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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Brave Babes Battle Bus - Holding our heads up like thistles

999 replies

MaryMungoAndMidgies · 23/07/2016 16:09

I bit the bullet - Come on in, excuse the faint whiff of dog!

The last thread

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49
laladidah · 18/09/2016 12:07

Welcome stars. Congratulations on making it for two weeks dry, some of us me can't even manage beyond one day. But there is so much support on this thread from the lovely wise babes. All of us are here because we are sick and tired of the whole cycle, and trying to break it, I know I am.

hope I hope you are having a lovely day, and make sure you check in when you get home.

ma the sea glass is beautiful.

Got to dash now and walk pup and ride the maniac but will check in properly later.

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday.

starsandmoons · 18/09/2016 18:07

Thanks lala. It's exhausting isn't it. I just want the day to be over now and have a pain where I assume my liver is so I'm freaking out about that now aswell. Having bloods done next week in relation to another issue and I'm so nervous about them now

Elba84 · 18/09/2016 20:18

stars welcome, lots of us here in the same position. I seem to be becoming increasing 'all or nothing' too with my drinking, although it used to be more 'all'. Can relate to the fear of blood tests too, to the point of avoiding where at all possible.

lala how's your day gone lovely? Hope you had a good time with the animals.

hope hope you've had a good day.

Had a brilliant night out with friends last night, all of us drank far far too much but to the point of all being happy and giggly drunk not hammered. Then I ruined it by going home and drinking on my own until 3am Hmm So any hope that maybe I can drink socially from time to time is diminishing. First Af night tonight in over a week, mainly due to not really feeling well enough to actually go and buy anything. Need to get a grip and a bit of control back. I'm off work for two weeks now and it would be so good to actually go back refreshed rather than tired from drinking...

lookingforhope · 19/09/2016 00:14

Welcome Stars nice to meet you. I am the thread's resident basket case this weekend so just ignore me..

Elba, Lala, Ma, Faire, Joey thanks for the good wishes. I went to see my friend today (over an hour's drive away so WB said I was being ridiculous going to burden them with myself) and took DD. I had such a lovely time, though cried when they hugged me. We had a lovely roast dinner, everyone round the table (she has 3 DC) and then went for a walk and then sat and talked - her husband offered me constructive job seeking advice, encouragement and contacts which WB would never do, and she listened to me. We had a laugh too, it wasn't all dark. And I didn't want to come home. I could walk away from my house and life without a backward glance if it weren't for DCs. My house is the loneliest place on earth. We never eat together as a family (I sometimes eat with DCs). We sit in separate rooms mostly. My friend and her DH and DCs are such a lovely family. It is lovely being there in the warm family atmosphere, but lonely at the same time as I was never able to give my DCs that because of WB being an antisocial twunt. I wanted a house full of friends, family meals, going for walks together. Instead I've spent years trolling round with my kids and friends like a single mum and now DCs are growing up and .. what? Anyway, got home, half heartedly filled in a job application I'd forgotten about (feeling a bit 'what's the fucking point' ATM) and now in bed with a sneaky glass (tumbler) of wine. Going to watch something on laptop and go to sleep and tomorrow is another day - school run, job hunt, bit of freelance work with grumpy WB lurking around as ever and ringing that company to ask why they rejected me and ruined my life for constructive feedback on my interview. Deep joy.

Wishing all you lovely babes a better week. I make no promises on the drinking front but good luck to all of you (and Elba hope the hangover is gone in the morning Flowers )

starsandmoons · 19/09/2016 07:22

Morning everyone. Hope it sounds like you are having such a tough time but you are battling through even if it doesn't feel like it right now. I am still in the horrors after a terrible nights sleep and the feelings of anxiety and general rubbishness this morning. I have committed to another 14 days dry and have told my dh and asked him to back me up and just say no if I suggest a drink during that time. He has the wonderful ability to have 2 or 3 drinks and stop and actually I feel so bad because I constantly drag him down with me wanting another drink.

Elba84 · 19/09/2016 14:13

Hope can you fit something nice into your day too? Take yourself out for tea and cake or a walk, just get out the house for a bit? Hangover fading now thank you ️xxx

stars well done on comitting on another 14 days dry, and on telling your husband about it.

Having a cleaning day today, just sorted recycling which always makes me a bit Blush My bedroom really smells of stale alcohol...paranoid maybe I do too a lot of the time and just don't realise SadBlush

Got talked into trying a reiki treatment this evening...I'm really not into alternative stuff but trying to be open minded. Then therapy tomorrow and lunch/shopping with a friend. Then have booked a spa day on Wednesday please tell me I won't look a loner doing this on my own All feels a bit self indulgent, but really I'm mainly doing it to try and fill my time enough to avoid turning my annual leave into a massive two week long binge (as has happened before)...

laladidah · 19/09/2016 18:24

hope are you ok? Hope you managed to have a productive day, and whatever feedback they give you (although it's hard to hear that you 'aren't good enough' you are) helps you focus on the next goal!

stars good luck. Sounds like your DH is a good man, and yes it is so so so unfair to see or be close to people who are able just to have one or two, and then can go to bed satisfied. Reminds me of the episode of peep show, where mark is accused of being an alcoholic and Johnson gives him a pep talk using the immortal words 'poor me, poor me, pour me another drink'. Can't ever watch that without feeling uncomfortable.l, as it is so close to home.

elba I am jealous of your reiki and your spa day. You have become all zen like! And no one will think you are a loser, just pretend you are a celebrity, exhausted by the demands of being in the public eye, and that you want some peace and quiet for yourself by going incognito at the spa before returning to the world of glitz and glamour (if only).

