Brave Babes Battle Bus - Holding our heads up like thistles

[MaryMungoAndMidgies]

I bit the bullet - Come on in, excuse the faint whiff of dog!

The last thread

Great dress choice elba, I hope you have a great time - you deserve it. Your plans sound good - stick with it and you'll feel so pleased come Sunday.

Elba sounds like you have a good plan! Hope you have a great time, at least you won't be worrying about having drunk too much.

I'm 10 days into the second six-week chunk. And realised that actually it's easy when there are no problems to deal with. Last weekend turned out to be quite stressful, and I was really craving a drink. First I went to a party where I didn't know anyone. I'm a natural introvert, and find making small talk very hard.

Then on Saturday I was visiting my parents, and really dreading it. I was convinced it would be an awful evening, and when DH went to the offie I very nearly succumbed. In fact the evening turned out fine, which just goes to show that sometimes our fears are worse than reality. And I'd have drunk a bottle of wine for no reason. Which would have way worse than any situation with my parents. Crisis averted.

Well done joey it's good you've got to the point where you can see exactly what your triggers are, and that actually you can be ok in the situations that have in the past made you drink. You are doing so bloomin well. Well done.

Hi Babes

Good choice Elba really nice dress

Claret hope you're having a good day x

Joey well done you, 10 days in and so good that you did party and DM

Just picking DD1 up from councillor and plan to take her for something to eat. DD2 at gym until 9. So bit of time with DD1. I feel like I spread myself so thinly between them

elba dress looks lovely! You will be the belle of the ball (or whatever the wedding equivalent is). And your plan sounds well thought out, just don't do what I did, which was exactly the thing you described that you didn't want to happen. That awful feeling on the morning after of what did I do/say/offend...

spanna my girl is still off work so I rode the replacement one, who had just been taken into the yard for turn out, and was highly unamused at being taken back to be ridden - she basically point blank refused to do anything, but we did manage a rather impressive display of bucking all down the centre line of the school. I got disheartened and got off after about thirty mins, naughty me I know, but I just wasn't in the mood to keep fighting with her.

So I did what I always do when feeling disheartened/angry/happy/sad/bored, came home and drank far too much. Been feeling all shaky and anxious all day and not managed to leave the house yet. Summoning the strength to take pup on a long walk, we've been playing in the garden but she (like pony) has let her displeasure be known by destroying an egg carton all over the grass, and trying to pull all the washing that I have just done off the washing line, and looking at me with sad and disappointed big brown puppy eyes. I am a terrible puppy mum. I am going to take her out for a good run now.

wry how is your little one? I hope she is well on the road to recovery, or at least not bashing too many things with the cone of doom.

joey well done for Saturday, you are so strong.

Hi to claret, ma and everyone else. Hope you are having a good Wednesday xx

The Board met today. They have agreed to continue until the end of August. I have one month to turn things round, or at least make them more positive....

Morning babes. I heard this song for the millionth time yesterday but it was the first time I'd listened to the words - then the dj confirmed it is about alcoholism. If you've not heard it, have a listen, it's called Chandelier by Sia, it's a powerful song. Here are the lyrics....

Party girls don't get hurt
Can't feel anything, when will I learn
I push it down, push it down

I'm the one "for a good time call"
Phone's blowin' up, ringin' my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love

1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink

Throw 'em back, till I lose count

I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

But I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

Sun is up, I'm a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame

1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink

Throw 'em back till I lose count

I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

But I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

On for tonight
'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Oh, I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight
'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight
'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Oh, I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight

Oh ma, have you got an action plan? Keeping everything crossed for you.

claret thanks for sharing that song. You are right, it is a powerful song, and hits a bit close to home... I am sure we can all identify with it to one degree or another.

So, going away for the weekend tomorrow and I am terrified. I have promised myself not to drink today, or I won't be able to make it to the airport. Feeling very anxious today after drinking (not huge amounts, but enough) yesterday. I am worried that even if I have one or two drinks in the evening while I am there, I will feel too grotty to do the things we have planned to do. Sick of this cycle. Feel like I am developing some sort of agoraphobia. Just found this definition:

The anxiety is caused by fear that there's no easy way to escape or seek help if intense anxiety develops. Most people who have agoraphobia develop it after having one or more panic attacks, causing them to fear another attack and avoid the place where it occurred.

