Teepish I'd say that your last paragraph "My instinct says......" is absolutely the right way to go. It's hard, and occasionally you'll snap and react to him, or say something to dd you'll wish you hadn't, but it's unavoidable. A normal man would see his dd was in a difficult position at handover, and say something useful, like "Come on now, mum's here, see you later." But they don't, they can only think of themselves. So you just have to do what you know is right. It's difficult because she's only 5.
As she gets older, and life with Disney Dad becomes more like real life, it will get easier. I have nothing to do with my ex apart from texts and the odd message via my ds (11). My other dc is 9. I don't therefore have to have any sort of physical hand over, it's a massive relief.
Hi to everyone else on the new thread. To answer your question 2012. It's just a bit of light hearted fun. I know somebody very slightly through my work, he lives locally. With the collective MN wisdom, I decided to bite the bullet today and contact him via a note, asking about some work he might do for me. So now just awaiting a reply/phone call. I do need the work doing, but it's also a ploy to possibly get to know him better!!
Foof will have a look at that thread.