Still having problems, but listen up you absolute fucker of an error script, I need this to post!!!!!
hope I can't bear to hear you so sad, I am so upset that you didn't get your new job/lifeline. It sounds like you sair needed it, are they fucking blind? As an aside, I want to smack your selfish asshat of a wankbadgery twunt of an excuse for a man. How dare he turn this on you?
I agree with everyone else, I suspect your children already see him for the cock he is, please sit them down and let them know how down you feel with the lack of support from him. He would have the most godawful brass neck to expect anything from you if you were to split up, but I suspect he will anyway for that is what graspy fuckers do. You have been his crutch for so long, he feels entitled to your care.
But you, my darling, are entitled to be happy. Just that. No tiptoeing round, no being chipped away at, emotionally or financially, no living a life without love and respect from the one person who needs to, and should, have your back. I am incandescent with rage that he is being such a cock about this. A decent man would buoy you up, restore your confidence and do anything to bring something positive, financial or otherwise, to the family dynamic. If it means a smaller home, then do that. Please free yourself, it will be expensive initially but the cost to your self esteem and lack of love is far higher. He does not deserve you.
You are a warm, witty, kind, intelligent, sensitive, supportive woman, I am proud to know you even a little bit via this wonderful bus. You are an Amazon, you are 10 feet tall, you think you are 5 feet tall? Well, like an iceberg, you are just up to your waist in muck and mire. We'll get the shovels and dig you out dear hope, we will make you 10 feet tall again. Now I know you will remember this as you are ages with me, but do you remember Bagpuss and The Marvellous Mechanical Mouse Organ? We will fix it. We will make you like new, new, new. And I say that with love, I don't mean it to be flippant at all (((((((((((bosies)))))))))))))).
Don't you be beating yourself up with guilt about your children, they will see you as someone who is making sacrifices daily to give them a happy home life. And they will look for a life partner with your qualities, not his. I suspect they respect what you do for your family every single day. Even if they don't show it, or say it, they will know it in their hearts.
Your friend sounds like a sort, a good sort who will support and help you. Oh hope, there is light, there really is, please just hang on, you will get another position, and with when you get that boost (and you will) you need to rustle up the strength to break free from the leechy bastard. He is doing his best to suck you dry, don't let that happen, please don't. I can almost touch your despair through the screen, and I feel that you are so tired in every single way.
Look closely at your friend's happy marriage, this is what you deserve, not the cracked, fragile shell that you have now. He doesn't want you going there because he is scared you see that. And want more.
I am praying this sends, and finds you, and I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier, but my friend was trying to sort my laptop (failed, sadly). You can have my little Terrorist when she's healed, there will be a whole busload of boufs waiting to give you a hairy hug, for you are Auntie Hope.
I am going to post this, I daren't preview in case it disappears, but know it is sent with much love, forgive me if I've said anything out of turn, xx