Brave Babes Battle Bus - Holding our heads up like thistles

[MaryMungoAndMidgies]

I bit the bullet - Come on in, excuse the faint whiff of dog!

The last thread

lala what's happened lovely? Xxx

What's up? How long did you know him before you moved in?

Sorry ma and elba, I am being a Massive drama queen... We have been together since May, so not that long... Had lots of bad news about the flat, and I have got loads of medical issues going on which make me feel even crapper.

He has gone out to get me food and wine (he obviously doesn't know about the alcohol issues), and am cuddling my puppy. I look and feel horrible. Plus I had a hospital appointment yesterday and they want to put me in immuno suppressant drugs.

Cry cry cry

Sorry lala, I'm drunk too. Can you drink on the immunosuppressants though....guess it depends on what your on and why. Also having medical issues a t the moment, worryibg a lot of its alcohol related though. Not that Ive admitted that.

Doing the drinking to oblivion thing too but not there yet, just feel sick. Ate a bowl of pasta as realised bananas couldn't sustain the amount of drinking I have planned but then got rid of it again as hate being too full. This is all self harm but what to replace it with is beyond me..in my head though ive got an image of muself in a few weeks as somelne sober and normal and who can happily eat three normal meals a day and just generally cope with life. Doubt very much that will happen so will just continue to be a freak but hopefully a sober one.

Fuck, drunk but not drunk enough.

Elba , Lala how are you this morning? Lala how is stuff with Mr L? Poor you, everything happening at once, is it possible at all to try to break down the various stressors and - hopefully - find that Mr L is not necessarily the root of it all? Hurrah for pup anyway.

For those of you contemplating sober October - I totally get that the idea of it is great and exciting and liberating when you're two weeks off it, but the nearer it gets the more impossible it feels. I posted this time last week about how astonished I was to have done a week AF. A week later it's two weeks - and I'm still astonished. I'm amazed by every AF day and hour, frankly. But one day at a time is working right now.

I'm not convinced that sober October works for people like me who aren't just 'social' drinkers (damn them!). It feels too big and scary, even though it is meant to be comforting and manageable. There's lots of things I find counter intuitive about t. So I think for anyone giving it a go, don't beat yourself up if you find it too hard, don't use language like 'failed' or 'given up'. Don't then (as I would and will) think 'I'm hopeless I may as well just drink even more than I did before). Any reduction in alcohol consumption has got to be a good thing, however little. Baby steps for us all. Much less scary that way, and much more likely to succeed.

The only problem with my two weeks AF is I had totally forgotten the surge in energy levels. My family is baffled and exhausted by the amount of Improving Activity to which they're being subjected!

Morning fox I am weirldy wide awake and not hungover (yet- I'm sure it will come), which is odd as I was still up at 4am last I remember

I get what you mean about sober October- it felt like a great idea two weeks ago, not so much now! But it's also kind of a desperation thing- I don't know what else to try. My brain seems to interpret one day at a time as 'have a drink, you can just start again tomorrow' The only vague success (10 days AF) was the result of going on a binge that had me in bed for the next two days and off work, but I still started again. I will try anyway, can't do more than that! Well done on your two weeks af, and glad that you are feelinf the benefits!

lala how are you doing?

Morning all. Beautiful autumn day here in Scotland. Have taken Dd1 to the stables - surly cow - done 2 lots of washing all now out in the sun, taken mother shopping and am now off for a haircut and a defoliate of the facial fur. It's all go here...

AF tonight, but can't sleep despite having had about four hours last night...odd in itself due to the amount I drank, which would usually see me comatose for much of the day Been in a weird anxious but kind of 'wired' state all day, resorted to diazepam about an hour ago which has so far done bugger all. Just can't switch off.

Hope everyone's ok and having a good weekend. hope how are you lovely?

