I find myself in a difficult and lonely predicament and hope that the Mumsnet community can advise me.
My husband, who I will call Mark, and I have five children. The oldest - a boy - is 18 and due to leave home for university in September. The others are girls aged between 4 and 10. My parents are no longer living and I am an only child, so my husband and children are my only family.
Mark is a successful professional and provides a very comfortable lifestyle for his family. We have been married for 20 years and I have not worked since the birth of my son nearly 19 years ago.
Two years ago we moved from our home in London to a beautiful lochside house in a remote rural area of the Scottish Highlands. Mark works from home most of the time, normally visiting London on business two or three times a year.
Until recently, I was happier than I have ever been and considered myself most fortunate. Our home and lifestyle seemed perfect. I work hard to make a lovely and comfortable home and to keep myself as attractive as possible for Mark. I am in my early forties and realise the importance of not letting myself go. I am a slender size 10 and always ensure that my hair and makeup are perfect.
Mark is the love of my life and we and the children are such a close-knit unit that we have never felt a need for friends outside the family. Apart, that is, from the friend I will call Gina.
Gina and I have been friends since we were in primary school. She and I were together when I met Mark and for a few years she dated one of his friends. Gina still lives in London, but has stayed with us in our new home twice since we moved here. She is the same age as me and although quite pretty, she is a stone or two over weight. I have never considered her a rival for Mark's affection.
The last time Gina visited, she was due to stay for a week, but ended up staying for two weeks. On the last evening of her stay, I observed Mark and Gina by the loch in what appeared to be an intimate embrace. Neither of them is aware of what I saw.
Since that evening I have been in despair. I keep trying to convince myself that what I saw meant nothing. However, in the five months since Gina returned to London, Mark has been 'away on business' six times. Sometimes he has been away for more than a week.
I dare not confront either of them with my suspicions, but I am terrified every time he goes away that he won't come back. I am so afraid of losing him that I am even prepared to turn a blind eye to his infidelity if I have to. I am afraid that if I confront Mark he will leave me for good.
When he is at home he is his usual self, a loving and thoughtful husband and father.
Please tell me what I should do.