Support thread for those of us having to 'co-parent' with a narc or very difficult exh thread 3

[Lilacpink40]

Thred 3!

Just to add my friend with the dh who's having an affair and refusing to leave the house, is coming round tonight with her dc. We shall be cracking open a bottle of Chateau WN. He's suddenly become Dad and House husband of the year (previously made a sloth look like Usain Bolt!).

He's doing such a number on her, even asking why can't he sleep in the same bed !!???!! This thread and MN advice/info over the years has been so helpful in being able to talk through things with her. What we all now know as the script, NPD, the legal issues etc are a whole new world for her. But she's starting to see it all. Wish I'd had MN when I was in my EA relationship, ho hum .....

Oh, and Natsku I meant to ask if you are still being partially electrocuted by your shower ??

Thanks for your support
Thankfully all I have to do at the hearing is turn up and look heavily pregnant lol barrister will do all the talking 👍🏻
My solicitor hit the nail on the head yesterday when she said from my past experience that I don't have faith in the system which is true, I'm trying to be positive but it's very hard when I've been down this road before and DS1 who was 12 at the time and myself were completely shafted, the supposed trained cafcass worker at the time asked an autistic boy (who had expressed he wanted to go with me) 'do you want things to change?' An abstract question instead of 'who do you want to live with?' 😡😡 recent involved from sw means I've basically already been assessed and sw believe me to be a 'good and fit mother capable of caring for and protecting my children' with no more involvement needed by ss, so yet another strike thru SF's already very flimsy case 👍🏻

Chrystal I really feel for you. Will be rooting for you all of Monday.

I absolutely hate the power that the Social Workers have, on such limited info. I welcomed ours with open arms when she arrived finally and said I was so grateful for someone to help/offer advice. She said it was most unusual to be welcomed like that - I meant it! I needed help with WN x 2 and my poor DCs. The reality was a hasty conversation with my DCs that really only represented that 5 mins in their life i.e 'We love Auntie X so much, she is brilliant' reality = Auntie X had just sent them some money in the post and they haven't seen her for over a year. Their God parents and my family that they are extremely close to and are a brilliant support to us weren't mentioned in that 5 minute chat - so no mention of them at all in report by SW. It's such a ridiculous system.

Our SW also made lots of recommendations to me including mediation for WN and kids etc... never mentioned in writing by her so dismissed in court.

chrystal here's hoping the court will see this for what it is, SH trying to exert control rather than acting in the interests of your DC. I understand about not trusting the system through being shafted before, I have the same worries. Just got to be brave and hope for better, what more can we do?

purple I don't think I can add much to the wise words already said, so I won't try. Just and I'm thinking of you.

dusters I also feel like I'm living the excitement through you! The sad life of a LP eh. also for your friend, I have thought about her and how difficult things must be for her. I'm glad that by helping you help her, at least something good has come from our shared experiences.

I'm seeing a friend for a chat next week. She's been through similar a while back, no DC but the WN involves still harasses her occasionally, despite being married these men really can't bear losing control. I know she'll be scathing about the behaviour of the men in my life, sometimes we all need to hear that. IT'S NOT US!!

Thank you for your kind words about my friend greencar Sorry yours is also connected to a WN. I've known her for 7 years, and in all that time she's NEVER been out for the day without the kids. She very occasionally (like twice a year) goes to a friend's house for a drink. We have never been out on our own. How crazy is that ?

I'm glad we can all enjoy my pursuit of Mr HJM, it's a bit of fun, isn't it ? I'm worried that he's too normal I only go for rescuing messed up mummy's boys - how will I relate to a normal functioning man !!!

Dusters I think sacrificing a chicken under a full moon is ok if...

1. It's done humanely
2. Attractive man is with you
3. Attractive man uses it to make a tasty roast for you

Didn't you say at one point that your hobby is naked bell-ringing, could teach each other tricks?

WN can sometimes challenge our sanity, but they'll never take our humour.

It's been a good day. I had to explain to one of my DSs out-of-school groups that, whilst I pay for the group, WN takes him as it's usually the day he chooses to have DC. This means I don't get all the reminders and can't practise skills with DS at home.They were very understanding and it felt good to know that they'll look out for DS.

Still getting shocks dusters OH checked the shower with his electrician tools and found out there's 9 volts going between the shower and the drain, so that explains it. Does feel like putting a 9 volt battery on your tongue. But no idea why!!

Natsku how much friction is going on next to shower curtain to generate 9v?

I think you could sell that shower/curtain idea to Ann Summers Natsku ! Sounds a bit kinky.

Lilac Glad you've had a good day. Can you ring a bell and sacrifice a chicken at the same time ? Very tricky if you're naked, where would you put your knife (or your bell) (or the chicken) ?

Natsku are you sure your DP (with all his electrical skills ) isn't aiming for a bit of 'Shades of Grey' action?

Dusters you know if there's a newsreport about this in the future kinky couple experiment with animals and metal devices in local beauty spot? You'll have spectacularly outed yourself.