Absolutely sums me up, almost like unless I have had a drink before hand I can't leave the house. Weirdly it doesn't happen (obviously!) if I am at work, although I do get anxious about having to walk home (I get a lift in the morning). What the hell am I going to do?

Sorry for the gloomy post. Hope you fellow babes are doing better than me.

Seems I have killed the thread with my doom and gloom!

Ok will a pic of a weeny puppy tempt anyone back to the thread???

Hi babes,

Thank you all so much for your very kind words of encouragement and understanding after my relapse. I guess when I talked about being back to square one I was talking about my loved ones.

Although it's entirely my own fault it's frustrating no matter how hard i work of how long I'm sober, my loved ones are still looking over my shoulder, especially my 17 yr old daughter. I guess on the holiday I got so sick of watching them watching me my fuck it button was pressed.

I felt unsettled being away from home, I realise I now I live in a little bubble and when I step out of it I feel vulnerable.

Watching everyone drinking having fun just awoke my stubborn, self pitying streak and frankly deluded opinion that I was just like them, turns out I'm not!!!

Anyway haven't touched a drop since I got home and started weight watchers on Monday, also gutting this midden of a house.

The good thing about stepping out of my bubble is returning with a new sense of purpose. There are many things I need to address about my life but first I'm addressing the things I can do to make my life easier and boost my own self esteem and self worth.

So a tidy house and weight loss seem like s good place to start and after that, well I guess it's one day at a time as it is for all of us.

Haven't had much chance to catch up but a quick hi to our new babes and a huge hug for wry, your an incredible lady and your beautiful baby is in the most loving hands in the world xxx

Love to all, your all incredible xxx

baby lots of love to you, you are a star

Baby I know what you mean about your relatives watching you like a hawk which can be triggering but try to remember that they are doing it from a place of love. If they didn't care they wouldn't be anywhere near you, they would be long gone.

Try to think of it as a positive reinforcement of how much they want this for you. For your happiness and wellbeing, not theirs. Of course they can't know that their behaviour makes it harder for you and would probably be horrified if they did x

I too am hitting the health drive and clearing out parts of my house that haven't seen the light of day for a while

I'm doing pilates every morning to set me up for a positive day and 3 x ten minutes exercises for some gentle toning.

I get so much done these days because I'm not sitting around drinking or staying up late drinking or suffering the day after drinking. Getting that huge obstacle out of my life has meant that I can focus on healthy eating, exercise and generally looking after myself. This has such a positive effect on how I view myself.

Waking up hating yourself every day is no way to live babes so, come on, let's turn that around and start living for the here and now, not some distant day in the future that will never happen.

Have a good day babes

P.S. Joey, so proud of you, you're doing great and I agree with what you say; it is easy once you get rid of the habit and learn to recognise and deal with the triggers. Finding that out is the key to kicking or controlling the drink imo. How much happier we are without it!

Afternoon all, hope everyone is well on a lovely Friday.
I too have been thinking about Halle - I do hope the fact she has gone quiet is because all is going well.
It sounds like there are lots of ups & downs on this journey so want to wish everyone well & send lots of positive vibes out ahead of the weekend.
My dry spell is now at 24 days which I'm amazed at. The wine witch really tormented me yesterday after a full on day with my full on DS, but managed to satisfy her with fizzy drinks, crisps & chocolate! Sure I'm consuming more calories since I stopped alcohol.
Next weekend I have lovely family coming to stay who drink 'normally' so my plan is to abstain until then & hopefully enjoy 2 glasses of wine with them. I'm then hoping I can maintain being AF for the majority of the time as I'm sleeping so much better & my skin looks less haggard!
But I do hope the craving for wine diminishes as its s bit of a battle.
Wishing you all a good weekend & join me in battling the wicked witch!!

