend help you tidy and get the place all nice and Christmassy? I would pop round and do it in a heartbeat!

I have my detailed list to write for the next 3 days. I'll make sure to add in time for me. I need to prioritise that.
I have all day tomorrow while the dc are at school to get on top of the house/washing etc.
My best friend is driving 2 hours to see me tomorrow evening so that'll be a good distraction. Dc are going to LCB tomorrow till Xmas eve morning.
I have 7 to feed on Xmas day (dsis and her family) but that's not stressing me. I've got most things except the turkey crown already. But I bought a ham that'd feed the street so we'll not starve if I mess it up.
But I'll make sure I have some pizza in the freezer just in case.

I would love pizza for Christmas dinner to be fair-I don't even like turkey over much.This year stab ex h might end up wearing it anyway so I might get some emergency pizza in too!

Still can't imagine how you're going to make it through nigel and what kind of dickheaded asshole your stbxh is

I hope you have plenty of booze/chocolate/drugs to see you through.

Nor can I.
Had to sit through the girls carol concert with ex best friend gurning at me this morning. Bloody awful.
It makes me so hugely anxious that it then obviously colours all interactions with stbexh-i still can't really believe what they have done here.so how the bugger I'm going to get through dd1s briefest Larry in Friday, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day (dd1's actual birthday) is a mystery.
I dare not drink really as think would lose it with him.
I usually love Christmas but I so want it to be January already this year!

Briefest Larry.hahaha.birthday party even.

I'll be here over all those days too. I'm happy to listen to you vent if/when you need to.
You've been here for me and it would be nice to return the favour.

Thankyou onit.
Having a bit of a wobble I must admit..Need to shake myself a bit.

Well both be fine.
Someone told me that I have to remember that, despite all the shit that's happened and is happening, I have a 100% survival rate.
And so do you.