Brave Babes...braving the Autumn

[Mrsmimsy]

??? Xxx

Oh ma that's crap
made you're right Tesco will probably be v flexible in run up to Christmas. Enjoy your busy times.
AF today for me. Not much down time with DC and work but am keeping going.
Seeing friend tomorrow though
Hope everyone's having a good evening

I've really let myself down, won wine at school raffle, drank half bottle left, went and bought more wine... now very drunk and have college tomorrow so have to be out at 7.30 with DD. I am a shit

magnetic you're not a shit you're struggling like the rest of us.
You're here, keep posting. The grip of the wine is lessening.
Have a and enjoy college.
Morning to all.

magnetic how are you feeling? You're not a shit, the worst thing about booze is it makea us feel failures if we drink. Please be kind to yourself and not beat yourself uo

Gawd I've felt bad today found it hard to drop off last night so only had 4.5 hours sleep. Managed in work, not sure how though, and felt drunk for half of it (despite not touching a drop). Now feel hungover, probably through tiredness despite having had a little nap. Hope everyone else is ok

Sleep well made
Had wine but also SUGAR sweets and stuff. Bleargh.
Sleep well x

Mixed week so far. Af Sun to Thu which hasn't happened since being pregnant. Tried for 2 weeks but caved tonight, however, only one large glass. Now going to bed ferling fairly pleased with myself. Well done everyone on the week's efforts!

Finally feeling a bit better about myself. Sorry for being miserable, have a great weekend everyone x

Hey all.
Bargaintastic at charity shop today. Got a Hobbs full length skirt and. Laura Ashley top for the total of £11.50. Christmas outfit sorted!!!

I've spent this evening going through shoeboxes of old photos, kept hidden under my bed, from the days when we had to take a film in to be processed. Partly as part of a clear up effort that I've been putting off, partly to look for some specific ones. I look so totally fucked, for want of a better word, in so many of them. No idea who I'm pictured with generally- either don't remember or didn't know at the time. And just ill in most of the others. It's like a horrible timeline from late teens to late twenties...I'm sure if I lined them up chronologically I could create a great public service advert for not drinking

Hey Elba I did same a few weeks ago.
That was then

Hey 42 your right- have to put it in the past. Although I then proceeded to get drunk last night...

Really need to get back in control. I really hate this time of year, but need to not use that as an excuse to just get hammered at any opportunity. Not drinking tonight, so will have at least had three days af this week...far too much on the drinking days, but better than nothing I guess.

Hope everyone's ok and having a good weekend xxx

Elba it IS better than nothing
Every AF day is good
I'm currently holding off having a
Will be having a couple then plan is Mon to Thurs AF.
Hope everyone's okay and having a good weekend

Hi everyone,

It's been a long time since I posted but I lurk every now and then, and cheer you all on from the sidelines. Your old mate Marge is doing really shit in her effort not to drink.

Tonight I frightened myself. We had friends over for Thanksgiving (I'm not American but they are) and of course I got shitfaced. I took myself off for a walk at some point - can't be specific about times or who was still in my house - but I distinctly remember passing some trees and thinking that if I had some rope then I would string myself up then and there. And I meant it. I got home and basically said goodbye to my kids - I genuinely wanted to end my life today and it's because of drinking.

I know what I need to do, I've done AA, I know where I am, but I can't do it right now, I am not ready for a life without booze. But I recognize that it's killing me. Fuck, I'm scared.

Ma, Faire, Sweet, Venus are you out there? I need you, I am pretty desperate and scared.

elba it is 100% better than nothing, you can tell you are really trying and that is all that matters

Margie you poor thing. What are you scared of, will talking on here help? As much as you think ending it all is the answer, is really isn’t. It might not seem like it now but you’re awesome, brave and fabulous and you deserve to live you really do. Big well done on coming on here, it’s the first and most important step and you’ve done it! Who are you with right now? If no one is home with you could you go to a friends or something just so you are not alone. I’m not an oldtimer on here, but I am more than happy to help in any way I can. You can’t imagine a life without booze – neither can I. Don’t try and think too far ahead in the future, just focus on the now. Are you drinking now? Just try and go minute by minute, second by second if you need to, without drinking.

