My daughter has been taken away from me.

[Emmie1201]

It isn't fair, I'm her mum. Mum knows best :( I can't believe they're allowed to do this.

Because that's how it reads. The child was hurt and SS were involved after her hospital visit, and went into foster care. The OP said that. She also said she had warnings to keep him away, and somehow didn't comply and has now lost her child.

The trouble with the 'it takes longer than four hours' thing is how long it takes the OP to get things together is absolutely crucial for getting care of her DD back. She doesn't have the luxury of taking time to come to terms with things now DD is in foster care.

BratFarrars, I believe you. There are still unsympathetic police officers who lack training in domestic violence, Hopefully , these are the exception to the norm and you should take details of their collar number ( on their uniform) or ask for it ,and report this unsympathetic response to your local domestic violence office or SS. The statistics where repeated domestic violence in the home results in serious injury or death are alarming.

Please listen to the advice on this thread if you want a chance of getting your DD back. My sister now has a special guardianship order for her granddaughter as the mother failed to protect her from a violent man under similar circumstances, and couldn't see what she was doing wrong.

Mum does not know best. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get pro active , they are protecting your DD, you are not. You need to get pro active, involve the police, tell them everything, get a non- molestation order, get help securing your house, call the police immediately if he comes anywhere near you and don't give in .

Thank you Slotted

I agree , Offred. She should be pulling out all the stops with all the agencies mentioned on the thread to prove to them she will do what she needs to do to get her baby back.

SS had to act right now. The child was one known to them and was injured while on their watch. They had to step in. All these stories in the papers where children get hurt and "the family were known to SS" We all get outraged hearing about those cases of abuse that they didn't protect the child sooner before they came to harm.

What support do you have OP? List it now if you can here

What I want to know is is this shit of a man going to be put in prison so op, her dd and countless others he beats up/harasses are safe? That's what's wrong with our society. How many of us have been abused and these people just carry on their lives whilst we have the 'responsibility' to start afresh. It's fucked up.

I agree the girl is safer in foster care. But it seems mum is afraid of standing up to him. Even if she calls the police he'd come back later. Upping sticks would be the thing to do but wouldn't be necessary if this violent person was locked up so she, her dd and others were safe. Removing her dd was necessary because he was a threat. Why ot lock him up instead of removing the child?!! His rights trump the right of his child to live peacefully with her mother.

She wouldn't have to prove she could protect her from this abusive person if he was locked up. If he's that much of a threat and ss know it, why is he allowed to walk the streets?

well if the guy nearly broke her 4 yo DD's back, what has he done to Op in the past? I'd be bloody scared. Please get professional help op. I agree, why is this man even walking the streets? That doesn't make sense to me.

First of all: troll hunting is against mn rules. Especially in such a sensitive situation. STOP IT NOW. If my DD had been taken away I would be desperate. Where is your humanity ffs? If you think it's not real then report and stop reading the thread.
Second: trifll, you're so sure of yourself in your posts but you've got it the wrong way round. OP said SS first got involved when her DD was in hospital, they made demands of her that she thought she was complying with but now several months later they have taken DD into foster care. You are assuming that OP let the ex in but you don't know this. She said she ran away to a hotel.
OP I apologise for talking about you instead of to you. I hope you feel able to take the good advice from some posters about calling women's aid.

Wow, I have read OPs posts and from what she wrote the ss got involved after he had pushed her dd, he was then kicked out but keeps returning! Go back and read the little information she feels capable to give us atm. She has been given advise that will help her position and people need to leave it at that.

Emmie I am very sorry this is happening to you and your dd.

Please, please do not lose your daughter because of your arse hole ex. I am sure he is very scary but please remember he is a shitty coward. Look at who he is victimizing, a four year old girl and her mum! What an utter shit bag. Please get as angry as you can about HIM and what he has done to your dd and to you. Do not waste any energy or anger on social services who have acted in your dd's best interests.

My son is adopted, he was almost as old as your dd when he came to us. His birth mum could not prioritize his needs over the needs of his birth father. I do not believe that is you, I think you can do it, you can break free. I hope so.

Please follow all the advice on here.

Do not miniimisze what happened, look at the language you use, as others have pointed out. She did not hurt her back, he hurt it, please do not say 'it wasn't broken' as if that somehow makes it seem slightly better, of course it could have been worse, he could have broken her back or even killed her! Who knows what some people are capable of, and even if an adult does not intend to kill a child, children are so very fragile compared to adults!

Be honest with social services, say you really, really want to work this out and be able to live with your dd and care for her.

In the future, if you get her back, move away and start a new life. You will be able to look back on this awful, terrible time and know you came through it. SHE needs you, but not the you who does not know how to handle things, or the you who is trying to appease her ex or whatever.

And believe me I have no idea how awful your ex has been to you both - and I totally understand you are scared of him.

But please find that primal part of you which will fight against him and fight for your dd.

I have no idea how tough all of this has been for you, you are a victim too, he is the arse hole who is keeping you from your dd. Please do all you can.

I love my son and I am so delighted to parent him, but I am sad his birth mum could not prioritize him enough to keep on caring for him as his mum. I believe you will have that strength, but you are going to have to dig deep to do this, please find it in you to ring Women's Aid, speak to Social Services and get your girl back and then keep her safe, because that is really the number one job of a mum.

op i am going to say this gently .you were NOT protecting your child who cares what he threatens his actual presence near your home is a danger .if you get your child back you must phone the police immediately not whine that ss have taken her .it is there duty to keep a child safe who is in danger .sorry but you are not being a good mother to let this continue sorry to sound harsh but i feel you dont get it blaming everyone but yourself .

