Brave Babes...braving the Autumn

[Mrsmimsy]

??? Xxx

DD is staying out tonight as my electrics have blown, the temptation to drink is horrendous today.

Ok, well here goes. I'm a 42 year old going through a horrendous divorce with 2 small boys aged 6 and 4. I abuse alcohol, I have done since I was 16. My parents are alcoholics. I've resolved to only drink when the boys are with their dad, but it's fucking hard.

I've today had a mental health assessment and have been referred onto a program for people with EUPD, alcohol has been a way of coping for me. If I'm not drinking I just switch my addiction to food and consume vast amounts of junk.

The idea of never drinking again fills me with absolute horror. Wine is the only thing that relaxes me.

Sorry for my rambling opening post, I think it's a big thing for me to post here and I'm trying to get my thoughts out before I chicken out.

Hi guggs how are you doing?

Well done kinetic!

Elba happy belated birthday, that’s great news! I firmly believe it is possible to go back to non problematic drinking, after it having been a problem and so pleased you can do that

Everyone was really lovely about it yesterday so not feeling too bad. Have a course tomorrow, then work Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Wisdom tooth is coming through but orajel is magic stuff so mostly good around here.

Not so well done made, I went and bought a ten pack of beer and a bottle of wine, so far a bottle of red in and one can

Oh my goodness what a beautiful dog

kinetic slip ups are natural, no one is perfect babe and it’s ok. Any chance of you stopping now? Or if not, alternating drinks with one alcoholic and one water so you at least don’t drink so much? Apart from anything else be kind to yourself and keep posting on here as much as you want

wry oh bless her, sounds so cute but very naughty too if it’s any consolation Lil only had 2 speeds as a pup (go mad and stop) and it once took 3 of us to catch her in the enclosed garden to go in (come within arms reach then leg it) and she is now relatively calm. Well, she dislikes the tv and other animals and Christmas decs (tried pulling snowman by his nose today…) but she is a lot less hard work, so the end could be near! She is gorgeous, I bet with that face you can’t stay mad for too long!

I have plugged my Christmas CD into the bus’ CD player, as I am currently singing along to Noddy Holder.

Gast you are very welcome.Ask about anything you don't understand ,- some of us have been here a while so there are inevitably "in" jokes but don't be put off. You did a brave thing posting on here and someone will always help you.
Wry the terrorist is beautiful!
It would be lovely to have a Christmas reunion: calling out for Venus, mouse, Indie, ladame, Venus, thurso, beaches, joey, hope,obrigada.....where are you all?

Gast I'm so sorry to have missed you out! How are you? A big massive welcome, you are really in the right place. It's not just about our drinking - we have a laugh and joke too, and I've found it a great place to just let off steam or talk about our problems. Don't think about not drinking ever again- just focus on today, and take every day as it comes. Even if you do drink, we are still here for you. I can identify with using alcohol to cope - I had done it for 10 years and find it a struggle not to let it be a crutch now, so I can't imagine what you are going through. Well done though, and you sound lovely. Come back and post more when you feel up to it [smile=

Dying to pour drink someone's xmas present had a massive row with dp.
I'm feeling very temperamentel at the moment and iv just proper exploded.
I know that If I drink it, I will only feel worse.
My dp is so stuck in his ways and I can't do right I try but I don't know.
We split up a whlie ago but he came back home.
Life's so difficult.

Good morning lovely Brave Babes

Wry thank you for the shout out

I've missed you all, have been lurking most days. Drum roll please.....I am still AF....woop woop, fancy that!!!!! 617 days I've posted a dawn photo taken the other day of my puppy girl. Wry terrorist is simply beautiful - she is so lucky to have a Ma like you xxx

Hello to everyone one of you & welcome to all new Babes, you're in the right place for non-judgemental support - you can be YOU on this bus and nobody will judge you.

I'll come back later on this evening to say hello properly - life has been quite stressful DD1 is still suffering with Depression/anxiety which is really tough and DD2 has turned into Kevin - fucking awful, whatever happened to the sweet child ??
My life would be so much more complicated if I was drinking, although VERY tempting quite alot of the time, I just can't - I still watch the film until the end and it really isn't a pretty sight!!

Ma glad to see you've dusted down your triangle

Have a good day y'all xxxx

I stopped after 2 cans and the wine so it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

Hi everyone,

Just clambered back into the sidecar (admires the tinsel).

Elba, happy belated birthday! You are right my friend, you have come SO far in just a year, it's amazing the progress you've made. You should be really proud of yourself. And running 10 miles? I am in awe!

Welcome back guggs and welcome gast. You're in the right place and it's such a hard time of year to try to deal with booze issues, we need to huddle together!

Spanna, you are a bloody inspiration woman - huge huge congrats!