I need to go to bed soon I think. Am running on empty at the mo – the last few days have been a killer and my back is wrecking (crap chairs in work) and am knackered, my own fault though. Need to be up at 5.30 in morning for work at 7am but finish at 12 so that’s ok, then I’m on a course on understanding substance abuse Tues and Wed (already have a grounding on that subject in terms of alcohol methinks …) so doing a practice run tomorrow to make sure we know where place is. Hopefully we won’t end up on an army firing range like our last practice drive! Volunteered on Thurs and another volunteer pissed me off when we discussed the training course ‘oh I could never be an alcoholic I don’t like the taste’ … minor annoyance admittedly but I felt like shouting ‘you’ve not got a clue’. Was in front of a room of service users too some of whom have problems

Hi Made, thanks so much for your kind words. I'm here with DH but I can't talk to him about this, he doesn't get it. I think DS1 gets it, but he's only 5, we laid down on my bed tonight and had a big cuddle/sleep and I think we were both scared, but fuck, why am I making a 5 year old scared?

margie children are very resilient and as hes 5 you have lots more yeare to not make him scared. They do pick up on things but this will not damage him. The best thing you can do for him is to carry on as you are and being honest to yourself. Does your partner kbow about your relationship with alcohol, or anyone in RL? Seriously though 1 occasion of being a bit unsure/anxious will not hurt him, he will be alright. Are you drinking tonight?

Hi Margie, lovely to hear from you again but sorry you're struggling at the moment. If you're still up, do the drill. Big drink of water, clean your teeth, pjs on and off to bed. Take more water with you to rehydrate in the night.

Come back tomorrow to have a chat. We'll help you just get through the day. That's it. That's all you need to focus on for now x

Margie, sit tight for tonight. Can you make some tea, drink some water, eat some chocolate - and go to bed? Tomorrow is another day - and you can start tackling and dealing with things then. Be kind to yourself. Your children love and need you. Even the crappy versions of ourselves they sometimes get to see. No-one is perfect. But they need you. Stop drinking - if you are - and try and get some rest. Everything won't be perfect in the morning, but you can bet it'll all look a lot less scary and awful then - and there are plenty of people (here and in RL) who can help you then too. You're not the only one in this situation. And there are plenty of people who have been where you are and who have got through, got better and are now loving life. Get some rest / sleep and see how you are in the morning. I'm sure many more more helpful babes will be around then too. Just be gentle. And know that tomorrow is always another day and represents an opportunity to change. Xxxx

Thanks Made, Faire and Bloody, your kindness made me cry. Here I am, ashamed, embarrassed, regretful - woke up at 3am in a cold sweat and couldn't get back to sleep. If you'd seen me yesterday you probably wouldn't have even thought I was that bad, I wasn't lying in a pool of my own vomit or anything, but it's the loss of control...I am not controlling booze, it's controlling me. And I bet if I look back to my posts one year ago I was probably saying exactly the same things - one whole year has gone by and I'm in exactly the same fucking mess, no improvement, no progress.

And I know what I need to do but I won't do it...I'll probably be AF now until Thursday at which point I'll tell myself that one drink won't hurt and then I'll have another pissed up weekend...and on and on and on. I'm boring myself with how crap I am and how repetitive this is.

That's why it's called a cycle Margie and it's what so many of struggle to get out of. Just make small changes for now.

Try to check in on the bus as I think that can sometimes help and keep as mindful as you can about drinking.

And just do one day at a time, don't worry about Thursday, just do today x

I bet you have changed though margie, even if your drinking hasn't as such I bet your attitude towards it has and you're more aware and mindful of things, I bet you're more self reflective. Take every minute as it comes - don't worry about Thursday for the moment. How are you feeling now? If you can't do AF, then maybe have one drink less? And keep decreasing the amount

Argh just had a big argument with mum. She was angry anyway then started mentioning I need to shave my neck (have PCOS and unfortunate side effect). I said I will tomorrow. She said I need to as women don't get that much hairs. I was annoyed and said that I was a woman and had hairs so clearly, they do. She said yeah it's because of my PCOS, but it's not 'natural' for women to get hairs. I said well I'm not unnatural am I and she said yes. So I said 'well I suppose the IVF didn't help' (am an IVF baby) and stormed downstairs crying. Dad went and told her off, and now he's been shouted at and called a muppet. Unusually for him though he's not backing down and being all pally to her like normal, think he really is angry or at the least annoyed - he doesn't think it's acceptable anyway.

And now for some stupid reason have taken 2 cocodamol and a big glug of vodka. Ridiculous affecting me like this but she's really hurt me. This isn't unusual either - this type of thing happens a lot. Don't worry though babes - am not going to do anything stupid, just want to stop feeling like crap and a freak, and abnormal

Margie sorry I missed this. Often think of you. Are you feeling any better today?