Brave Babes Battle Bus - Holding our heads up like thistles

[MaryMungoAndMidgies]

I bit the bullet - Come on in, excuse the faint whiff of dog!

The last thread

Well done Elba, you can wear the Smock of Smug (when we find it ... Last seen on Spanna?)

Ma know how you feel only too well. . Just enjoy the food ! I've had a whole holiday trying to push down my feelings of indifference and barely concealed contempt, and now stuck in with broken elbow so unable to escape.

Utterly fed up with life at the moment. No job, not seeing anyone (colleagues, mates) due to being stuck in plus unemployed, feel bored and boring. Stack of paperwork, cleaning, accounts to do, one armed. Just utterly, utterly down. Sorry not posting much but tendency to waffle on like this means I'm better off not doing so. Was it only a few weeks ago that I was working and busy, active, valued? I feel like a non person at home. So, so depressing. My life is upside down, most people tolerate work and value time with their families. I love my kids to bits of course, but tbh the more time I spend at home the lower my self esteem plummets. And I mean FAST.

Hope all the babes are doing better and having a good weekend. What sort of restaurant are you off to Ma?

Just a normal one, nothing too expensive although being Edinburgh wine is £6 a glass, which pisses me off. Its just a rip off. Probably why we don't eat out even if we could afford it. I get arsy about the inflated prices.
Looks like we are going to miss the train though as dd has managed to get lost on the way home and is still miles away when she should be taking us to the station!

Oh dear ... Hope you made it. £6 for a glass of wine fairly standard in most cities I've been to ... Agree it's ridiculous but I love to eat out, so ..... Just setting up my new computer here, drowning in passwords. Have a big dessert anyway

Aww thank you ma and hope kind of surprised myself a bit this week.

Struggling this evening though...but if I drink then it won't be 5 AF days and I will be really pissed off at myself. Plus I have the GP first thing, then work and I don't want to be hungover for either again I think it's habit more than anything, I don't actually fancy the taste particularly, just the feeling that something is wrong or missing.

I've stocked up on AF drinks and have had a bit of everything this evening...tonic water, orange juice, tomato juice, fizzy water, ginger beer and now an AF cider. Starting to feel a bit sick so should probably not mix anymore!!!

Hope you got to dinner ma and are at least managing to enjoy the food.

hope you sound so down Did you manage to find out how much movement they are happy for you to do with your arm? Is the pain controlled? Thinking of you and sending virtual hugs ️xxx

Welcome sun sounds like you have a plan which is good. It always helps to have a strategy.
Chin up hope. Any tenders in the pipeline?

As you know Ma better than most. Lots of 'you're brilliant, will be keen to work with you in future' but projects delayed, funding being reviewed, etc etc so things stuck in the pipeline rather than in the bag, and not doing well applying for advertised jobs (3 applications, 3 rejections). Got a small project to be getting on with but losing confidence by the day away from my support network and stuck in with WB who talks over me and criticises me so I feel like shit

I can't feel like I'll succeed when I'm stuck here with my dysfunctional family, reminding me daily of all the areas of my life that are a massive failure. Had another row last night as he told me not to use my laptop in the living room as it annoyed him and I had to work in the other room at the back of the house. It's a brand new one that only arrived that day, Dd and I were trying it out and we had all just watched a film on it. I told him I would go in whatever room I liked in my own home and reminded him that I wouldn't be at home by choice and lost neither my job nor the use of my arm deliberately to annoy him, and said if he couldn't be civil he should go to live at his mother's. Twunt won't of course as long as I have enough in the bank to keep paying the bills. And it's Dd's birthday tomorrow (the big 13) and she's having friends to stay, so back to plastering a happy smile on for another few days. Life sucks right now.

excellent response to WB hope. should have reminded him that as you pay for everything, he only gets to live in YOUR house at Your discretion so he should tread a bit more carefully!

Im really really down today. 29th wedding anniversary and never felt so fucking lonely and hopeless. DH isn't the WB he once was ( but believe me he has earned his spurs) but its all just nothing. did the obligatory dinner out and ate pretty much in silence, watched the Olympics on a big scree in a pub and came home. Kept seeing other couples laughing and chatting, holding hands, kissing...there is none of that. He didn't make any effort to get dresses up - the top he wore had paint on it - or get a shave. this morning he said "Happy Anniversary" and I said "Happy Anniversary" and that was that. I'm in the office on my own all day and just cannot muster the energy or enthusiasm to do the million and one things I have to do. having a pity party.