Must take neglected pup for a walk in the rain. Done zero packing, panicking so having a glass of wine. I am an idiot.

Hope the rest of the babes are well.

dementedma · 19/09/2016 19:28

Checking in. Good to see mouse on here earlier. Anyone seen indie. Nothing much to report.
Hope you are doing well to keep going.

MaryMungoAndMidgies · 19/09/2016 21:50

Still having problems, but listen up you absolute fucker of an error script, I need this to post!!!!!

hope I can't bear to hear you so sad, I am so upset that you didn't get your new job/lifeline. It sounds like you sair needed it, are they fucking blind? As an aside, I want to smack your selfish asshat of a wankbadgery twunt of an excuse for a man. How dare he turn this on you?

I agree with everyone else, I suspect your children already see him for the cock he is, please sit them down and let them know how down you feel with the lack of support from him. He would have the most godawful brass neck to expect anything from you if you were to split up, but I suspect he will anyway for that is what graspy fuckers do. You have been his crutch for so long, he feels entitled to your care.

But you, my darling, are entitled to be happy. Just that. No tiptoeing round, no being chipped away at, emotionally or financially, no living a life without love and respect from the one person who needs to, and should, have your back. I am incandescent with rage that he is being such a cock about this. A decent man would buoy you up, restore your confidence and do anything to bring something positive, financial or otherwise, to the family dynamic. If it means a smaller home, then do that. Please free yourself, it will be expensive initially but the cost to your self esteem and lack of love is far higher. He does not deserve you.

You are a warm, witty, kind, intelligent, sensitive, supportive woman, I am proud to know you even a little bit via this wonderful bus. You are an Amazon, you are 10 feet tall, you think you are 5 feet tall? Well, like an iceberg, you are just up to your waist in muck and mire. We'll get the shovels and dig you out dear hope, we will make you 10 feet tall again. Now I know you will remember this as you are ages with me, but do you remember Bagpuss and The Marvellous Mechanical Mouse Organ? We will fix it. We will make you like new, new, new. And I say that with love, I don't mean it to be flippant at all (((((((((((bosies)))))))))))))).

Don't you be beating yourself up with guilt about your children, they will see you as someone who is making sacrifices daily to give them a happy home life. And they will look for a life partner with your qualities, not his. I suspect they respect what you do for your family every single day. Even if they don't show it, or say it, they will know it in their hearts.

Your friend sounds like a sort, a good sort who will support and help you. Oh hope, there is light, there really is, please just hang on, you will get another position, and with when you get that boost (and you will) you need to rustle up the strength to break free from the leechy bastard. He is doing his best to suck you dry, don't let that happen, please don't. I can almost touch your despair through the screen, and I feel that you are so tired in every single way.

Look closely at your friend's happy marriage, this is what you deserve, not the cracked, fragile shell that you have now. He doesn't want you going there because he is scared you see that. And want more.

I am praying this sends, and finds you, and I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier, but my friend was trying to sort my laptop (failed, sadly). You can have my little Terrorist when she's healed, there will be a whole busload of boufs waiting to give you a hairy hug, for you are Auntie Hope.

I am going to post this, I daren't preview in case it disappears, but know it is sent with much love, forgive me if I've said anything out of turn, xx

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MaryMungoAndMidgies · 19/09/2016 21:57

Right, I need a cup of tea, I am gobsmacked that typed and sent, perhaps my friend has done enough to let me sit awhile on the bus after all!

I'll be back. xx

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dementedma · 19/09/2016 22:03

Wonderful post wry. You are so kind and supportive to everyone. I remember Bagpuss and Professor Yaffle and the wonderful Mouse Organ. And the Clangers. I can even go further back for I am very old indeed and remember the Woodentops, The Herbs and Pogle's Wood ....

MaryMungoAndMidgies · 19/09/2016 22:11

ma.

ma

ma

ma

I see blue (and is that a bit of pink?) sea glass... Where did you find the precious? Where is the wondrous new beach/source/sands of plenty? Grin

Those bits are purty....

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dementedma · 19/09/2016 22:26

Backs away from wry. Yes, yes,pink and blue and turquoise...but it's MY precious. Mine I tell you! I have a new source and I'm not telling.

dementedma · 19/09/2016 22:27

My pretties.....

Brave Babes Battle Bus - Holding our heads up like thistles
MaryMungoAndMidgies · 19/09/2016 22:49

lala and elba just typed and lost a great long post, shiting laptop lulled me into a false sense of security. Got the tartan screen. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaws.

