DH hurt my wrist, will he do it again?

[confused0086]

Hello, name changed for this.
I've been married for 3 months, together for 2 years but we were long distance for most of that. We both smoke. Before we got married he told me he wanted me to quit, I said I would like him to quit with me and we agreed we would after the wedding but it kind of got forgotten. Yesterday he started saying I have to quit and he doesn't want a wife who smokes. He said he doesn't want to quit anymore. He starts a new job next month but currently doesn't have one so I pay for everything. I told him I thought it was ridiculous that he expects me to buy him cigarettes but I'm not allowed them. He went off in a sulk and I went out to the garden to smoke. I realise that was childish. He came out and got right in my face and told me to put it out. I said no and backed away from him and then he grabbed my wrist and twisted it hard so I dropped it. It really hurt and I was so shocked that he did it. I went inside crying and told him he can't ever do anything like that again. He said sorry and he did seem upset. He promised he'd never do it again.
He has always seemed so gentle, it's one of the things I love most about him. I never expected him to act like that. Is it a sign of worse to come or can I believe him?
Sorry if half of this is irrelevant, I don't want to drip feed. And I know I need to quit smoking!

[confused0086]

Thank you. I'm going to and go to sleep now. Probably wont happen! I can sleep on the plane I suppose

[LyndaNotLinda]

We're all on your side OP. Nearly there. I'm sorry this has been so painful but you are so very brave and very strong and I know you will get through this.

[Purplebluebird]

So glad to hear you're getting away, safely. I'm in awe, you're a strong woman, know that!

[Libitina]

Stay safe OP.

[whywonthedgehogssharethehedge]

So close. Wish you all the best and a safe journey. Please keep us updated.

[SoleBizzz]

In awe of you. I wonder where you're going next

[Pandamanda3]

Hey op
Wow you are fantastic, brave, strong I can't find enough of a word big enough to describe you, you are an excellent role model for others.
I'm so relieved you did it, I have to say I worried you would panick and stay so to hear this news, I thank the Lord your safe!
Can I ask why your DB told him?? Did you know he was going to? I do worry as other posts have said about you being found.
So please do be careful, will your family in the uk support your decisions? And look after you?
Maybe if so then you could stay with them, I just think it's good to have a rock beside you to lean on as right now you are going at 100mile an hour your filled with adrenalin but in a few days you may settle & feel a bit well shell shocked more than anything as it hits you what a wonderfully strong & brave woman you've been.

So I think & im sure others would agree you could do with somebody to just look after you for a bit in this transition of being there to now being here, to help you process things more clearer.

Do me a favour op when you get to the uk, pop into your local police station tell them who you are and why your home, ask them to make a note on record of your arrival so then they are aware of your situation. God forbid he should turn up in the uk when he realises that's it, the police are already well informed and ready to step in should the need arise.

They will also give you some points of contact maybe put you in touch with the domestic violence officer for your local area who will make it there business to keep a check on you.

Please get some rest on that plane, and get through that gate 1st in line to airside. Then your home & dry lovely it's all gonna be ok.

Get home to your family get your own cat & have a cig 😉 in peace because you can, ( not that smokings good for you like lol!!!)

Please please keep posting, you do as previously mentioned have us all on the edge of our seats. And I for one will breath out when I know your home!
Hell you can come stay with me!

[Pandamanda3]

P.s soz for long post 'just seen how long it actually was oops !!! 🙈

[wotoodoo]

Just in awe. Op when you are back in the UK and we know you are safe it would be good f MN could turn this into a Classic to help others.

[franklyidontgiveadamscarlet]

Well confused I was going to comment earlier but now very glad you got your marriage certificate. For some reason I really thought that was something you really needed to take with you.
Hopefully where ever you are now you are safe.
Please be aware all the time who is around you and be watchful.

There is no going back now.
Look after yourself a new life awaits you.

[Atenco]

Just read this and am so happy for you, OP, you are so wise for your young years. Of course I am sorry that your marriage hasn't turned out as you hoped, but as someone who in my youth fell for the remorse and I will never do it again line, I am really impressed by and glad to see your decisiveness.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Good luck today OP.
You have been quick to save yourself and well done to your DB for helping.

[TheMaddHugger]

Mega soft ((((((((((Hugs confused0086 ))))))))))))).

Check in when you can, I know these folks worry.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

I hope it went well today. 3am! Woof.

[Lessthanaballpark]

OP how was your flight? Fingers crossed everything went to plan

[notapizzaeater]

Glad you got away - hope you slept on the plane

[USbound]

Well done your DB and it seems men respond to men and your family are on your side. You need them to stay that way when you get back.
I think pandas advice about piping into your local police station is a great one.
Expect to crash and worry you've done the wrong thing when you get back, but fingers crossed you'll be supported by your family who are all like your brother

[Allatseainthemidlands]

Please let us know when you've landed safely OP- we are all thinking of you

[Dinah85]

Been following, another who is really looking forward to hearing you're safely back home.

[jaffacakesaremyfave]

I just wanted to say confused what an incredibly brave and strong women you are. I wish I had your strength so many years ago.

I married an African man when I was 18 and fell pregnant almost immediately (we lived in the uk and I am British).

The violence and abuse escalated as soon as I fell pregnant and became worse each time (3DS later). I stayed for 6 years, each time I left he would always manage to convince me to come back as I was so isolated and overwhelmed with the children.

He was convicted of assault after giving our eldest DS (4 at the time) a black eye when he pounced on me for answering him back and accidentally elbowed him in the eye.

He went to a domestic violence course but couldn't accept he had done anything wrong. He believes to the core of who he is that because he is a man he has the right to control his wife, no matter how far he has to go to make that happen. It's so painful to accept that the person you thought you loved isn't the man you thought they were.

It's even more painful to watch your children cry as you get beaten and watch their father get arrested, too young to understand and torn in loyalty.

I can promise you you are saving your future self from so much anguish by getting out now. Having children with a man like this is truly soul destroying as even after you leave the abuse will continue through your children and during visitation.

You are doing the right thing, he will never change and will never truly be sorry.

[confused0086]

Hi everyone, I'm in the departure lounge waiting for my second flight, will be out the country very soon. Flights been delayed but really everything's went pretty smoothly today and apart from 1 grovelling text I've not seen or heard H. I'm going to go and stay with my brother for a bit. We've hardly seen each other in the last few years so will be nice.
I feel o.k. I'm sad but I know it's not the end of the world. I've been through worse. I know it was better to do it now. Yesterday I thought that the quicker it was over the quicker I'd get over it. That's my new mantra. I'm going to sort out counselling. And quit smoking, because I want to, not because I was told to : )
jaffacakes thats so awful, I hope you and your DCs are happy now x
panda really good advice, thank you. I asked my DB to tell H that a relative in the U.K was ill, I didn't know he would say otherwise. O.K in the end though.

Need to get my laptop fixed asap so I can get back to work so won't be on here until then. I can feel it's going to croak soon. I am safe now though, thank you all again!

[Libitina]

Onwards and upwards OP

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

OP, you've done the right thing. There will no doubt be times in the future when you might look back and think that you overreacted. Remember the stories on this thread - you didn't overreact. My dh of too many years to remember has never grabbed any part of me out of anger or to try to control me. Not ever.

Good luck

[nilbyname]

Op! Amazing.

Have an inflight drink cx

[Footle]

And the answer to the question in your thread title , dear Confused, is No, he won't get the chance !