Oh it's good to be back Margie lovely laydee I'm sorry you've been having such a horrid time. I can think of many occassions where I still get that black feeling of doom in my stomach and that creeping anxiety of WTF have I done - one when I passed out and woke up to my then 2yo (she's now 17) asking me if I was ok and why am I sleeping on the floor , another when I'd been drinking at a client lunch (only a bottle and a bit, of course I'm safe to drive ) going to collect DD1 from nursery and arguing with the manager that I was going to take my D and I'm fine etc etc - I had to go and face her the next day and apologise - I'm sure after that they came extra close to me to see if I smelt of booze every time I picked my D up - awful !!!! There are so many more over the years of bad behaviour, makes me want to cry! We are never alone with our tales of booze Take one day at a time - it is the Festive season of parties, booze, etc if you aim not to go too mad, think about what you're doing, drinking soft drinks or just fizzy water before your first drink and if you can in between each drink after that. Dry Jan is a good start to being booze free. I've been on here 3 years, if not more and I spent most of one year never getting passed Day 3. I always watch my film to the end - that has really helped me.
I've got to go again back later. Love to all x

spanna that's awesome!

I didt drink. Feel better for it, but my anxiety is suffering. Had a quite day with dp he went to work and we not really spoke. Least we not shouting at eachother tho.
Had a relaxing bath and getting dc1 to sleep now. Then I will prepare xmas prezzie keep myself busy for a while x

Well done Choc you did good

Thanks Ma

Elba you have come such a long way on this journey Happy Birthday and I hope you managed to have a nice day. I can only imagine what it must be like to have lost your brother, it must be really hard, especially over milestones of birthdays, christmas and so many 'firsts'. I look at friends, my dad and other family I've lost and really do look at them as a year older as I would be. My dad was 65 when he died and he'd be in his 70s now, that's how I see him. Your brother will want you to live your life to the full, to make the most of it and live it large for the both of you, the years of unknown territory for both of you, embrace it for him too, smile and know that he's smiling with you, because he is. 10 miles, you say, coooor blimey that is a long way. Keep on keeping on, I remember your first post and you really were convinced that you couldn't go one day without a drink, look what you've achieved, be proud

Now what else needs doing in prep for Christmas? Have we located the camel? Hope isn't he in your care? Faire do we have any other instruments?

joey used to be in charge of carolling and song sheets....

Haven't seen the camel but I found the star for the top of the tree! Now I just need someone tall enough to put it on the top.

So lovely to hear from you Spanna, one of our shining examples of sobriety. Perhaps you should sit on top of the tree for a bit

Anyone who's had an AF day can wear the smock of smug, a halo and be our bus angel. (Don't fight over the smock, we have lots of them)

Have a good day babes

I'm doing ok thanks Elba.

Down to half my dosage every other day on the AD's now, so hoping that by the new year I'll be pill-free.

Went to Sainsburys last night to buy my brother a couple of nice bottles of red for Xmas. Soon tempting to crack one open last night as I knew they were good 'uns.

Not had a bad week booze-wise so far. Been AF since Tuesday after having a very boozy Saturday, Sunday and Monday! Christmas time really sucks for trying to abstain.

Planning to do Dry Jan again this year (myself and OH managed it last year amazingly), although got DS's 6th birthday party slap bang in the middle on the 14th. Having a party for 30-odd kids aged 4-7, and going to have some booze there for the adults, so think that is going to be VERY challenging, and actually I'm not going to beat myself up if I have a drink that day..Lord knows I'll need it!

Have a good day everyone xx

Hi Spanna, loved reading your message. You are right, we all have our dreadful stories of shame, but it's so comforting to know you're not alone. My biggest concern is the impact that my drinking will have on my DSs, although I really try hard not to expose them to it. But then I think, if I was a good person then I'd stop drinking because of my DSs, and I haven't, which must mean I'm not a good person.

Today we had lunch with friends (day off here in Spain for some Big Catholic Reason that escapes me) and I didn't get shitfaced but I watched everyone else happily have one or two glasses of wine with lunch and then stop, when my entire body was craving more and more and more and more. But I held back because otherwise my problem is just out there, obvious, and in front of normal drinkers I just look like such a loser.

Deep down, I am not committed to giving up yet. I love drinking, I can't imagine my life without it. And yet I know that it is controlling me and not the other way around, and I hate that.

Hey elba, do we share a birthday (5th) xx except you are way fresher faced than me!!! Ma, I am still feeling like "boiled shite" most days. Except now I am a year older and no wiser. Yet again have failed even to login to the user account I want to use. Lala, are you with us babe? Spanna I can only hope and wish to get to where you are now without killing myself first with mindless boozing. Pretty much every single day. Baby's words of wisdom are much missed.