Brave Babes Battle Bus - Holding our heads up like thistles

[MaryMungoAndMidgies]

I bit the bullet - Come on in, excuse the faint whiff of dog!

The last thread

hope it is time to speak to the dcs about leaving.it really is.

Hey, tis me, Mouse

hope - darling, lovely lady...... you really do need to get out. You know what I've been through......... please sweetie. All the help you need is right here. ANYTHING!! xxxx

Delurking to give hugs to both lala and hope. I was on a couple of threads a few years ago but it's time for me to properly deal with my drinking now. I managed a whole month AF but then drank 4 nights in a row, made a tit out of myself in front of colleagues and I'm now dealing with The Fear tonight which means I'm scared to go to sleep as I'll have horrible alcohol withdrawal nightmares.

I think I need to be completely sober as my off switch has totally broken and I'm trying to get my head around what my life would look like. No more random injuries and less anxiety but also less fun? But then I'm not really having fun if I can't remember evenings out. Rambling a bit here, sorry.

I've downloaded another hypnotherapy app to see if that will help - tried 2 so far. Any recommendations?

So, an update from me, and I'm so sorry for ignoring so many of the Babes who are suffering so much right now. I'm sending you all the strength, love, and support I can spare......

I've been to see a truly lovely GP today and she's given me the buffers I need to get through the next week. So many of you are dealing with domestic problems, but you need support. Women's Aid is a great place to start for basic advice.

It's so sad to read these posts........

Anyway, I'm taking my life a day at a time but insomnia is killing me, I hate, not feeling able to get back to sleep past 4/5 am :(

Anyway..... I'll be back tomorrow when hopefully, I'll feel better.... Stronger. I miss you babes xxxx

Very quick check in to say hi to Pervy ( great name) and to our brave mouse.
I heard from indie last night, things not great there either.
Can someone drive this bus to a happy place please?

lala glad you are ok (ish), was worried about you. Hope you are feeling ok today and taking it easy.

hope so sorry you are going through this. It's easy for us to write advice but the reality is much harder; there's loads of people behind you though, whatever you decide to do.

pervy welcome. I'm in a similar position, realising that I simply have no off switch; once I start that's it, I can't stop.

Had a full blown panic attack in the car this morning, had to pull over and convinced myself that I was going to have a seizure (never had one in my life- totally irrational). Still anxious and shaky but gone back to bed (13 hour shift to look forward to tonight). Hopefully some sleep will sort it out. But haven't had a drink, so day 4 is essentially done.

In London for the presentation tomorrow. There is one company I am sure will be competition.i don't like them for lots of reasons now I find out that one of the judging panel is, with her day job, a strategic partner with said competition. That must be a conflict of interests, surely?

Waves hi and thanks for the welcome. Still have quite bad anxiety today but with moments of genuine laughter so am at the "why do I put myself through this regularly" stage of the cycle. Planning on being AF for at least the next 10 days but then we have a babysitter for the weekend and if I'm not careful it will all go to pot again.

dementedma, yes I'd say that was a conflict of interest, is there anyone you can flag it to?

Oh, and good luck with the presentation

Good luck ma !

Everything okay with isinde? I hope the twins are okay and everyone is alright in Twinland

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Ma - sweetie, I can't drive going through this detox program but as Gerald is fictional, I'll take the wheel......

Snuggle down babes and I'll look after you, there is everything you need to get you through the night.... xxx

I've been to see a new Pain Management Team today...... they were amazing. So super supportive!

I feel so lucky to have this Bus, the babes, I'm not able support those of you in need right now, as this weaning program is killing me, even with the buffer of valium and liquid morphine, but I've got my baby bro's wedding on Friday......

I've got to be sorted for him, he lives in Oz and I really, really miss him and hid gal, you know?

Anyway, I'm kinda back but still in need off support......

I'm so tired. Insomnia is a bitch.

Back soon xxx

Mouse sending you and and hugs xxx Can't imagine what you are going through, only had the post-wine fears myself and that is bad enough! At least kids are in school and you can rest in the day. Do you have things to distract you? Good things to watch on the laptop etc? Or books (if you feel up to reading, maybe you don't?) Hope you get to catch up on sleep in the day too. Sending you strength and opal fruits.

Ma it does indeed sound like a conflict of interest but for now just concentrate on your presentation and being the best you can be? Is it a straight competition between you all or could they give two or more people a grant if worthy? Or split the money? I'm sure you will be great anyway, you are a superstar. Please also send my love to Indie when you speak to her again. Hope the twins are OK x

Elba well done on day 4 AF - that is MASSIVE!!! Smock of Smug on the way to you, you can don it after work and swan around the bus in it

Pervy thanks for dropping in to say hello. We all know what you mean about no 'off' switch, whatever our reasons for drinking I am already worried about the Christmas party season - though being self employed I won't have to go to many 'do's' and the ones I will get invited to will probably involve me driving which is just as well

Got big teleconference later for new job so off to do some serious swotting up now so I don't sound like an idiot. Luckily WB is taking DCs to school and college (over 60 hours of sulking for last imagined transgression of me and the kids is now over - twat)

Laters babes

Damn. Lost a whole post. Internet in this flat is shit.

