Brave Babes...braving the Autumn

[Mrsmimsy]

??? Xxx

How you find day 1?

AF last night. Was a 3/4 bottle wine left in fridge, I stress was. Why do I do this to myself? Tomorrow will be AF and will try Thursday too. Bugger it. I will not open anymore tonight, will just go to bed.

Evening All.

Not an af day fro me - I made it until about half an hour ago, mostly because I woke up with an inner-ear infection this morning and felt so dizzy I didn't need anything. I gave in just because I feel utterly shit.

DH has had the same virus and cough as me, though for a week or so longer, but I just feel he's given into it, where as I have carried on for the most part (yup, I've got my martyr's halo on). Last night he convinced me to cancel the cleaner this morning because he didn't feel up for the disruption (i.e. tidying his crap up). So now I have a tip of a house, I'm too dizzy to stand up to do anything about it; can't drive so I have no Christmas presents for DH, not so much as an orange for his stocking, and last time I had this after a virus it lasted three weeks. He says it doesn't matter, but I can't even see how we will get food shopping. And the teenager in me is having a hissy fit because I never get looked after when I get ill!

So, a large g&t it is and I don't care if I can't stand up.

Well Done, Guggs.
Did you find your peace, Choco?

Well done guggs. You get the smock of smug.
Sweet you sound rough

I sound it, feel it and most definitely look it, Ma!

(Even worse, I'm feeling sorry for myself)

Aw sweets hope you feel better soon. Yeah I did thank u. X

I've drunk far too much and would be set on obliteration but working tomorrow. Tried and failed not to post too much anti Christmas shit, but right now Christmas can fuck off. Stupidly I know for a fact I would be less unhappy if I didn't drink and I'm drinking because I'm fucking miserable. I understand it, just not why I'm still doing it. Having horrible fleeting thoughts involving trains and razor blades and stuff that I know causes a lot of pain to others so I wouldn't go there but getting comfort from the thoughts which makes me think I'm ill. But can't be ill as if I don't work I will self destruct.
Want to go to sleep and wake up in January, in my head it will be fine then

Flipping eck elba what's making you so down?

Morning,
ma ''tis a looong time since I could wear the smock of smug. I imagine it looks like a kings costume in the nativity. Might just pop a tea towel on my head too.

choc I feel better but have been for 9 zillion weees during the night and have the itchy skin thing. How about you lovely?

elba Christmas is hard. Can you check in please so we know you are ok? Can you get out for a walk today, get away from all the Christmas stress?

sweet that sounds grim! Can you get to the dr?

Happy winter solstice all.
Not sure what my intentions are today drink wise, I'll just see how it goes. Feeling a bit more confident about dry Jan though.

hi to all
Elba the thoughts don't necessarily mean you are ill.
Sometimes unwanted intrusive thoughts just happen, it doesn't mean you would act on them or that you are broken. Synapses misfire and especially when we're a bit fried by drinking (and aftermath) and also by loss of sleep (when I drink I am up at 4 the day after - argh).
I do the same - drink anyway even though I know I am happier when not - but drink because it takes the edge off feeling unhappy.
Having said that, if you feel you are ill, or you'd act on anything or find you are making plans please let someone know.
And keep posting. We're here.
I drank a bottle of red last night on DAY ONE of my festive plan to have days off. Sigh.
So here I go again for an AF day today and tomorrow.
happy Wednesday babes

elba hang in there. this is a tough time of year for people who struggle with drink. I'm just giving in to it until Dry January.
Keep posting.
guggs you look mighty fine as a wise woman.
Now, where is that camel?

Managed to stay off the booze tonight. The house is groaning with alcohol, so I am tentatively hopeful.
It's once that bottle is open I struggle.
Sorry I'm so vague, I'm a bit scared to post more details just yet, I am glad I found the thread though.

Hi all. So sorry, meant to check in earlier but work has been manic. Sorry for drunken ramblings again last night, I'm ok(ish), not in any danger at least anyway.

Just finding the whole Christmas thing so incredibly hard this year. I think part of that may be due to this being the most self aware, alcohol wise, that I've been as an adult. I can't numb the usual shit that this time of year brings up by drinking as it only makes me feel worse. Still doing it though....woke up swearing I wouldn't drink tonight, came home tonight with two bottles of wine...

Just want to wake up and it be about the 2nd of Jan. Absolutely dread the question of what I'm doing for Christmas, and was ready to throttle the colleague who was going on about the stress of having a big family today.

And to rub it all in further I've had literally every Christmas song known to man in my head today- Rudolph the fucking reindeer is currently abiding on some kind of hamster wheel in my head.