Hope you got some sleep in the end Elba. Well done on Day 1, that's in the bag now and shows that you can do it. Try not to look too far ahead. I know it's hard but that's how One Day at a Time works. In fact, maybe just do one minute at a time because they will add up in exactly the same way as a whole day x

Ma did you lose weight after the deforestation?

Mouse how's it going my friend? Are you white knuckling it through? See the film through to the end. You can do this x

Hi to everyone. Sun is out here and am just about to put the washing on the line then off to lunch with lovely inlaws so a relaxing day here. I am enjoying my weekends because they are not spent either drunk or hungover and I have the time and energy to crack on with the things that make me happy. It's so worth it babes, keep trying.

Baby will you be able to check in at some point?

Joey (((hugs))) and and and

Hope you feel better soon. Try to do whatever makes you happy. Except drinking of course Put yourself first, you are worth it.

Sorry for not name checking everyone but sending positive vibes out across the airways in the hope that all who post or lurk here remember that there is someone out there thinking about them and wishing them well x

Hey faire , once those eyebrows were tamed I was a new woman. Waxer was exhausted!!!
Stayed over with a friend last night so inevitable hangover this morning. Going to take her dogs out for a walk and then head back home. Must visit dad today!

I have had enough. I really need help. Just threw up after having to have a drink to cope with the withdrawal symptoms. I am a hopeless case. So sorry, babes.

Oh and if that is not enough, my fecking period is late. And changing the bin made me physically heave. Probably not pregnant, and hope I am not. Can't imagine having a child in the horrendous position I am. Taking dog for a walk now to try and calm my brain.

lala how you doing now lovely? Don't forget the stress of moving may of made you late, but is it worth doing a test anyway for peace of mind if nothing else?

faire thank you x Hope you enjoyed your day, and the sunshine.

Slept eventually about 1am, up at 6...don't know what that's all about. Still vaguely hungover but loads better. Been out with a friend in the sun all day-took a ferry over to a headland, walked 11k according to my Fitbit. Actually warm enough to paddle in the sea, and I'm a bit burnt- bizzare for October! But hopefully I will sleep... Bit of a contrast to yesterday when I was too anxious to even go to the local shop- guess that's what three bottles of wine does for you.

Off out to dinner (driving, so safe) then that's hopefully day 2 done. Day off tomorrow but then back to work, and reality after two weeks off

To make you all jealous

Great pics Elba am AF tonight as I just couldn't face any wine, even though there is some in.

Hi all, still here, still struggling. Managed a few AF days then had a night out (girls night, fun - drank a lot of beer but not in a needy way and I was actually drinking slower than the others, which just goes to show how much my usual drinking trigger is relationship stress). Another AF day yesterday and had lovely time with DD and lovely niece and her kids , but drinking tonight as WB back to old tricks, had ridiculous tantrum because we weren't showing appropriate levels of enthusiasm before going to see MIL and so he stormed off alone - actually too ridiculous a state of affairs to recount in detail, even the kids were like WTF????

Sorry some of you are struggling. Mouse I wish I could wrap you up in a blanket and bring you hot chocolate every hour until you feel better. How is the morphine withdrawal? Am thinking of you and sending good vibes. Gorgeous photos of Nemo, what a handsome big boy he is now xxx

Elba great photos. Bet the walk did you loads of good. Do you have anything nice planned for tonight? I am going to get in bed with a book soon and have an early night. Busy week next week and should not drink tonight - I keep blaming WB but me being self destructive isn't going to help me get the better of the bastard in the long run. Am just so tired of all the stress in my life.

Lala - have you been using precautions??? If so you should be OK, maybe it is just stress making you late? Do a test now so you know what you are dealing with. Fingers crossed xxx

Small, Faire, Joey, Venus, Obrigada how lovely to see you all again on the thread and thanks for all your lovely encouraging words. Sorry I don't always post back right away - my life is very up and down at the moment and am pulled in all directions, but always seeing your names pop up and hearing your news and reading your lovely wise words is a great boost for me. It is lovely to know you are all there on the bus, eating opal fruits

Work wise I have just got a new contract which will last me a few months - well paid but very high profile and stressful. Could do with a bit of cheering on at home but of course not going to get that so wave a few pompoms on the bus for me as have impostor syndrome and getting nervous about performing. Start next week (week of 10th) but loads of prep to do this week plus other client work and usual toxic atmosphere at home so usual stress. Been to doctors, got beta blockers and ADs for anxiety Feel I am just putting a sticking plaster on all my problems and may crash soon - drink not helping but trying to stay sober with WB and his tantrums constantly in the background is an uphill battle.