Oh ma, hugs for you.can you salvage it, do you think?

I saw two of my exes Today. One I lived with for two years, and the other one who got me pregnant, told me there was no way he was ready for a child, then as soon as I had an abortion, he promptly dumped me and got married and as far as I know, she is pregnant.

Just got to laugh or I would cry. Needless to say, I am on the wine. Why can't I cope with this sort of stuff?? It's not like it even affects me anymore...

Sorry for bringing to mood down once again

True to form after a good week I've buggered up at the start of the next . Literally every time I get some sort of control it lasts a week then I mess it up. Every singe time. Without fail. I didn't get home until 10, it's so pointless to be sat here drinking now and I have therapy early tomorrow. Only the second week...I don't want to be hungover Sorry haven't read back, will do tomorrow. Just so pissed of at myself.

Haven't posted in ages as have been head down in the sidecar. But i have been reading and just want to say elba I really think you need to focus on the positives and how much you have achieved so far on your journey. I think we both joined the bus at about the same time and I wish I had achieved a fraction of your af days. Keep moving forwards and don't get disheartened by your setbacks, if it was easy there'd be no need for this bus!

Hi work thank you, and sorry for the winge last night. You're right about focusing on the positives, I'm not great at that! I hope your ok, please do post if it helps, even if you are in the sidecar.

I think one slip for me usually leads to many more as I just go into 'can't do this, no point trying, let's just self destruct' mode and it generally takes a cracking hangover to get back to day 1 again. Have to break that pattern somehow. I'm working tonight so this is a fairly easy AF day for me, ive just about sidestepped the lunchtime pre nap glass of wine and am headed to bed for the afternoon. So on the positive side, this is day 6 of 9 for August.

Big hugs to lala, hope and ma. Sorry you all seem so down, wish I had some advice but I dont know what to say to help.

claret and wry where are you?! Hope your both ok!

Anyway I'm going to try and get a bit of sleep...night all! ️Xxx

Well done elba, so proud of you! I very ashamed of myself have not had an AF day since the day after the wedding when I spectacularly crashed and burned. Shame on me. but you are doing so so well, well done babe!

ma and hope how are things? Hopefully a bit brighter today or is that too much to wish for?

Got myself into such a rut at the moment, off work for the summer and it is so so so easy to just idle away my days. I cope much better when I am in a routine. Only just getting up and getting ready to go out now poor mr Lala (I annoy myself every time I type that, but not sure how else to refer to him!), because I have been sleeping in, I don't get tired until it's quite late and I have had some drinks, and he is working 12 hour days at the moment, overslept again this morning and got into trouble at work... However, my ritual lie in was disturbed today by the roofers tearing tiles off the roof, although it sounded (and felt) more like the world was ending. Going to do some washing now, get that out of the way, then go out with pup before riding this eve. Very fed up with the horse, still off work

Hope everyone is having a good day? And yes, where are you claret and wry? And has no-one heard from halle recently? I hope she is ok...

lala I'd be exactly the same if I had the summer off work. Much as I moan about work, I need the structure. That said, I have to go to work now and I really don't want to!!! When do you start back?

September. Kind of looking forward to it. without massively outing myself hey ho. Had a really stupid horse related accident this evening, stupid pony (not my girl - still off sick), was buggering about, she had blown herself out (which means her girth was loose), tightened it up lots of times but mid canter it swung under her belly. Cue me on the floor, smashed my knee quite badly. And stupidly got on another horse about half an hour later. Then was surprised when my right leg was useless.

Currently sat with an ice pack and tea towel on my knee, had half a co-codamel and feeling rather silly.

Co- codamol is making me sleepy... Trying to watch a film with the mr. Difficult when you have icy water dripping down your leg!

Not read back yet, Babes. Got to day 7 before I fell off the bus visiting family. Back onboard now, day three, spent day 2 pretending I didn't have the most appalling headache, but hopefully a little further on with the detox.

Catch you later.

