Brave Babes Battle Bus - Holding our heads up like thistles

[MaryMungoAndMidgies]

I bit the bullet - Come on in, excuse the faint whiff of dog!

The last thread

Hope this is my dictation don't even need an app. Just little icon on the keyboard and away we go.

Sometimes my effort's are old, and you do you still need to tap the keyboard to select the icon or to correct something.

Also it struggles sometimes with my accent. You could dictate and someone else could proof read and correct oh and another problem is you have to think quickly, because if you stop talking for more than M a moment it will go back to type normal type and then you have to select icon again. It makes me think quickly. It makes

Leave us in suspense why don't you joey
Will pm you hope. The research profs are putting together a good proposal but I worry it will suck up all the money and leave none for me!
I have been out tonight having reflexology and driving home all I could think of was the glass of wine when I got in..even at 9pm. So I thought as hard as I could of all the Babes, made a cup of tea and went straight to bed, where I am now......A fucking F!

Checking in - I really need to cut down on my drinking.

Good luck to all the babes

Hello Paw - welcome, you are in the right place for motivation & support.

Well done demented on kicking the WW into touch last night.
After a lot of mental wrangling, I've achieved my dry month. Thanks to everyone on here for the big part you've played - your encouragement & understanding has helped so much, as well as reading of your journeys.
Funnily although my aim was always to have a break & then try & moderate, I feel inclined to keep trying to stay AF. I feel if I do drink again, I will be tempted to do so with a vengeance! Also, in some ways maybe it's easier to just not drink rather than go back to the exhausting cycle of thinking when to drink, how much to drink & who is noticing! Ran out of nice soft drinks last night which was a struggle, so off to top up later.
Wishing everyone a happy Wednesday - enjoy whatever you have planned

Sorry ma, as you can see the dictation is a bit hit and miss sometimes!

Thread has gone quiet, but just checking in to say well done summer you are right about the exhausting cycle. It never ends.

You are doing well, keep going. I have failed this evening, promised I would cook for mr Lala, for reason this freaks me out. Taken little miss puppy for a massive walk and supposed to be riding v early tomorrow. We polished off a bottle of whiskey last night, after I rode, and I have been suffering the after effects...

Trying to organise a weekend away with my friend. Feel like I am failing at life. Off to waitrose to go and try and cook fish cakes.... Need a shower. This sort of stuff should never be undertaken after nearly two bottles of wine :-(

It's very quiet here today!

paw welcome.

summer a month AF is a great achievement, as is deciding to carry on AF.

lala hope your ok. I get the 'failing at life' feeling too. I've always justified to myself that as I've managed to work I'm therefore functioning, but actually I feel and act like a child most the time. I can't keep up with the basics like housework, cooking/eating anything other than bananas and toast, relationships etc.

I'm AF today and tomorrow (trying to be at least), which will be the third and fourth AF days this week. Drank last night but it was a day I'd 'allowed' myself as a drinking day. My vague hope is that I can get used to AF days so that they stop being such an effort.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed though. I have started a new rotation at work, so not a new job as such but a new team and new responsibilities. Need to fit in time to study but im just faffing about and wasting my evening.

Also got 'family' issues at the moment, being pressured to see and take responsibility for someone I really really don't want to see or have anything to do with. I usually have a drink before I even phone him, which I can't do so I'm putting it off. Feel very guilty like I'm abandoning him/my duties, but I just can't deal with it.

I guess this sort of stuff is the reason I drink, and not drinking tonight is making me think about everything more. I'm just not a resilient enough person to deal with this stuff sober.

Sorry for the negative post. Hope everyone's ok xxx

Checking in.Welcome paw.

Hello ma how are you doing?

Not long now till our holiday! We decided to go over to the west coast after spending a few days in Aberdeen. The minute I clicked "Book" I thought - the West coast? Of Scotland? In August?!!

Are we crazy? The place is going to be nothing but midgies, rain and ticks. I phoned the vet in a panic, and ended up buying tick prevention stuff. They also sold me a groovy wee gadget for removing ticks. DH ordered 3 cans of tropical strength insect repellent off amazon - the kind which can't even be sold in Boots. Today the BBC informed me that Zika virus has been found in Scotland.

I'm going to spend a delightful evening watching YouTube videos on how to remove ticks...

Joey thanks for the suggestion re: dictation app, though if it reacts to my Northern accent in the same way as Siri does I don't think my reputation for excellent copywriting will last long . Enjoy Scotland. I am one of those people that cannot leave the house without being bitten by mosquitoes (and sometimes they come in to get me) and one time my foot swelled up so much I had to work from home as could not wear shoes! So I admire your bravery and urge you to pack super strength Deet!

Elba sorry about your family issues. I know that feeling of having someone in the family that makes you want to drink before you even call them (in my case most of the in-laws!!!) and guilt trips are not nice. Don't let it throw you off course though. If you have started something new at work then you are entitled to put yourself first and say that you are putting all your energies into a new role and need time to relax and recharge at night. Take care of yourself babes x

Welcome to Paw and congratulations to Summer on the AF stint! Lala how were the fishcakes? (I cannot master anything that needs to be pan fried. Always ends up burnt outside or cold inside. What's the trick?)

Typing arm a bit better now but still not good for anything from the wrist up and useless for anything that requires lifting /gripping / holding. DCs no help at all and I am going mad with boredom. Trip out tomorrow to buy new laptop though, plus DD's birthday presents. Wish me luck - if anyone bumps into my arm in the shops they will be treated to some choice language...

Hi babes,

Sorry not been around much, our schools go back weeks after next so spending time doing fun things (fun for them anyway) and getting uniforms in.

Still sober and back in my safe little world and lost half a stone.

Be back for a chat when I finally tire my girls out, this may take some time!!!

