Porn, lies, porn, lies and repeat.

[Pornybastard]

Title in a nutshell really.

Been with DH 11 years, caught him on some really nasty stuff nearly 7 years ago and wanted to kick him out but got the whole "all men do it" trope so I swallowed it hook line and sinker. This was before I realised just how fucked up the industry is and if I'd have known then what i know I would have made bunting from the reg flags and thrown a party to celebrate his departure but he said (and acted!) as if he had changed, he was very clued up on how damaging it is to intimacy and very VERY certain that part of his life was over and he had grown up and respected women deeply and understood my feminist viewpoint and supported me 100%, even laughing at "sad bastards" (his words) that threw away loving wives and families over a wank.

Well...(you know what's coming)

Caught him again yesterday, on those dodgy chat roulette and some sort of porn messenger app. I've kicked him out, he's at his mothers but if it wasn't for our DC I would love nothing more than never to see his grotty, lying, hypocritical face ever again.

I'm smart, have an excellent career and I'm attractive -no Samantha Brick but we can't all be modelesque eh? Please keep me motivated to keep the little tosses out. Just needing some moral support as the family are now butting in with the "Just one more chance he lurrves you" shite

Like I said, sitter, anyone can choose not to be in a relationship for any reason.

Obviously, if someone is a smoker and doesn't want to give up, dating a non-smoker who isn't interested in smokers won't work. The non-smoker isn't saying "you must stop smoking", they are saying "I don't want to be in a relationship with a smoker"

OP is saying "I don't want to be in a relationship with a porn user who lies to me". Seems fair.

You clearly consider porn to be harm-free, given the contrast of your parallel examples with mine. Porn is harmful to the women and men who participate in creating it.

It sounds like the boundaries that were put in place did not suit both parties, so the husband has felt the need to lie. Just think a really open discussion here could save so much.

Are you blaming the OP for her H's lies?

Some porn is harmful, some porn is not harmful. It's there, it's not going to go away - we are legally allowed to watch it.

No, no - absolutely not blaming anyone! I'm trying to understand from all perspectives.

Why should the o/p compromise her boundaries? She is perfectly entitled to state her beliefs, to warn that disrespecting her over this is a deal-breaker and so, that's the end of it.
She warned, he did it anyway, she's given him his marching orders, he doesn't get it.
You see, I wouldn't want to breathe the same air as the husband after this and neither does the o/p.

Stop going on about porn not being illegal. That has nothing to do with it. You are clearly just terrified at the idea of someone ending a relationship over porn use being a reasonable thing, because it could happen to you. But this has nothing to do with your porn use and getting other people to tell you it totally fine. This is about the OP's boundaries wrt porn. She was clear about it, he chose to transgress her boundaries and he chose to lie.

Or he could just not lie (or look to cheat online). Welcome to MN by the way.

Is there some sort of bat signal that goes out when someone starts a thread on porn? They always get inundated with handmaidens/apologists. And the scariest thing is that said handmaidens/apologists are all about pissing all over women's boundaries. This is not coincidental I think. Look at the message underlying their posts: it is simultaneously "women, you should be cool with rape porn" and "women, you have no right to your own sexual boundaries".

OP stick to your guns.

Don't get distracted by MRA/goady fuckers OP. You are bang on.

Jesus wept, Fukuiraptor! The OP doesn't WANT to take her husband back, because what he has done (the persistent lying and the level and type of porn) make him repellent to her. It's not about what YOU think is acceptable, it's about what the OP finds acceptable. And fwiw I think most women would agree with her boundaries, not yours (thank goodness).

Ipdipdog - if watching rape.porn, spending family money on webcams/chat rooms& leaving your jizz over the family computer for you to clean is acceptable to you then that's just lovely for you.
The op has made it clear that it's not ok with her. This is about a lack of respect for a partners boundaries, lying to them & now a lack of trust, not just the.porn element.

Morning all, OP here.

I forgot how much porn threads bring out the crazies. .

I don't think it's controlling/nasty to have clear boundaries and the reason I mentioned I am better looking than him is because it's a fact and it helps me keep my self esteem off the floor and the fire burning in my belly to be strong and hold my own. I see so many women on this board that feel ugly/worthless/unsexy when their OH do this to them and that's just not how it is for me. I am strong, I am confident and this will not effect my sense of self worth.

The DC? Young enough to be sad but old enough to understand why I won't be staying. I've brought my DC up to be kind, to be courageous and to be honest because those are MY family values and my H hasn't met that mark.

Actually, there is a bat signal. Fukuiraptor for instance has no posting history at all other than this thread. Is he the OP's husband, cyber-stalking her? Similarly Ipdipdogshituratit has appeared for the first time today, though is a slightly more sophisticated erm, new addition to our fold, in that they have taken the time to post on a couple of other threads too.

My husbands spelling and grammar isn't as good as the goady fuckers unless he's hired a ghost writer I doubt very much it is him.

I've often wondered whether it's 4chan or some men's rights board coming on here and posting this stuff. It happens on feminism and relationships threads quite a bit and is a significant change in tone to how MN used to be when I first started posting here.

Hey, hey. Nobody is nasty on here. Think we should lay off the personal attacks...

OP has a huge life choice to make. Think it's so important to look for balance here.

Porny "My husbands spelling and grammar isn't as good as the goady fuckers grinwinkconfused unless he's hired a ghost writer I doubt very much it is him."

Brilliant! I'm glad you can still laugh through all this shit.

I'm not a man, but I have been accused if having a 'mans attitude to sex'. Whatever that means..

Agreed!! OP is witty and sounds fab x

He sounds like a sleazy bastard, 'rape porn' FFS

As for his 'last chance' he's had it. this was it, and he's blown it

Bye bye pathetic little man

Well done op, keep going

The OP has made her decision already, she doesn't need people to tell her she doesn't know her own mind

I know OP has made up her mind, Fuk I believe is just trying to I guess chuck on some thoughts so that OP can be doubly sure. No need to attack someone for doing that because after all you are throwing aarriage away.

If that's what you want to do then absolutely do it, but don't post someone on the goddam net & not expect some bloody differences of opinions?!?!

If you'd made up your mind then do it & be done with it without giving complete
strangers the chance to give their two penneths worth