Obviously we never know for certain whether any poster is genuine, but I have to say that anyone who has had any insight into the work of social services - and there actually have been a couple of social workers on this thread - knows that cases like this are all too common. Either the OP herself or any number of unknown women crouching in fear in their own homes are reading this and saying to themselves "he was right, nobody would believe me". So I'm asking you out of simple humanity, kindly cut it out and either answer as though you believed every word or report quietly and step away. Just because you have the right to post what you like on an open forum does not mean it is the right thing to do.

By the way, I know someone who lost residence of their child due to their house being an utter mess as well. There was no violence involved and they were a genuinely loving parent. But believe me, it was the right result. Sometimes mess is a sign of a lot more than just an inability to tidy up.

As sad and awful as it is for you, SS will always act to protect the child

Hardly surprising that it was someone who claims to be a SW who wrote this

SS don't act to protect children they act to protect the legal obligations of the LA who employ them. There is a huge difference

emmie right now you have to show SS you are working towards providing a safe home for your DD - it's hard not to try and argue about last events or justify them but rightly or wrongly it's often seen as justifying behaviour - even when you weren't in the wrong.

My advice would be to do a SAR or FOI request for all the documents pertaining to your Dds case. Go through it. There can sometimes be reports that are written in a way that the information reads differently to the actual events.

Keep a diary. Log previous events. When ex turns up or turned up and what your actions were to protect DD.

Write a list of all the things you are going to do to provide DD a safe and stable home. List places you'll contact, log any calls and what you discussed including advice they gave you and how you'll follow it with timelines.
You are always in social care cases at the mercy of come ones objective opinion - but rest assured any decision would have been fully intended to provide your DD a safe environment.

You now need to show how you'll provide the same.

is there a victim support service near you? I've found having a counsellor type person who rings me every few weeks has been amazing. It's someone not involved who listens and advises (different situation) and can contact people on your behalf with permission.

Yes, the legal obligations of the LA to safeguard children. What's your point?

Anniegetyourgun re "Either the OP herself or any number of unknown women crouching in fear in their own homes are reading this and saying to themselves "he was right, nobody would believe me". So I'm asking you out of simple humanity, kindly cut it out and either answer as though you believed every word or report quietly and step away. Just because you have the right to post what you like on an open forum does not mean it is the right thing to do."

Totally agree, we never know who is reading this.

Women who are in danger need to know they will be believed by their friends and wider society and by the police. That they can get advice and help from Women's Aid and that this is absolutely what they must do when they or their children are at risk.

And women should not have to protect themselves from violent men. Those men should be removed, locked away, fined, by the police without the need for frightened women to press charges so that the child is safe in their own home. If the man is the problem, then the man should be dealt with until he learns or is forced (eg jailed) not to go back and carry on being violent and abusive.

One of the things that SS take VERY seriously as well is not just that you're 'ticking the box' on the things they want you to do/not do, is that you have full and total insight into the situation/relationship that they are concerned about.

If they think that you haven't quite grasped the seriousness / danger they will remove children. Social services have very little leeway on their thinking. It's black and it's white. If you keep straying into grey then that can be enough for them to take a child away.

And being picky with terminology but when someone says 'I'm trying' - that's a red flag to me. A counsellor once said to me "Trying is lying" - you can try all day long, you've got to do.

As I understand it your partner "pushed" your little girl so hard she sustained a serious injury and was taken to hospital. SS became involved and would have told your partner he was to move out and have no contact with the child. You would also have been told that if you had contact with him your child will be removed. You will have had a lot of input from SS with them providing support and suggestions as to how best you keep your child safe. They will have suggested you move out of the area to an address unknown to him.

Removing your child from your care hasn't happened suddenly OP. You have been given time and opportunities to better your situation to ensure your child's future safety.

You child has been removed and placed into foster care. You will still be allowed contact with your child, in a safe environment (most likely a contact centre). You will also be given more chances to prove you are a good mum who CAN keep your child safe. You are going to have to undergo many assessments and work with SS if you have any chance of your child being returned to you. You have a lot to prove to them.

I adopted 2 children. Not siblings. In both cases SS worked with their parents for years before they removed the children permanently. In one case 4 years the other 6 years. One case was almost identical to what you describe.

You need to understand that having a child abuser anywhere near your child is not ever going to get your child back. A plan of action - where to live - well away from that thug - would be the first step and make sure you never have any contact with him ever again. Once SS can see you are putting your child's needs before your own you will be on the road to being reunited. You have a LOT of work to do and you have to gain a LOT of peoples trust .

Think of this. All children deserve a safe, happy childhood. If a birth parent cannot provide their basic needs and rights then foster/adoptive parents will. Bear in mind that children are considered "unadoptable" after a certain age and the longer it takes you to sort yourself out the more chance there is that your DD's life will be in limbo whilst she is waiting for security. And if it takes too long she will never have a forever home with adopted parents. She will be moved round and round the care system.

Ultimately the decision is yours.

Hi Emmie. So sorry that you're in this situation. Social services have taken her as they are trying to protect your daughter from what they see as a risk to her, and from what you have said, he is a risk. You need to get away from this man permanently. The only way to do this is not to let him have control anymore. Get a restraining order, when he comes round call the police, and press charges if he smashes windows or threatens you. Work with social services, jump through every hoop they give you so you will get her back. Womens Aid will help you if you ring them.