DH hurt my wrist, will he do it again?

[confused0086]

Hello, name changed for this.
I've been married for 3 months, together for 2 years but we were long distance for most of that. We both smoke. Before we got married he told me he wanted me to quit, I said I would like him to quit with me and we agreed we would after the wedding but it kind of got forgotten. Yesterday he started saying I have to quit and he doesn't want a wife who smokes. He said he doesn't want to quit anymore. He starts a new job next month but currently doesn't have one so I pay for everything. I told him I thought it was ridiculous that he expects me to buy him cigarettes but I'm not allowed them. He went off in a sulk and I went out to the garden to smoke. I realise that was childish. He came out and got right in my face and told me to put it out. I said no and backed away from him and then he grabbed my wrist and twisted it hard so I dropped it. It really hurt and I was so shocked that he did it. I went inside crying and told him he can't ever do anything like that again. He said sorry and he did seem upset. He promised he'd never do it again.
He has always seemed so gentle, it's one of the things I love most about him. I never expected him to act like that. Is it a sign of worse to come or can I believe him?
Sorry if half of this is irrelevant, I don't want to drip feed. And I know I need to quit smoking!

[AdoraBell]

Well done confused, glad your brother helped.

Hope your second flight isn't delayed for long and that you arrive soon.

[Pandamanda3]

Phewww thanks for coming on op that is just great, I am soooooo pleased your on route home to happiness. 😉
You did do the right thing hunny honestly, don't ever doubt it, you are an inspiration you don't realise how much so!
Forget the grovel's the none sence sorry's just wish him well & close the book.

Your gonna be just fine, you've taught me a thing or two sharing your situation with us, and I think your wonderful.

So you go and you enjoy your time with your brother.
If your feeling overwhelmed when it all sinks in do come back on so we can all remind you of what a GOOD move you made!

Take care big hugs x

[Purplebluebird]

So glad to see your last update! Hope the rest of your trip goes well, and no more delays

[SabineUndine]

Let us know once you're back, please!

[bibliomania]

Oh well done, well done OP! So pleased and relieved for you. I do take your point that he's not necessarily a bad person in himself, but childhood conditioning creates very powerful default expectations and it sounds like he's not prepared to question himself and work on himself enough to challenge those defaults.

[Hissy]

Well done you! Make sure he can't contact you again, for any reason.

[Memoires]

Ah, have a wonderful time catching up wuth your brother. When they're good, they're very very good, big brothers!

Hope you get your laptop up and running soon, and back to work. A bit of actual normality is very grounding (someone once told me that green shoes were grounding, funnily enough I did find that they were! Autosuggestion, placebo, who cares?!).

[ptumbi]

OP - so are you still in Africa? I'm just concerned that in a few days time, when your brother has heard the facts and he is a man after all and might have his own spin on it, and your dh has been on the phone (crying) and you are starting to 'come down'; from the adrenaline, that you will start thinking 'it wasn't so bad' and minimising and 'missing him' and softening. And then you go back, and it is ok for a while until it starts again...

At least if you were in UK you would be a further step removed. Please read this thread again if you start wavering.

[Purplebluebird]

Hope you are safe confused.

[Mrdarcyswife]

Hey Op
Are you safe?
I hope you get that lap top fixed and when you are ready can update.

You have been so brave.
Wishing you well in your new life

[PapaverSomniferum]

Sorry to see the OP hasn't come back (not that she's in any way obliged to update, just that she was posting a lot before).

If you're still reading, I hope you got back to the UK safely and he didn't manage to stop you at the last minute, Confused.