Shades of grey purple 😂😂

Shagging in the shower is a bad idea. That's all I'm saying

I'm still wondering how Natsku knows what it feels like to have a 9v battery on your tongue...

green

Hello, can I join?? Feeling particularly shite...

Background is, I successfully kicked out exH 3.5 yrs after 10 years of EA and Lazy Entitled Manchild Syndrome. Divorce cane through this year. In the meantime I have done a year of psychotherapy and got ExH to actually have meaningful contact with dc. In among all that he has moved in with new gf (how quickly they move......)

All going Ok. Youngest has ASD and can get anxious. She started Year 7 this year which I have been obviously anxious about. dd2 has been extremely stressed and this is now dragging on and she has become low in mood and I'm worried about her.

She spends one night in the week at his. But over a number of weeks has said that not only does she hate school but hates living in two houses. I have contacted school about all this and am waiting to hear back. After a term-and-a-half of this and in light of the low mood (which is new) I have decided the time has come to give her a break from the midweek night at his to alleviate some of the stress. One thing dd said is when she lies awake at night, worried, she doesn't feel she can go in to him. And recounted lying and imagining she was brave enough to scream for me.

So I asked to talk to him about this today face to face. So we could properly discuss the way forward.

So I described what dd has said to me - some of which was sad to hear coming out of the mouth of an 11 year old. He just stood there blankly saying 'she's been fine with me' yes because she doesn't feel as safe with you to disclose how she feels. Thus I am telling you you fuckwit Then I told him I feel she needs a break from weeknights with him for now. To be clear, this is something my dd almost bit my hand off when suggested. She was so grateful to have the chance to just be here in the week.

ExH's reaction? To look cross and offended. He had to go somewhere so after that so I texted and offered to discuss further. His response 'I'm upset she doesn't want to be here but I'll try and get my head round it and won't let her know I'm upset (WTF?) hopefully school can help. Keep me posted.

Typical lack of empathy and making it about him. They bloody never change do they. God help us.

Sorry for the rant..............

Evening all.
Oh my goodness,move missed loads...or totally joined the wrong thread.

Please can I have ;

• 1 bottle of vintage chateaux w/n,
• 1 friction shower curtain, 1 naked bell ringing session,
• Followed by roasted - sacrifice- jerk chicken 😁😁😆😆😬😀😄😊😉

Handywoman - the blank look and 'oh she's been fine with me' is so very typical. Remember: the only perspective that is relevant to them is their own.

A-hem, what is all this about shower-sex, 9 volt references and 50 shades of Grey? My goodness the things that happen on this thread!!!

Dusters, save some of the CWdeN for me.

Green - hello!!

Someone talk me back from the edge - I want to message ex telling him I 'see' him (shameless film reference) and that I understand and still live him so very much.

Hi handy and welcome. We all have our different crap!!

I am a bit confused by yours? So your X has basically kept to access arrangements until now? And he seems to be saying that he will respect the situation with your DD and go without seeing her? Is he liable to go back on that then? I'm guessing he is trying to do the right thing by not letting her see he is upset by the drop in access?

He has kept to access arrangements (after 2 years of not really seeing them) yes, and now that we have to tweak things for the benefit of a very stressed daughter he can't express any concern for how she is, just makes it all about him and takes it personally and gets cross. It makes me incredibly nervous about managing him as well as dd.

I just feel back to treading on eggshells with him. Horrible.

Frog, no! No silly texts. Imagine I'm confiscating your phone.

For every silly text to an ex, a fairy dies don't you know. Stay strong

I feel your anxiety, Handy.

Silver lining: he's running the normal Narc course - at least it's predictable?

OhB - I fear I need an intervention.

We need a Narc-anon convention

thanks for all the laughs. It's been a tough evening with my friend.

I too was wondering how Natsku knew about the 9v battery on the tongue sensation!!

Frog Please, please don't send that text. Can you do something for me? Hopefully it'll take your mind off things for a few minutes. I need to give my friend a really thorough but clear explanation of NPD. Do you have a link I could click through to and print out some info for her. He was trying to manipulate her not to come. Then he texted her saying he was crying alone at home, she should be there working things out. WTF!! Then he texted (bearing in mind it's late, dark, raining and she has several young dc) could she go and buy him a takeaway !!!!

I said to her how can you be so calm, I would literally have made his life hell by now and screeched my head off at him. She said yes, everybody else keeps asking that. She was saying they'd be spending xmas at his mums. I asked how she could even consider being with him at xmas, let alone at his mums. I think she's absolutely f**king terrified of him. She said she'd be home by a certain time and was literally running around to leave when she needed to. What can I do?

Oh, and of course he's said he doesn't think he could survive if they split up. In one text she read out he'd allegedly taken loads of painkillers (he's a complete liar). I said it was a shame he hadn't finished the packet (not my finest moment). I told her it's part of the script.

Hello Handy. Hope you find some support with us. It's the utter selfishness isn't it, just breath taking.