Hello sweets good to see you back

We're here on holiday! Aberdeen is drizzly but not too cold. Ma I waved as we went past you. It's lovely to see the sea again...

joey glad it's not too cold. Hopefully that will keep the midgets away...

sweets hello waves hope all is ok, ish?

Sat with another ice pack on my sodding knee. Limped about with the dog. Had another co-codamol, so at least there shall be no drinking for me tonight. I am officially a drama queen when it comes to hurting myself. What with me, elba and hope, we are an accident prone lot, even when sober.

ma how are you holding up?

Love to all.

Midgets???? I meant midges ffs. I assure you all I have nothing against the vertically challenged! (Forgive me if that is not the pc term).

Ouch lala that sounds painful full
Hey joey have a good holiday
Sweet good to see you back.

lala at midgets! Hope your knees ok...yes we are an accident prone lot. In fact true to form I head butted a cupboard door at work last night (not badly, but this sort of thing seems to be a weekly occurrence )

sweet great to see you back!

joey hope your having a lovely holiday!

My best friend had her twin babies today! Finding out she was pregnant was actually one of the main things that prompted me to post here for the first time. I was hungover and low (as usual), in a state of real fear over my drinking at the time, and remember just feeling totally disconnected and emotionless when she told me, and having to put on a reaction. That's awful to admit. Her and her husband and parents have always been more like family to me than my own 'family', and I just remember thinking that I really really ought to be feeling something but just feeling totally numb.

However it's safe to say that is not the case today and the emotions are very much there!! I've had a little cry, keep looking at the photo she's sent me and have texted lots of random friends who've never even met her just cos I'm excited and need to tell literally everyone I was thinking maybe these little ones would provide a bit of motivation to sort myself out a bit, but on reflection they already have- I'm in such a different place to when I found out they were on there way back in January, and that's in no small part due to everyone on this bus.

Anyway, sorry for the soppy post. It will probably out me if anyone I know reads this, but wanted to share ️xxx

Evening,

I failed a day three. All going well, got through a two hour remortgage appointment, cooked, took SweetDog for a nice long walk, hosed him down and settled down for the evening. Except pup wouldn't settle, cue trip to emergency vet to have a 4cm gash in his groin stitched, we think from barbed wire. He's still there, we're waiting for the call to pick him up. Anyway, wasn't monitoring, poured, drank. Bugger.

Anyway, lovely to see you all, Joey, enjoy the holiday. Elba, you have come so far. Lala, you are so accident prone, hope it isn't more serious than ice and cocodamol have you had it checked out? Ma, read back about your bargain posh frock, sounds super. I went to a cousins wedding in a floaty layered number I found cheap in, of all places, a garden centre! Everyone else was in identi-kit Coast/Phase Eight style occasion wear, you'll rock it!

Happy Thursday everyone. Sweet your evening sounds enough to send anyone over the edge! I hope your pup is ok now? Lovely news for you Elba, watching babies grow & thrive is s magical thing. They will probably be a very positive influence on you - however it sounds like you are making enormous progress! Lala - hope you are not hobbling about too much. Lots of human & canine injuries on here at the moment! Take care everyone.
So I broke my 4 week dry spell at the weekend as had family to stay, who turned up with a lovely bottle of fizz. What could I say?? Had 2 glasses of fizz & 2 big glasses of wine - so fairly restrained. Enjoyed the fizz but not the wine. And then was awake at 3 feeling really restless with palpitations! So it reinforced that me & alcohol really do need to part company.
Also - a really positive side effect of kicking the booze & sleeping better is that my puffy eyes look much better. To the extent I might consider loosing my glasses that I wear to cover my bags & wear contacts again. Yea.
Keep up the good work everyone!

Morning All.

Summer, it's good that those glasses of fizz gave you confirmation (not good that you had to have the palpitations and sleeplessness though).

SweetDog is very sorry for himself this morning. We picked him up from the emergency vet at 1 this morning, the wound was worse that it appeared and just missed his bladder, so lots of internal and external stitches. So he is joining Wry's poor girl in the cone of shame, and crate rest; and because his snout is so long, he has to have a collar that is really too big, so he can't get his nose to the ground to sniff or drink .

Anyway, Day one, have a good one Babes.

I think he's blaming me!