DH hurt my wrist, will he do it again?

[confused0086]

Hello, name changed for this.
I've been married for 3 months, together for 2 years but we were long distance for most of that. We both smoke. Before we got married he told me he wanted me to quit, I said I would like him to quit with me and we agreed we would after the wedding but it kind of got forgotten. Yesterday he started saying I have to quit and he doesn't want a wife who smokes. He said he doesn't want to quit anymore. He starts a new job next month but currently doesn't have one so I pay for everything. I told him I thought it was ridiculous that he expects me to buy him cigarettes but I'm not allowed them. He went off in a sulk and I went out to the garden to smoke. I realise that was childish. He came out and got right in my face and told me to put it out. I said no and backed away from him and then he grabbed my wrist and twisted it hard so I dropped it. It really hurt and I was so shocked that he did it. I went inside crying and told him he can't ever do anything like that again. He said sorry and he did seem upset. He promised he'd never do it again.
He has always seemed so gentle, it's one of the things I love most about him. I never expected him to act like that. Is it a sign of worse to come or can I believe him?
Sorry if half of this is irrelevant, I don't want to drip feed. And I know I need to quit smoking!

Lotta, it is only now looking back on it that I realise how bad it was. At the time, it was so gradual that it became almost normal and each new thing seemed petty - taken on its own. I believed him when he said he loved me and it was my fault for provoking him - my husband and I still argue about it as he sees the whole situation as unacceptable whereas I still believe that I contributed to it by my behaviour in some way. I would hate for the OP to end up in my situation.

I feel like Murdered By My Boyfriend should be mandatory viewing for young people just getting in relationships. It always starts out with seemingly "minor" controlling behaviour, the abuser is always seemingly devastated when it escalates to violence and promise it'll never happen again. It always does.

Thatwaslulu, if you were able to talk to your ex's subsequent girlfriends, I bet you would find that he behaved no better to them. Would you think they were partly to blame as well ? I bet you wouldn't.

Lulu, you are in no way to blame for that man's behaviour. What would you say to a friend who told you the same story - that she did nothing to deserve it, or that she partly brought it on herself? We're often much kinder to other people than we are to ourselves

I hope you are safe confused

Don't forget if you can't get a quick flight to the UK then get to Europe and sort out transport from there.

Hi everyone. I'm safe, thanks so much for all the support, it means a lot. there's something with my laptop but if it doesn't die in 30 seconds will tell you more

Good news.

Can't wait to hear the story!

Glad you are safe

Glad to hear you are safe.

Wishing you luck and strength OP.

Great news, OP. Looking forward to the details.

Hooray - so happy and relieved for you OP.

Last night it rained so H's football got cancelled. This morning I text my DB and told him whats happened and want I want to do. I was worried that he wouldn't help or would say I was overreacting but he didn't. He phoned H and told him that I'm scared of him now and he needs to let me go home and have some time to think. Yesterday I said on here that I wasn't scared of him but I was lying, I am a bit. DB told him that he's told the embassy and that someone from the embassy will be waiting for me in the capital airport tomorrow. Not true at all but H believed it. He respects my brother. He drove me to the domestic airport and I've got a flight for tomorrow morning. I don't know where I'm going after that. I might go somewhere new and have an adventure. My DB has lent me some money until I get paid. I'm staying in a hotel tonight, H has gone home. He cried a lot. But I think he thinks I'll come back. In the car we talked, he said he feels confused and conflicted about who he is and what he expects from a wife and marriage. His childhood was similar to mine. I don't think that deep down he's a bad person. But I think he'll do bad things. He says he'll do anything it takes to fix things but I don't think there's anything that can make me trust him again. I don't think I trust myself now, my judgement is off. And I definitely can't help him either. Some of you suggested I have counselling and I'm definitely going to do that. I've cried so much this afternoon that my nose and eyelids look weird, I now only bear a slight resemblance to my passport photo. Thank you all for your words of wisdom and encouragement and for sharing your own stories with me. Some of the things I read horrified me. If I hadn't of posted on here I wouldn't have left.

What a great update! Still a little worried for you, though. Hope he can't find you, or easily figure out which flight you're on.

Strongly suggest you get to the airport wwaaaaaayyyy early and get through to the secure area well in advance. Might even be worth hiring a "bodyguard" from the hotel or something. Just to make that last bit becore you leave the country a little smoother.

op

Well I stand my first post, you are MAGNIFICENT and brave.

Take your time.

Good luck x

I second PSE - get there really early and get behind security.

Good luck tomorrow - hope you have a good flight and can finally feel safe.

Don't tell H where you are; it's not unknown for 'family members' to track down 'wayward' wives, to show them the error of their ways.

I'll be in the airport from about 3am. He wont do anything, my DB has scared him talking about ambassadors and interpol. Plus he thinks I'll come back. I'll be fine : )

Also I took our marriage certificate and contract and stuff. He has nothing to prove he's even my husband.

You've been so brave and level headed. Safe travels

Hi confused

re your comment:-
"DB told him that he's told the embassy and that someone from the embassy will be waiting for me in the capital airport tomorrow".

That was a very smart move on your brother's part. Saying that to him also put the frighteners on your current H as well.

"He drove me to the domestic airport and I've got a flight for tomorrow morning. I don't know where I'm going after that. I might go somewhere new and have an adventure".

I think you need to return to your home nation ultimately and at the very least rebuild your life. That process starts now.

You need to be airside as soon as possible after arriving at the airport. Good luck to you.

Wow! I'm an awe of your bravery. You are amazing.

Gosh, your clarity of thought is stunning.

Please post on this thread when your in the airport through security if you can OP, and maybe again when you are in the UK!!

I think we are all just rooting for you to get on that plane and be safe and sound, please keep us updated. You have many mumsnetters on the edge of their seats.

You are very strong and motivated, to know something was wrong, post it, accept the advice and do something about it quickly. Massive round of applause for you!!