Porn, lies, porn, lies and repeat.

[Pornybastard]

Title in a nutshell really.

Been with DH 11 years, caught him on some really nasty stuff nearly 7 years ago and wanted to kick him out but got the whole "all men do it" trope so I swallowed it hook line and sinker. This was before I realised just how fucked up the industry is and if I'd have known then what i know I would have made bunting from the reg flags and thrown a party to celebrate his departure but he said (and acted!) as if he had changed, he was very clued up on how damaging it is to intimacy and very VERY certain that part of his life was over and he had grown up and respected women deeply and understood my feminist viewpoint and supported me 100%, even laughing at "sad bastards" (his words) that threw away loving wives and families over a wank.

Well...(you know what's coming)

Caught him again yesterday, on those dodgy chat roulette and some sort of porn messenger app. I've kicked him out, he's at his mothers but if it wasn't for our DC I would love nothing more than never to see his grotty, lying, hypocritical face ever again.

I'm smart, have an excellent career and I'm attractive -no Samantha Brick but we can't all be modelesque eh? Please keep me motivated to keep the little tosses out. Just needing some moral support as the family are now butting in with the "Just one more chance he lurrves you" shite

It doesn't matter if 100 posters think porn is NBD; this woman has an issue. For those who are hard of understanding- the previous porn use was 'nasty' stuff which the op then revealed to be rape porn, although that should have been obvious.
He's now interacting with real women who may well be sex workers and/ or coerced and even if they aren't - the op is clear that she doesn't accept this. So that's that.

You've done the right thing OP!
And I agree with you re the porn don't start to doubt yourself!

OP you've done the right thing. Maybe seven years too late but the right thing nonetheless. Rape porn? That man would never have shared a home with me again never mind a ruddy bed.

Ignore all the apologists. They might enjoy watching porn and "exploring their sexuality" (blech!) but you don't have to. Your boundaries are yours alone. He knew what they were but he went ahead anyway. What a dickhead tossbag he is.

I wonder how he's explaining away to Mumsy why he's been thrown out? Tell her the unvarnished truth

Also just re read your very first message to this - the family DEFINITELY need to but out on this one! I hate it when families get involved!!

Omg. Im going through exactly the same thing. ( you may have seen my post. He wont stop using porn)

My OH is still in the house and trying to make everything better by making excises why he cant leave. I wish to God id told him to get out. And now I feel like I cant. Like you weve been here time and time again and now were here again.

After all the counselling and him begging and literally walking over burning coals for me. He did it again the second my back was turned.
Hes been to a psychosexual counsellor and theyve said he hasnt got an addiction as much as he pleads he does. Theyve said he. Has actively chosen to do it.

Please stay strong. I know its hard but youve done the right thing.

Fuk you like porn, fine. The thread is not about you, or whether you like and wish to watch/enjoy port. The thread is about the original poster and her ex partner.

Not port, porn.

seems to me you husband has an addictive personality, and probably needs help tbh. The problem with his behaviour is you've obviously tried helping him and he's lied behind your back and carried on regardless. I think you've done the right thing OP

Are you happy together completely aside from this subject?

Could ask yourself does the good outway the bad feeling you have now? before you completely end it.
Chucking him out is a good thing though because you're showing how serious you are & you're not going to be a push over

I thought we were happy, he obviously wasn't though. It's the lies and the pretending to be a person a respect that that got to me the most. I do care for him, and for his sake I hope he gets help but I can't see it happening and I'm not willing to be let down again and again. Thank you all for being so lovely it's given me strength I didn't know I had

I respect! Not a respect shaky hands

For me. Its not about the porn per se. Its about my personal boundaries and the fact he completely disrespected them. Its the lying time and time again. So much that the lying becomes out of control.

My OH spent our 13th wedding anniversay in the down stairs loo knocking one off rather than come to bed with me.

Day night evening and afternoon, he would lock himself away. So much that he coyld no longer get an erection with me. We'd had sex about 10 times over the past 3 years.

I understand people are happy with porn and are OK using and sharing it. And I am OK with that as long as it doesnt affect our relationship. It is at this point it became an issue. He prefered a fictional character over me. His wife. He destoyed our marriage by breaking his vows to forsake all others, he blew through my boundaries and showed me no respect. And although we have been here now at least 6 times over the last 3 years, he apparently says he now understands my point and is genuinely sorry this time?!!

He literally cannot do enough for me. He makes me cups of tea all the time. Does the washing and ironing. And expects to then carry on as normal.

Im due to have an operation in 3weeks that has a 5 week recovery which he has said he will look after me and the kids through, so makes sense for him to stay until after Christmas. - tbh I also think the kids would appreciate him being here over xmas as they are 8 and 11.

So it is difficult. Please ignore people who are saying youre over reacting. Theyre not looking at the bigger picture. Its not just a wank. Or just a quickie. Its breaking your trust and effecting your relationship.

Sorry to hear that onetiredmum it's just so shit isn't it at least mine had the grace to fuck off when I told him to go

My H is "good man" does his share, parents equally, brings me tea but he fucked up sexually and is a very accomplished liar.

Could the lying be driven by embarrassment or shame, rather than a determination to deceive you maliciously? After all, many of us grow up being told masturbation is somehow dirty or shameful.

"Obviously rape porn is a very acquired taste. "

What the hell?!!?

OP, he crossed your boundaries and lied about it. You are doing the right thing.

No, not at all. We are both quite open about masturbation. His shame comes from lying about it and watching dodgy stuff!

Yep. Same here. I look at him as a 'good man' thats one of the reasons ive been scared to kick him out completely. (hes in the spare room) i cant help but feel this overwhelming sense of the fact he is a good man. And there's enough weirdos in this world!
But your right I really do wish id had the strength to tell him to get out completely or hed had the grace to fuck off completely. Now its just awkward!!

Hes literally bringing me another cup of tea as I write this?! Lol.

Bloody me have no frikkin idea do they.

For what its worth, and im not happy your going through this. But it is comforting to think im not the only one if that makes sense. It feels like a very lonely place when your partner prefers his right hand

Obviously rape porn is a very acquired taste

Erm what the actual fuck!! Yes, rape porn, just like blue cheese and olives.

We do have sex, that's the strange thing. He isn't rough or uncaring or lazy which is why I'm so over the whole thing.

Is there more to this than those 2 porn incidents op? As much as I agree to sticking to your guns with your boundaries it does seem like an extreme reaction if he is usually a good husband.
I'm not judging btw. You do what you need to do. Must admit the rape porn would be a huge challenge to get past..

Jeez. Agree with you, OP.

Some proper 'cool girl' types on this thread. Sad.

OP you sound like you have strong, healthy boundaries so good for you. Sorry he let you down again.

ByeBye Rape porn, chat sites and lies. That's all there is and it's enough for me to end it.

Once the respect & trust has gone for someone, that is so hard to come back from.

I don't get him though, seems you've got a fairly good sex life & you're open with one another, he's well & truly thought with his dick here & not his head & even worst thought he'd get away with it

Massive respect to you for how strong you're being