I might change my name to Scrooge xxx

Elba it's okay. I know this is a very difficult time for you and January is just around the corner. Hang in there and thanks for keeping in touch with us. It means the world just to know that you're still with us x

Go I'm glad you found us too. Well done for an AF day today

Morning,
thank you everybody, I am sorry for everyone having a tough time and also reassured I am not alone.
My drinking was fine when I was younger, pre-children. Sure I liked a drink but I went out a lot and it was kind of normal to have big nights out in the pubs and clubs.
It escalated when I had my dd, and soon became a habit to crack open a bottle most nights - adult time.
My relationship is shit, daughter is now a teen and hates me drinking now she is aware, I don't blame her. It would be ok if I could have a couple of glasses but I am driven to polish off the bottle and often begin another. This is when I think I'm ok just chilling in front of a film but I get so irritated if I get disturbed or asked for anything, snappy, you know? It makes me horrible if I'm honest.
We have had an appalling couple of years for various reasons, lack of money, illness and deaths in the family.
Tonight will be a test for me, Thursday has always marked the start of the weekend, If desperate I will have a couple of Vodka tonics, clear spirits don't affect me like ww does. Also I can't glug down champagne or sparkling wine so I will try to stick to these over Christmas and boxing day, I can only sip them whereas ww slips down like cold water on a hot day.
Anyway, good a good day to you all, or a better day at least.
Thanks again for the thread.

Thank you xxx You're all so lovely. Sorry I'm not much support at the moment; I know I'm not the only one struggling and finding this time of year hard.

Have a day off today, going to spend it relaxing and clearing up a bit. Can't bring myself to do decorations but might go and get some flowers. Not as low, but keep getting waves of just wanting to cry. Intrusive thoughts still there in the background but they are nothing more than that. Hard to judge why- though I'd think alcohol, tiredness (pretty much consistent 60+ hour weeks at the moment) and Christmas are enough of a combination.

Just desperately want to fast forward the next week or so and reset myself somehow. I'm on-call for two nights from tomorrow, so will at least have some enforced af time.

Hope everyone's ok and not too stressed with the preparations!

Sorry go your post appeared after I'd started writing mine. Welcome and well done for posting- you're in the right place

Hi all, just a wuick message but will check in again later! I've got a start date for the childrens home job it's on Monday 2nd January. The first 2 weeks will be 9-5 5 days a week and will be mainly training, then I'll start properly. So excited

only thing is transport, they've put me in a home further than expected, it's doable but a 45 minute car ride and as I don't drive I'll be relying on dad at first. There is public transport so I'll probably get a lift there and train home - will need to get a bus/lift from someone to nearest town (which someone is bound to go past) and then hop on the train. After the first 2 weeks I'll be doing more condensed hours - 3/4 12-16 hour shifts a week so dad won't mind so much then. Will start swotting up on my theory though as I'll need to drive soon. Have talked to him though and he doesn't mind taking me if I can get my own way home - this job is miles better than being on jobseekers

Hello everyone, hope u all ok.
I am having my 1st larger in 10 days it taste delish. I feel like I shouldn't be writing it tho my aim is to control my alchohol intake those who are not drinking welldone x

Well done maiden

Evening all. So, it's 8.10 and no alcohol. 3 af days this week which is good but I'm in a danger zone where I know tomorrow night I will feel I have earned a good drink. How to handle? Take it as it comes I guess. Hope you all have a good evening

Sounds good go

Shit sorry I wasn't saying u in danger zone tomo sounds good. Just u doin 3 days af I have a hamster chewing on his cage! Doin my head in x

Hi all

Hope you are ok Elba , sounds hard so sending good calm vibes your way.

I still haven't had a drink but I am craving the 'let go' feeling it gives me. Have really wanted sherry, cava, and white wine. Still not sure whether to continue into (another) dry January or have a week 'off' and have a few drinks.

There's something very satisfying about doing a whole year alcohol free - just a week or so to go.

But would we all have a nicer, more relaxed Christmas if I had a few drinks?

Or is it all just a bollocks excuse for me to drink again? Aargh I feel so torn. And frustrated!

Hello everyone, hope you are all as ok as can be.
I was up at 5am, have done 5 loads of washing and tidied. It was amazing having a shower and not thinking 'this shower and a coffee will make me feel better' you know?
It could be like this everyday couldn't it? So, it's Friday, the danger zone. I am going to attempt to ignore all the wine and stick to a couple of Vodkas if I feel I really must have a drink (I can't drink more than 3 and it takes away the taste for wine) Christmas eve and day will offer their own challenges in lots of way.
Hope everyone has a good day or as good as possible. Positive thoughts to you all.