Argh lots to catch up on. hope you never ever sound like an idiot, happy swotting. WB sulked for 60 hours? He sounds, from everything you have said, like a complete loose cannon, and a completely horrid one at that. Fingers crossed you get this new job and you can make good your escape. Fingers crossed for you!

elba so pleased you did 4 AF in a row! I completely understand about the panic attacks, convinced some sort of horrible withdrawal DT's will be imminent, but as far as I understand it, once you are past the initial 72 hours AF, then you should be ok, apart from really utterly rotten (please correct me if I am wrong babes). Hugs for you.

ma the very best of luck with the presentation, and as hope says, please do question the conflict of interest if need be. Fingers crossed for you as well.

Hi pervy, nice to see you here, I don't think many of us here can boast of having an 'off' switch... If only our 'on' switches could be applied to something like Pringles, or yoga, or other such healthy things instead. Anyway, stay on board, these babes are amazing.

mouse, you are so so brave. And so so strong! And I am so glad your new pain management team are supportive . And how exciting for your bro's wedding I am guessing it is in the uk and you are not jetting off to the land down under? If so, can we all come for some sunshine?

Still here, still look like Halloween has come early to the Lala abode. My manager insisted I was signed off for the week, so I am bored and need to do all my catch up work. Fun filled visit to the docs today, when questioned as to how I managed to acquire a split nose, back eye and concussion, I blamed the slipperiness of the floor. He was like but the good news is that I have done two AF days. Holding out for a third this eve. Best in a very long time.

Anyway, must run, the yappy one requires walking. Love to all, and hope I haven't missed anyone, if I have then I apologise, it's quite hard to keep up when your head is still pounding from the massive rollicking it took from making contact with a solid brick wall at speed at the weekend.

Love Lala.

Babes, I am in a very bad drinking place. I'm putting on a face, getting to work, but it can't last. I should have been working at home today, but I've mostly been drinking and avoiding prep. I know I need to stop, I make a plan every day, and find a reason not to do it, every day.

Two weeks ago, a relative died from complications related to alcoholism. Even that hasn't helped me to stop. I know it is hurting me, but I just can't stop.

lala 2 days AF is excellent! Well done.
Ah sweet good to see you again, but sorry you are in a bad place.i understand about the daily plan....
I wish I had the answers but I don't, other than keep trying!

Yes Lala two days is top, well done - and thanks for your kind words! Teleconference went off OK today without me sounding like a moron. Training course tomorrow with same people. Eeek am going to have to put on make up plus brave professional face! I would like to buy new clothes but am too fat to enjoy shopping at the moment

Sweet I am overjoyed to see you again dear girl, though sad to hear you are in a bad drinking place. I also did that the other day during marathon WB sulk Working from home with 4 G&Ts inside one really just equates to having a nap sitting up in front of the laptop doesn't it? I'm sorry about your relative. How about you do an AF day tomorrow and we will cheer you on and bring you treats (if Ma doesn't snaffle all the Opal Fruits and chocs)

Ma - how did the presentation go? I have been thinking about you all day. Let us know xxx

Got to do a bit more work now before cooking tea and getting ready for school presentation evening for my genius DCs. The school make it as dull as possible, but I have to go and get my proud mama moment. One bad thing about WB coming out of his megasulk is that he will come too. Ah well, I can find some mums to talk to hopefully

Have a nice evening all xxx

Hello everyone

I'm so glad to have found this thread! Someone actually referred me hear after reading my post on another one... here it is!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2748793-Drunkenly-ranted-at-DP-and-now-dont-know-how-to-fix-it?pg=1

I don't go into too much detail about the actual alcohol problem, but I know I've got one. I don't get totally wrecked every night, but I do drink every night and when out with DP at weekends, don't know when to stop (or want to).. Then I have a rant, say things I don't mean and i'm so worried (and convinced) it's going to ruin my relationship

In your opinions, do you think I should stop drinking completely? Or control it / cut down?

It's not even 5pm and I can already feel my usual after work drink craving coming

hope it was ok. No huge fuck ups but we overran on time which wasn't good. We could have done with time to practice together beforehand and get it a bit slicker but too late now! They asked us a lot of questions at the end, which is maybe good? I dunno. Just glad it's over ..just have to wait and see now.
Welcome class. About time we had some class on this bus!

ma I am so pleased for you!

hope hand clap for you too.

class welcome to the thread, we have all been there, and understand what you are going through....