Will try it again. Give me a half hour or so Smile

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MaryMungoAndMidgies · 19/09/2016 22:53

ma I will find the pretties. I can smellllll them.....

How's your presentation coming along quine? Is it taking shape? xx

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MaryMungoAndMidgies · 19/09/2016 23:16

lala, Aww I am sorry that your bobbo is to be retired. Poor lass. I am soothed that she will be spending her retirement kicking up her heels with her friends. It reminds me of the last scene of Black Beauty, where he is resting in the meadow with memories of friends past and present.

The storms your way sounded horrific, we were lucky up here, not a whisper of them. I get why you went out in it. Sometimes we feel like we don't deserve the sunshine, the fairytale ending, the joy. So we dare life to chuck it's worst at us. We are testing our mortality, our sense of self, our bravery, our cowardice. You didn't take pup out there to scare her, you were with a friend, your guide rope back to the light. You are away to embark on your new life with her and mister l, you deserve the joy, grasp it with both hands and don't let go. Happiness is at the end of her lead. Where she is, your home is. Mister l is a bonus, and a good 'un by the sounds of it.

Did you enjoy your ride on the tiny wee hoofed one? I imagine you like Fred Flintstone, galloping along, with your feet going like the clappers on the ground with the hooves. Smile I used to love the Thelwell cartoons, I can just see the naughty eye glint, peeping out under a twig strewn mane, devising cunning methods to unseat you at every opportunity.

I love how pups attach themselves to a new toy, it becomes their be all and end all, like a cool new kid at primary school. Glad Charlie the monkey is settling in, hopefully no humping taking place when your back is turned Grin, it just looks wrong when a bitch humps... Blush

The keys are sticking again and I can't backspace, so I may just post this before it legs it. Like your wee pony... Grin hope you are having a fine night me dear, (((((((((((bosies)))))))))))), nighty night, xx

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MaryMungoAndMidgies · 19/09/2016 23:33

elba, just lost your post my darling. Big baaaaaawwwwws.

Did you have a good clearing oot day? Remember, things may look even more chaotic initially, but before you know it it will be like a clearing in a forest, cool, calm and peaceful. it will be worth the upheaval.

Jealous at the spay day. Don't you feel bad about going on your own, t'is empowering. You are doing something lovely for you. Clear your mind, focus on the scents of the treatments, the knowledge that you will have a lovely glow at the end of the day. And reiki!? What a treat. How did you get on? Hopefully it's made you feel chilled oot and rested, and you are off to the land of nod.

Nighty night quine, will post before I lose this too, ((((((((((((((big bosies))))))))))))) xx

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MaryMungoAndMidgies · 19/09/2016 23:42

Spay day?

Spay day?!?

Holy shit elba, mucho apologies, that wouldn't be much of a relaxing day oot..... Blush

Spa day. That's what I meant. Spa.

Face masks. Massages. Manicures. Sauna/steam room.

Not neutering. Blush xxx

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lookingforhope · 20/09/2016 07:29

Morning babes. Checking in. Wry thanks for your lovely post. I don't know what to say. Made me quite tearful (though that is my new normal it seems).

To be honest I have been propping myself up with drink since Friday. Can't believe it's only 3 days since bring rejected for that job. I can't drink today as am going to be driving and looking after small niece and nephew, then out with DS tonight, but will be white knuckling it all day until I can go to bed. I'm so scared. Keep reading articles online about people who come out of work at 50 and never work again. I'm 49. Get shouted at if voice fear at home. I'm just terrified....

dementedma · 20/09/2016 11:33

hope my sister starts her new job next week, she is 51. She took a redundancy package from public sector job and now has this one. She didn't get the job at interview and was gutted but they said they would keep her on file. She thought "yeah, right" and got another, lower paid post.
Then these people phoned her a few months later, said the previous post holder had left and offered her the job!

also, the staff member here who I made redundant three months ago, started her new job this week. she is 48 (and fucking useless!)

lookingforhope · 20/09/2016 14:44

So basically I should find out who got the job at that place and then go and kill them so I win by default? OK. (heads to kitchen to sharpen breadknife)

Fairenuff · 20/09/2016 16:50

Maybe just sneak laxatives into their tea or something, hope, no need to do anything more drastic than that Grin

Baby are you out there lurking?

Elba84 · 21/09/2016 01:09

I fucking hate alcohol...tried to write a response to lovely wry but it's taking everything to spell this correctly ...love you all, and hope not to get spayed tomoro Grin

lookingforhope · 21/09/2016 10:34

Today's outburst at 8.00am. Apparently he has to take DD to school every morning even though I'm at home because 'you don't come straight back home with the paper and I can't wait all day for a paper'. Erm no, if I have errands to do and am in the village anyway why would I drive 2 miles home in rush hour traffic then double back so you can read the football before 9.00am. Never heard of online news? Also wondered out loud what I find to do outside the house all day. (today going to doctors for antidepressants, then meeting a recruitment agency, not that he's asked about my state of mind or job search). Also the small point that every hour spent in the house with him makes me suicidal Angry