Ha! Oops, forgot I said I'd be back. Well I am noo, but I didn't. But I did, just not when I said I would. Ah bum.

The Bairn thinks she is now invincible and is Not Happy about crate arrest tactics. She is keeping me busy, I bought a book on entertaining dogs on strict rest, we are working through it. If anyone remembers Kevin and Perry, she gets all humphy and throws her head about. If dogs could neck snake, that's what she'd be doing.

spanna thank you for your wise and kind words, it came like a verbal bosie at just the right time. (((((tabosie))))) I am still AF, and my cider is still in the fridge. Just the one bottle, it almost feels like having a comfort blanket if that makes sense? If it all gets too much I have an 'out'. I don't think I'll have it, in fact my worst moment so far came this morning just before I went to work. If someone had put it in my hand it would have been swigged at warp speed. (disclaimer: I don't know what warp speed is, I know it's a trekkie thing or something, but it sounds fast so that will do).

I agree, filling your time is key. Someone pointed me in the direction of Candy Crush the absolute bastard and I am currently ensnared in the sweeties. No green opal fruits but still... I have also been knitting more cotton cleaning cloths, I would have tried socks but I can't do cornering. I may well do some patchwork socks, all that stitching will chafe a bit but it will be like my personal hair shirt. Or something.

I am declining all pub offers with the excuse that I need to be on BairnWatch, almost sounds like I should be doing that in a red swimsuit with a float. In reality it's jammies and an ostrich chew. Oh! The glamour!

I am astounded I've come this far, it surprises me every single day. One day my boing will come, some day we'll meet again....lalalala la.... just have to avoid the Bad Witch of the Vin. Grotty awd cow that she is.

By the way span, I bought you some curtains. I may have thrown away the receipt. My bad.

Love you really, ((((((((((((((bosie))))))))))))))) xx

Hi elba Ooh I don't think I'm a morning person, not until 7am at least! That is such a pretty dress, you will look beautiful! We will all be holding your hand tomorrow, you will be fine. Check in if you need us sweetheart, I'm off tomorrow so will be looking out for you, xx

claret hello my dear, not sure that pup loves me very much at the minute, perhaps when the cone of shame comes off, but not before! . And I absolutely love Chandelier, Sia is a real favourite on the pod at the minute. It sums everything up and it's a stonking good tune, I love to wail it to Bairn. My other favourites at the minute is Lola's Theme by The Shapeshifters. And the Russian entry for Eurovision. How has your Friday been? xx

lala aww petal, sorry your ride didn't go to plan, I for one would have got off after 15, if not 5, so you are ruddy tenacious in my eyes, so there. And you are in no way a bad mam, egg cartons are the best toy ever for a pup, and it's in the new book I bought for Bairn so it's official. Hope your trip away is going okay, we are right here, you are not alone. Btw, your bairn is so beautiful, those eyes are shining with love not disappointment. Look at the wee toot! She's actually smiling! xx

Look at you go joey! What a fab achievement! Check oot how rare ye were! I for one am shoogling like a mad thing. That was a tough evening and you sailed through it and clean oot the other side. Are you up to anything nice this weekend? xx

ma the way I see it, if anyone can buy more time and funding, it's you! Do you want me to shoogle a pail on the Royal Mile while you are having your brolly held? I would do that in a heartbeat. I could take the Bairn. See how she looks pitifully skywards only to see the cone of shame... xx

How are you doing plug and fluffy? You been doing okay? Whatcha been up to? xx

baby there's nowt like a good redup to clear your mind. You will get there, you'll see. I echo that they watch because they care, we watch too, in a slightly different way, but we watch and we care. it sounds like your blip is but a memory and your on your way again. I passed on your hug to the Bairn, she has so many lovely aunties on here, it is humbling, heartwarming and happyfying all in a oner. As for the tidying, Marie Kondo has some cool tips and the website Unfuck your habitat has some, ahem, no nonsense tips. I can't help you on the losing weight one. I had egg and chips tonight. xx

Faire your pilates reminded of me of my dearly missed Auntie. She would phone and say she'd been at her plates class, but that she found it hard and it made her gassy. I had visions of her painting pottery and suchlike, pluffing away to herself. I could never work out why it made her fart. Was it the glaze? It puzzled me for weeks and because she was quite ladylike I never questioned her. It wasn't until she asked mum along to her class that everything became clear . I loved her so much, she was a real lady, but now in my mind's eye I see her, in a pottery class in the sky.

