Porn, lies, porn, lies and repeat.

[Pornybastard]

Title in a nutshell really.

Been with DH 11 years, caught him on some really nasty stuff nearly 7 years ago and wanted to kick him out but got the whole "all men do it" trope so I swallowed it hook line and sinker. This was before I realised just how fucked up the industry is and if I'd have known then what i know I would have made bunting from the reg flags and thrown a party to celebrate his departure but he said (and acted!) as if he had changed, he was very clued up on how damaging it is to intimacy and very VERY certain that part of his life was over and he had grown up and respected women deeply and understood my feminist viewpoint and supported me 100%, even laughing at "sad bastards" (his words) that threw away loving wives and families over a wank.

Well...(you know what's coming)

Caught him again yesterday, on those dodgy chat roulette and some sort of porn messenger app. I've kicked him out, he's at his mothers but if it wasn't for our DC I would love nothing more than never to see his grotty, lying, hypocritical face ever again.

I'm smart, have an excellent career and I'm attractive -no Samantha Brick but we can't all be modelesque eh? Please keep me motivated to keep the little tosses out. Just needing some moral support as the family are now butting in with the "Just one more chance he lurrves you" shite

Yonicprobe - porn is not ALL harmful. Very broad statement. It's harmful if you're affecting/hurting another person by watching it & of course if the subject matter of the porn is very disturbing i.e. Rape porn or as bad as child porn but there are very mild types of porn out there too.

LH, you forgot another "category" of "harmless" porn

all the porn that you use

Oh, and there is no such thing as "child" porn. You are further demonstrating your ignorance there.

LH the porn industry is, in general, harmful. Particularly for women. There is widespread abuse and exploitation. But this thread is not about the rights and wrongs of porn.

Yonicprobe - prime example; "50 shades of grey". By definition this is pornographic material. So if you've read that book then....

"printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate sexual excitement."

Oh, and there is no such thing as "child" porn.

Thank you, AF. Was just about to post the same myself.

My IGNORANCE of child pornography is normal, I'm absolutely certain 99.9% of the human race have no knowledge or wish to seek no knowledge of it!

I've taken to avoiding the porn threads because it usually degenerates into shouting about whether porn is right or wrong from people who will never change their own minds, or the minds of the others posting and just turns into a bun fight.

Suffice to say, as a porn user myself those who try to persuade others they are being unreasonable and aren't entitled to have their boundaries respected disgust me.

People are entitled to set whatever boundaries they fit and it's up to their partners to decide to accept or reject them to maintain the relationship.

What isn't right is lying to a partner to manipulate them into staying in a relationship that isn't good enough with the type of partner that isn't good enough.

It's not the place of any of us to try to dictate where those boundaries should be, or to excuse lying on an issue that is a deal breaker for them, even if it isn't for us

I think you are absolutely RIGHT.

I've seen plenty of random, free, online porn (for a reason I don't want to go into) and the vast majority of it is just pure woman-hatred. The amount of violence depicted against women is just staggering. You don't want a man looking at that stuff then coming to bed and having those images in his head during sex.

OP the problem you will have now is, finding another man who does not watch porn. Very few and far between these days!

Don't be disingenuous.

If the DP in question was reading pornographic blogs, then no real people would be being penetrated and I very much doubt the OP would have posted.

The discussion is about filming and watching of real people, and also chatting to real people on such sites.

As AF says, you mean "filmed child abuse". Not child porn.

Any fucker -

You could even argue that the writings of D. H. Lawrence could be considered pornographic material & certainly was at the time it was written... i'm not arguing what pornagraohic material is acceptable, I'm merely stating that some times can be considered harmless.

I'm only stating the obvious because my point of view is clearly under attack.

My IGNORANCE of child pornography is normal

You misunderstand. There is no such thing as "child pornography".

What you are referring to is images of child sexual abuse. It's your use of the term "child pornography" that is ignorant.

And I haven't read 50 shades of shite, since you asked.

Great post, Joys. I will try and ignore further posts from those who want the OP to ignore her own boundaries and carry on supporting her as she asked.

Thank you everyone for putting me straight on the "child pornography" mix up - much appreciated

Literotica is different, LH - but I think you are only offering that up because you know there is no defense for the filmed porn industry.

Fuku I wasn't calling you nasty, another poster called ME nasty.

I've been around long enough to see how this goes. And as for the poster that wants to know why I started a thread rather than just doing it, well hello thread police . I'm ok here, thanks.

Boundaries - re read the Oxford dictionary definition of Pornographic. It's both visual & written!!!! Anything depicting a sexual nature.

Why are you doggedly arguing about something that wasn't even in the op, LH ?

This bloke hasn't been dumped because of material he was reading

Obviously this debate has steered well away from what OP set out to gain but I'm defending certain attacks people have chucked my way.

Does that seem a compassionate thing to do...on someone else's support thread ?

LH Err, I know it is classed as porn. I was agreeing with you the literotica is different, less damaging than filmed porn.

But thanks for patronising me. 🙄

It's not what the thread is about though, is it?

Yes, that's right. No one should have called you nasty.

I can't get my head around some of the opinions expressed on this thread.

It doesn't fucking matter what anyone else's stance on porn is.

Some people are happy to be in open relationships but that doesn't mean I am not entitled to outline that sleeping with someone else is a deal breaker and not tolerated in my relationship, does it?

I

Plenty of people just cannot grasp that simple concept Alice

Likewise does it seem a compassionate thing to do to attack other's views on someone's else's thread....

Clearly very mixed opinions & too many involved on the internet hence going back to my original statement of it not always being wise to think it's a good place to gain support.

Either way - good luck Porny, I'd say my posts further up were more supportive than anything. Unfortunately broad statements from others inevitably will spark a debate or sorts..

cheers!