Hope you are all having a peaceful Sunday evening xxx

Fuck, out with work friends...everyone's drinking and I'm feeling like an overtired toddler again. Not even that I'm tempted to drink, just knowing that I can't that I hate. Want to go home and cry Bad idea to come out. Absolutely hate this

Let me be a lesson to you all. Currently in a&e awaiting stitches and a brain scan due to falling head first into the corner of my kitchen cabinet

Oh, Lala hope you are OK. Is Mr L with you? Let us know how you get on xxxx

Elba bet you are home now and won't have a hangover in the morning, unlike your work mates. One up to you, yes?

Had a couple of mini bottles of wine and going to go to sleep now - busy work day tomorrow. WB not speaking to me - he creates these crises and dramas himself. He's a fucking dick. But it is SO wearying to live with.

Hope all the other babes are safe in bed tonight, and Mouse special hugs to you and I hope your pain and withdrawal is beginning to subside xxx

Wry, Baby - where are you both?

Yep, except for the hole in my face. Awaiting the results of my brain scan. Not anticipating much. Apparently stitches hurt: and the alcohol has worn off now after a four hour wait... If I tried, I could probably poke my finger through my nostril and it would come out of my cheek. That is how hard I bashed the corner

Morning Lala= how's you poor face??? Sending hugs and

Oh lala you poor thing. How are you doing today? Hope Mr l is looking after you and you are getting some rest now xxxx

hope so glad you got the contract- we will of course all be cheering you on. Totally get the imposter syndrome thing too, but just remember you wouldn't of got the job (or previous ones) if you were not competent (I have to remind myself that in reality I wouldn't have got away with doing my job for so long if I didn't to some extent know what I was doing, but a bit of me is still waiting to be 'found out'). I hope the meds at least help take the edge off things for you. And yes, I'm glad not to be hungover this morning (though to be fair I think everyone I was with probably stopped after two glasses- wish I could do that) xxxx

Day 3, and still no fecking sleep, but to be fair that was shit the last few weeks when drinking too. Happy not to be hungover but very, very irritable...even managing to annoy myself, so who knows how it will go at work. It's sunny again here so going to try and make the most of my last day off.

Hey all, thanks for asking, luckily they decided it didn't need stitches, just steri strips. Hurts like buggery though and I look like I have done ten rounds with Mike Tyson. Got back from a&e after a long seven hours at about 5.30am. Needless to say neither of us went to work today.

Feeling so stupid and useless about the whole thing. This would never have happened if I had been sober. What is it going to take me to realise that this has go to stop...

Sorry for depressing post. Will catch up properly later. Hope you are all doing better than me.

Glad you are OK Lala (well as OK as can be). Things shit here. WB is not only totally giving me the silent treatment but is ignoring both of the children too. He is saying I have turned them against his family. I never criticise his mum or aunt to them, ever. This is an entirely made up row about nothing, we were ready to go out yesterday and he went off on one. He's sped off in the car again now to see aunt on his own I think after refusing to speak to either of the DCs when they got in from school. I am used to being treated like this but I am worried he is turning on them now. What is even more worrying is they are just taking it in their stride. Is this really what they think is acceptable? Devastating really, but I have work to do and my head hurts .. Worried he will refuse to get them up and take them to school tomorrow and I'm out of the house from 7am to 7pm. Poor them. Feel awful He is getting worse and worse. I used to be able to predict what would set him off but now fuck knows.