Will try your bums, legs and arms this weekend. Not tonight though. Need my egg and chips to settle. Love, love and love again your very positive post. I'm all for the here and now hope you had a lovely day too! xx

Summer Big pompoms for your 24 whole days!! And if chocolate gets you through the day for now? Well here's a bar from me, fill your boots m'dear, keep going, you are doing so well! xx

Oh arse. Just read back and I seem to be in shoogle overload. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard... did anyone watch that episode of Family Guy? I shall stop shoogling for now, but please note that it's pompoms I shoogle and nowt else. Honest. Although with all those chips there will be more wobble than normal. And with that I shall pop off to toilet the Bairn. Catch ye in a bit, big bosies to each and every one, xx

The Bairn heading out for a pee.

Note double lead for extra control...

The monkey. What she really needs are anchor chains.

wry ya loonie. You do make everyone laugh.
I bought an outfit for the do at the Castle. I have finally given up trying to me what I'm not. I can't do fitted, and formal and smart and elegant so I have reunited myself with my inner hippy and at vast expense have a full length black skirt, silk layer over wafty layer ( £20 TK Maxx - the shop of death). Then, a black top, covered by a vair wafty see through shirt/jacket thingy in black with flashes of blue and purple and fringeing!!!! And an electric blue silk scarf. With purple hair and dangly earrings I won't be the normal corporate VIP guest. Both tops and scarf cost me £10.50 in a charity shop! Fully dressed for £30.50p. it's comfy and floaty and if it's Baltic, I can wear leggings under the skirt.
Only downside is I look like a battleship in full sail. I paraded in front of dd2 and said that I looked huge in it and, after a long pause while she struggled, she said " Well, it's odd because black is usually flattering!". Thanks!!!!

wry the pup is absolutely gorgeous.

ma to me that outfit sounds right up my street. Bout on another level...see through and wafty sounds just the ticket for a spot of drizzle. You clever article! Wet. Wafty. See through.

We'll easy spot you on the tellybox. You'll be the one covered wi all the brollies. Now it's that kind of genius that'll see you through, you are brilliant!

Oh twatters. I've just read through my last posts. If grammar was a smell, mine would be sharn. A great big pile o it.

Apologies all, after the loggyouty fiasco I daren't preview in case it disappears that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it

But oh me, it's diabolical

Bout on another level? Shine a light, I am a disgrace.

Hhhm, see through and wafty is not going to be a good look in the Scottish drizzle is it? Didn't think this through ( honestly).
This could call for my beautiful full length black wool coat -£8.75 in charity shop and my best buy ever!!!!

Thank you summer I am terribly biased, but she is. I love that wee bouf so much. Although it's a sad state of affairs when your Labrador's leg is less hairy than your own. Granted it's only one leg, but still.

I will deal with it in the morning. I don't want to wake up any sleeping orangutans in the undergrowth.

I'm going to stick a white toner through my hair tomorrow to see if I can make my grey sparkle. I'm like Aberdeen granite. I only sparkle in the sun. I'm a dour, grey, dreich thing in the rain. Although I would perk up a bit if there was a spare soldier going about with a brolly.

I'll find you a spare sodjer wry. What kind would you like?

ma nope. You thought it through perfectly! All those smart, gallant chaps making you less shivery. Genius! Take your coat, I would hate for you to get wet and cold on your way there. Then pop it under your seat when it starts spitting.

I love a good rake in a charity shop. Aberdeen and Shire has some excellent ones. Lots of money out there, and plenty folk who wouldn't be seen in anything last season. It's a treasure trove of loveliness.

My best buy was a Tanner Krolle bag for £8.50. Immaculate. I almost cried on the bus I was so chuffed. it got cuddled all the way home. I'm not weird