If I disappear it's because mr Lala has run out of shower. And we are feeding my bro and his girlfriend. We have one bottle of wine so far... Hoping they bring more. Actually I don't. I am enjoying my sobriety, for all of two days.

Ps anyone else hiding this from their dp/DH/ etc. I often share our posts with Lala pup, but no-one else

ma pleased it went ok, hope you can relax a bit tonight now.

lala very, very proud of you for your 2 days af. Hope your starting to feel a bit less bruised! Enjoy tonight, just be careful drinking with concussion (says the hypocrite that has drunk her way through every imaginable illness/injury)

hope enjoy your proud mum moment...your kids sound fab!

sweet welcome back! Lovely to see you, but sorry things feel out of control. If you want company for an af day tomorrow, I will join you.

class welcome. No one can tell you what you should do, but there is lots of support here; I think sometimes it's about experimenting to see what does (and doesn't) work for you. Keep posting!

I'm still plodding on- day 5 now, feels like a bit of a double challenge as had to contend with post night shift cravings this morning as well as tonight. Massive mood swings and anxiety too at the moment. Hoping sheer stubbornness will take me through an AF October, helped (unintentionally) by friends who are still gently teasing me and stating disbelief that I will do it. Have to admit that it's crossed my mind that I can still drink and they'd never know though....

Keep thinking of my last 'drinking night' to try and remind myself why I'm trying to do this. I remember drinking and drinking almost compulsively and getting frustrated that I couldn't get drunk enough, then remember nothing about the rest of the night. I got through three bottles of wine, plus a couple of beers...sat on my own on a Friday night. That's more an act of self harm and self destruction than an enjoyable night in, right?! I'm scared of what I might do now on a binge, and scared of how intense my feelings of self hatred have got when drinking. So that's why I'm trying. However miserable I feel not drinking, I know in reality it's magnified tenfold when I am, and at least this way there is a chance of things changing.

Anyway sorry for rambling. Hope everyone's ok and having a good evening xxx

Hi Elba and everyone else

You all sound so lovely!! I've not been able to talk about this until now from fear of being judged etc - I'm so glad I"m not alone

I'm going to really try hard to do my first ever AF tomorrow

I've had a shower, a litre of lime and soda and Bake Off, so now I'm taking an early night. I will try again tomorrow.

Sleep well babes.

Helo Class and well done Ma. Sounds like you did a fab job - did the conflict of interest thing come up in the end? That sounded really dodgy.

Sweet, much love to you. It is great that you're here. I'm so sorry things are so tough. Curl up with some rugs and let us tend you with hot chocolate, opal fruits and sea glass (not to eat, obv, but it soothes the soul). How's the garden, bet it is looking fab?

Wry, Baby - are you both ok? Elba - is the panic subsiding a bit? Hope so. And Mouse - all love to you, you are going through so much, I am in awe and I think you are amazing. I hope you manage to enjoy the wedding and have fun with your little bro.

Lala - yes, i definitely hide this thread, and all my worries about alcohol from lovely Mr Fox. He is fab and I think he would probably understand. But I have always had a bad habit of believing no-one else can really help (with anything, let alone this) so I don't share stuff with him as much as I should. And with this one, I don't want to make it 'real' by talking about it. I know that's silly, but when the alcohol fear and worries are just in my head and on the bus, it feels manageable and containable. Talking to DH means I lose control over it. Silly, I know. How are you feeling, anyway? I hope things are evening out a bit - you've had so much change of late and I hope things can calm down - and that your face is ok.

I'm back on an even keel, touch wood. I'm pleased, having had a few drinks (without intending to - of course) at the weekend. The trigger was so trivial and so overwhelming. I felt powerless, even dragged the kids out ostensibly for a treat for tea, but really just so I could drink wine as I'd purged the house of it. As soon as I'd had one glass the off switch snapped off completely and fell somewhere down a metaphorical toilet. I really, really cannot ever just have 'one' drink. I ended up back home chugging back the cooking sherry and cider. Mortifying lack of control.

Anyway, the good - and to me surprising - thing is that I am back on one day at a time and have been AF since Sunday. That's progress as usually once I relapse I just give up and tell myself there's no point trying as I am clearly a lost cause. So perhaps there is hope.

I can't bear everything that's going on in this country at the moment, let alone the rest of the world. Feels so scary right now, more than any time in my life. Am determined not to drown it in drink, but equally just can't sit here watching the news with Mr F as it makes me want to cry and/or smash things. So I think I will go to bed with the most escapist book I can find. Night all, and love to you all - sorry if I haven't NC'd anyone, haven't had a chance fully to read back.