Camping this weekend with 20,000 midgies, happy days NOT xxx

Morning babes, sorry not been around much of late, haven't had a chance to read back but wanted to check in on how elbas wedding went - I am so so so so proud of you my lovely. You smashed it. Well done

All ok here, day 6. Will dip back in when time is on my side (which it never seems to be at the moment!) hope everyone is good.

Morning All

Away in Brighton for Pride with Dd1. Having a lovely time

Will post when I get back on Sunday evening. Have a good weekend everyone

Hey all. A very quiet bus. What are you all up to?
Hope how's the elbow?
Nothing much to report here. Same old, same old.

Aww feck it, just typed a massive post and managed to lose it, grr.

Condensed version: yes it is very quiet in here - hope you lovely lot are all ok, enjoying camping/pride/the sunshine.

If I have the patience I will retype the message a bit later, got to take doglet out for a stroll in the sunshine. She has been very good and is now off the lead in the park! I am impressed that she hasn't made a bid for freedom yet (or fallen head first into the river).

hope fish cakes turned into more of a fish mess type thing, but I am pleased to report that no-one died after eating them. However my kind offer to cook dinner last night was ever so subtly turned down by mr Lala taking me out for dinner instead. Mustn't grumble.

Been doing lots of riding, hacking and schooling at two different yards on Thursday. Cue lots of achey limbs. My girl is STILL off work, so having to make do with the nemesis pony of hedge diving doom. Joyous.

ma are you up to anything exciting?

Hope everyone is ok, will name check properly later.

*fish pie even. D'oh. Stupid phone.

Hi lala . Nothing exciting today. Laundry, recycling, taking mum shopping, visiting dad...

Sounds about as exciting as my day. Sat in the garden, attempted to read, forgot to factor in the ninja aka pup. Just taken her for a walk, and I have approximately 25 mins to get myself beautified and appropriately decked out for an evening in london. Had a glass of wine, v naughty.

How is your dad, ma?

He has a terrible hacking cough, his lungs aren't great. When he starts coughing he starts to panic and get upset. Today's challenge was working out what he wanted - a book with a black spine but a long book for writing in. The pages turn like this - demonstrates turning page the way all books do - and you can write in it. Went over this for ages until he added " and after you've written it you tear the pages out and give them to people.".
Chequebook. He wants his chequebook. This will be the new obsession until something else comes up.

Oh god. There are no words of comfort I could possibly give. Hope you and he are ok. I remember my dear departed Irish grandma. On Christmas Day. She had no idea what day it was or why my (dearly departed) dad was giving her presents. She got very upset because apparently the other 'inmates' as she called them, had been stealing her clothes hangers... That was a Christmas Day I wish I could forget. The nurses etc were extremely kind, but dementia is a cruel beast.

Hope you are ok ma. Forgotten what you lovely Scottish lot call hugs bosies if I remember correctly. But lots of them for you.

How is your beach? I know it's not yours but I like to pretend it is...

Oh that sounds so hard ma and so tough for you to be going through

Thanks, it doesn't upset me too much most of the time. Dad and I have never been close. He was abusive and we left him when I was a teenager. So it doesn't tug my heart strings as much as if it were my mother, with whom I am very close. But it can catch you unawares sometimes. It brings back old issues. The tyrannical monster who donated my childhood is a frightened, tearful old man who shits himself. He takes my hand now - something he never ever did when I was a child. He's no longer violent and aggressive. It's weird. In some ways he's easier to deal with now,and I mean no disrespect to those who have lost genuine loved ones to this illness. It's just another thing to deal with....

ma that sounds very difficult. It must be a highly conflicting feeling. Sending you hugs.

Hi all, having a very lazy Sunday here watching crap tv in my pyjamas. Should really be doing some reading, but I'm absolutely knackered from work, this week has been totally ridiculously busy. Im actually seriously considering whether I want to look at emigrating sometime in the not too distant future- I love my job but the conditions at the moment are totally shit, to the point that I don't always feel like I'm safe. I'm not sure how sustainable it is for me

But on a much more positive note, if I don't drink tonight (I actually don't want to!!!) this week will be a new personal best of 5 AF days, and 25 units. For the first time ever my app is classing me as an 'increasing risk' rather than 'high risk' drinker Im not kidding myself that it's great, it's obviously still too much to drink over two nights, but it's progress.

Last night was a 'drinking night' and I'm really quite hungover today. It's very scary that the amount I drank last night was probably my baseline amount every night not very long ago, with a few big binges thrown in along the way. I wasn't blackout drunk, but definitely stumbling about drunk. I'm actually starting to quite enjoy going to bed sober with my cup of tea, and can't believe I was so completely terrified of it before.

My usual pattern though seems to be that when I manage a period of more control I then head into a massive binge and write of the next few weeks so I'm not complacent. Allocating AF nights in advance seemed to work this week, so next week I will be AF Monday, Tuesday, Saturday and Sunday. My only goal at the moment is to be AF for more nights than I drink, in the hope that maybe not drinking might start to feel more 'normal'.

claret lovely to hear from you, I was wondering how you were! Thank you for checking in on me, means a lot Hope your ok lovely

lala how was your night out? Sounds like things are going well with Mr lala! Very happy for you

ma I think your amazing for still visiting your father given the circumstances.

Hope everyone's having a good weekend. I'm going to get dressed and attempt to do something constructive...I really just want to go back to bed though

5 AF is AMAZING Elba. Seriously. You are an inspiration. And you get to drive the bus! Take us somewhere nice.
Tomorrow is our 29th wedding anniversary. The dcs gave us a voucher for a meal out at Christmas so we are using it tonight..
It all seems so pointless when I feel nothing for him.
I feel......I don't know. Disconnected?