Support thread for those of us having to 'co-parent' with a narc or very difficult exh thread 3

[Lilacpink40]

Thred 3!

Your genuine and well-founded concerns for your ds's safety, well being and routine as against his sense of entitlement to have ds delivered to him when it suits him

Who read that and had an uncanny sense of their life being described in a nutshell?

I did!

Will post properly later, for all in the meantime

2012 it's good you've taken legal advice. That's the only thing I can think to recommend, and don't ever let him have passports.

Kate have you tried local police see whether there is anything they can do or suggest?

for you both suffering from WN twisted shit.

Thanks DUSTERS.
Your post actually made me think that I should look at this another way.
X can't co parent now and is only 5 mins away so the possibility
of them doing this a plane ride away is zero!
Yipppeeeee.
So X can demand / rant/ strut about as much as they want, the reality is, X just won't be here!
Thank you

Is it too early for wine??????

Jesus LILAC - my blood has just run cold....
X mentioned them organising new passports for Ds. As His runs out in 2017.
How can I stop them doing it?

Don't you need both parents to sign to renew passports 2012? Can't remember how it works in the UK. Or is it possible to register your lack of consent for DS to travel with the Border Authorities (that's what my ex did when he didn't want DD to visit England with me, didn't work for him because I'm the main parent and he didn't have a good reason but you are the main parent and have a very good reason to not give your consent so hopefully would work for you). I think there's also a Prohibited Steps Order that might be applicable in these circumstances - anyone else know the system better and know what to do?

Thanks so much for your reply NAT .
I haven't checked anything yet - I just panicked ! .
God the hold X still has to stop me in my tracks . I hope it gets better when they've gone...m
I'll have a look online later when I've eaten and had a glass of wine.

I don't want to alarm you but I renewed by children's passports last year without WNs consent/knowledge. It only needs one parents signature to do this.

My gut feeling is the same as everyone else's - do not let him anyway near the passports. If hey are in your possession now check the date and fob him off by telling him they don't need to be renewed. If they do need doing then do them yourself and don't hand them over.

Thanks NAME . I've got them and now I'm clued up about it I' will definitely fob X off about it.
Oh gosh, I am SO THANKFUL for is thread. I'm so silly I may have just handed the, over to X saying okay- you organise it!!!!! Without realising the consequences .
Does anyone else hate that we have to constantly be on guard for all the blasted little "trick" w/n's get up to?

2012. I didn't tell DS anything about WN really - I have tried to let him make up his own mind with gentle encouragement from me to discuss how he feels.

He told me that he might want to see WN if he apologised and promises to never throw him around or get physical/pushy with him again. I didn't really know what to say but asked him to think about the last few visits there and how he had felt (about 6 out of 8 he asked me to collect him after arguments) I said that was what he needed to base his feelings on rather than words/promises from WN. Hope I said the right thing.

I too think you only need one parents signature to apply for passport - need to send the old one in and it gets sent to the address where the children are based (I think) it sounds as though you have valid reasons for not letting him go. How about an offer/agreement that for the next year he sees him in this country while they settle in and everyone gets used to the new routine? Sounds reasonable to me.

Definitely don't let him get his hands on them then - get then locked away securely.

Ex called the police on me tonight, because we've been too busy to answer the phone the last few days They asked me to call him to let him know we're alright, so I did and he proceeded to shout at my OH and threaten him for about half an hour, he then decided to do the same to me while I tried to explain why things are the way they are right now. Urgh. So now its quarter past 10 and DD is still wide awake and too upset to go to bed yet so she's watching cartoons and I'm dreading the morning.

2012 I think purple's suggedtion is good. After a year they'll have used the room planned for DS for other things and quite likely not be bothered to arrange anything more complicated. Also DS will be a year older, a year with little contact, so is more likely to be listened to if he says no.

Nat your WN sounds like a real thug. Can you record the calls?

I'm just wondering if this could help with a restraining order?

PURPLE- that is a great idea. I'll will offer this idea and we can take it from there. Passports will go to my mums safe tomorrow.
THANK YOU EVERYONE X

NAT; what a complete w/n . I'm so on your behalf . for you & oh and some hot chocolate for your lovely dd... Hope she gets to sleep soon.

Nats It's a shame the police couldn't have just phoned him and said they'd seen you and all was well. I'm quite surprised they even got involved. Weren't you waiting for some sort of decision/report about your ex and subsequently supervised access?

2012 glad you've got a plan!

Nat God what an arse he is, I'm surprised about the police too. Surely in a case like yours it would be better for them to get back to him to report that you were fine, once they'd got involved, not expect you to do it!

More entitled twattery from WN and now silence. Trying to ignore and not dwell on what's next.

Erm, think we need a new thread! Anyone want to do the honours before we accidentally fill up this one and lose each other? (Not being lazy, have an almost pathological fear of looking like an entitled twat!)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/divorce_separation/2803565-Support-thread-for-those-of-us-having-to-co-parent-with-a-narc-or-very-difficult-exh-thread-4
Have tried new page...

Why thank you lilac, will head over there now

Hello all
It's been a while...
Nat he sounds awful. Hope you're ok.
Ex came to pick up DC last night (they have been refusing to stay with him) & before he came they kept saying they don't want to go but I've been gently encouraging (after some fab advice on here) & when he came to collect them they were SO excited & happy & I was invisible & one of them even gave him a piece of junk modelling she had made for me... So that's really good right? But he just makes me absolutely wither. And I say ridiculous things. And he makes me feel so & I felt completely empty when they left last night & now this morning I feel a bit lost....the last time they stayed with him was nearly 8 weeks ago)....They are due back this afternoon. I was busy last night but now feeling like I'm on a huge come down. Anyone ever get like this?