Porn, lies, porn, lies and repeat.

[Pornybastard]

Title in a nutshell really.

Been with DH 11 years, caught him on some really nasty stuff nearly 7 years ago and wanted to kick him out but got the whole "all men do it" trope so I swallowed it hook line and sinker. This was before I realised just how fucked up the industry is and if I'd have known then what i know I would have made bunting from the reg flags and thrown a party to celebrate his departure but he said (and acted!) as if he had changed, he was very clued up on how damaging it is to intimacy and very VERY certain that part of his life was over and he had grown up and respected women deeply and understood my feminist viewpoint and supported me 100%, even laughing at "sad bastards" (his words) that threw away loving wives and families over a wank.

Well...(you know what's coming)

Caught him again yesterday, on those dodgy chat roulette and some sort of porn messenger app. I've kicked him out, he's at his mothers but if it wasn't for our DC I would love nothing more than never to see his grotty, lying, hypocritical face ever again.

I'm smart, have an excellent career and I'm attractive -no Samantha Brick but we can't all be modelesque eh? Please keep me motivated to keep the little tosses out. Just needing some moral support as the family are now butting in with the "Just one more chance he lurrves you" shite

"A marriage away" I meant to say

"Post something"

"Please keep me motivated to keep the little tosser out."

Is what the OP has asked for

Well said LH! This is an open discussion forum. Surely we can post what we like so long as we keep within the guidelines.

I understand that, but perhaps her close friends will be doing this already.

You're opening yourself up to far more than just support putting a subject like this on the net.

Here here Fuk !!

This must be awful for you. I'm so sorry OP. Keep strong.

Do you think that op hasn't thought long and hard about this?
I love it when the op stands up to gf. Porny, you rock. You are right, stay angry.

He "threw the marriage away", not her

It's extremely interesting that the people who are pro porn are refusing to engage in the "boundaries" issue. Any person (man or woman) has a right to say "this is not ok for me, if this happens, I'm out". That's what has happened here. Those of you saying "but talk to him, he obviously felt he had to lie, poor sausage" are saying the OP's boundaries do not matter. That's an interesting viewpoint.

One of the reasons I will not engage in the porn industry is the huge amount of abuse that is out there. It's virtually impossible to tell "ethical" from unethical. And the unethical stuff? No respect for women and their boundaries there at all. So I won't support it, just in case. Boundaries are important.

(Just realised that the last post + my user name make me sound like i'm talking about myself in the third person 😂)

Totally agree with your post, Boundaries.

For those who think the OP is controlling: well, we all cheer when someone gets away from a controlling partner. Why aren't you delighted for her H's "lucky escape" that she's finishing it?

Stay strong, OP, you rock.

Completely agree Boundaries

Pony good on you....he'd just get better at hiding it and lying. He'd have crossed the line here as well.
Good luck

I 100% agree with fuk I think maybe your partner has been pushed into making a promise. Because he loves you.

Boundaries, that was a great post.

This is an open discussion forum. Surely we can post what we like so long as we keep within the guidelines.

Yes you can but part of that parcel is that you open yourself up for your views being challenged especially if they are not helpful to the op.

Fortunately op seems unaffected by the pro-porn lobby on this thread but other op's who post similar threads might not be and women who feel they want to leave an unhappy relationship with no trust might not feel like they are justified in doing so because the 'poor man felt like he had no choice' but to lie and deceive according to someHence why people like you need to be challenged on these threads as although you might mean well your 'advice' can be damaging.

I think maybe your partner has been pushed into making a promise. Because he loves you.

Didn't love her enough to respect her boundaries though did he? That is the crux of it.

"Porn is a fantasy FFS, get over it. "

Nope. Those are real women, being penetrated and often being hurt and pressured in the process.

A fantasy is something that happens in your head without hurting any real people. Try it.

"Some porn is harmful, some porn is not harmful."

Most, if not all, porn is harmful, IMO.

Regardless, if you agree some porn is harmful, googling "rape porn" is likely to bring up those harmful films, is it not?

But then if could be said she did not love him enough to discuss things.

I guess it's op and her parter in the situation I guess it's different unless actually in that situation. For all i know ops parter could be a complate arsehole or part from this he could be a lovely person. I just think if op loves him and he loves her it's worth at least talking and trying to compromise.

You know what you said about your OH's spelling and grammar OP ^^

Deleteordecay - OP is definitely obviously a strong woman & so therefore it's good she can take these differences of opinions or advice/suggestions.

Ohwhatthefuckisthisnow - if she's thought long & hard then get on & do what it is she needs to do...

Hapshawl - I didn't mean 'she' is throwing the marriage away, I said 'you' as in all parties involved in the marriage. I know he's destructed the marriage but the final ball is obviously on OP's quart so I'm not putting this on OP.

Boundaries - agree, the big thing here is the trust that has gone & the lack of respect for her that he's displayed.

Ghostspirit - he hasn't been pushed into making these promises, if he couldn't keep them then he should have told her that & perhaps they would have gone their seperate ways years ago because obviously his decision to do it again means more to him than his relationship. Which of course is terrible.

Deleteordecay - if the advice from millions of different people on here can be so "damaging"... I'd say, to those women who could not take the diversity of this should refrain from using the internet to gain support.

Court not quart! God now look at my spelling ha!

hilton maybe that's true. Maybe he thought he could keep the promise at that time. Or maybe he never intended on keeping it as all. Who knows...

kitty was your comment about spelling/grammar aimed at me