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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Brave Babes Battle Bus - Holding our heads up like thistles

999 replies

MaryMungoAndMidgies · 23/07/2016 16:09

I bit the bullet - Come on in, excuse the faint whiff of dog!

The last thread

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lookingforhope · 16/09/2016 23:46

I went for a can of cider and Dexter. More Dexter. If only life were that simple - syringe, cellophane, knife, binbag - boom!!!

Watching another one then sleep - don't want to turn off the laptop till I know I will pass out as dreading the morning. Yes, it is a babyish reaction to not getting a job, but when a job is the one thing you have to keep you sane...

It is so hard when you live with a controlling, abusive narcissist. When there is no point in saying what you feel because it isn't heard and only provokes an angry, irrational outburst. So you don't say it and put on a brave face, and drink in secret and occasionally have a meltdown over something perfectly ordinary like failing a job interview.

I hate my life. But I love you lot. Thank you Lala, Ma, Joey and all of you xxx

lookingforhope · 16/09/2016 23:48

And *Elba^ Hugs back xxxxx

and ^Wry* hope the terrorist is good today

lookingforhope · 16/09/2016 23:49

Bold fail. drink

Elba84 · 17/09/2016 00:25

Hey hope nothing wise to add, just wanted to say hi. Hope you manage to sleep soon ️xxx

Works not too bad. Just been called a 'bollocking pillock' Grin which has had me in giggles ever since, quite possible the best insult ive heard (I don't take these things to heart!). And managed to drop my bleep down the loo for the second time in a month...they will probably think it's deliberate Blush. Roll on 9am and I will be free for two whole weeks....

laladidah · 17/09/2016 00:28

We love you too ..hope so tired still watching Bad Education... It is so puerile but yet I find it funny. Clearly I have a low intellect... YOU ARE NOT BABYISH OR SILLY! it's an upsetting situation, and sounds like you have a lot of stuff on your plate. Chin up lovely. Going to head to sleep, chat in the morning?? Xx

lookingforhope · 17/09/2016 09:11

Morning and a beautiful day here. I do not want to get out of bed. I cannot do this. I can't keep trying and failing. I do not see the point in my life anymore.

dementedma · 17/09/2016 09:15

Look at the beautiful day hope. You are part of it. Read your email. If you can, get up and get out today. Leave a note. Take an overnight bag so you can stay in a hotel or with friends if you need to. Don't tell the family where you are. Just text the kids to let them know you are ok. Make yourself number 1 priority today.

lookingforhope · 17/09/2016 09:23

It won't help Ma. I don't even want to be with myself. I just keep thinking what a failure I am. I hate myself

Elba84 · 17/09/2016 10:23

Oh hope so sorry you feel so awful. This is about so much more than a job really isn't it? Easy for me to say, and impossible for you to accept when you feel like this but...you are not a failure, and there is so much point in your life. As a starter just look at the children you have raised (and the fact that people you have never met in person can tell just how lovely you are and are really concerned about you).

Please will you consider speaking to someone about how low you feel? A friend, Samaritans, out of hours? and of course keep posting here so we know how you are and can support you as much as we can.

I'm off to bed for a bit, but will check how you are later. Huge hugs ️xxx

laladidah · 17/09/2016 12:09

Once again, just wanted to check in and make sure that you are as OK as can be. Oh and once again, just to echo the wise words of ma and elba... Xxx

Fairenuff · 17/09/2016 15:04

He will never go without making an unbearable atmosphere for the DCs. And will make my life utter hell.

Isn't that what he's already doing anyway Hope? I would suggest that if you have any money at all, you take it and put it in an account in your own name.

Use it for food for you and the children. Let the bills come. Let them cut off the electric, the wifi, everything. At some point he will either shift his lazy arse into a job (any job) or realise that his free ride has ended and will move out.

When you feel up to it, see a solicitor with a view to a split. You cannot carry on like this. Everything will be so much better for you with him gone. Your home will be a haven and you can start to build a new, mutually respectful relationship with your children.

It sounds like your 'one day' has come and that's actually a good thing. Start a thread in relationships under a different name to get lots of support and good advice.

But for now just start with the small things. Look after yourself. Stay in bed if you want but please try and post so that we know you're ok(ish) x

dementedma · 17/09/2016 16:52

Seaglass today

Brave Babes Battle Bus - Holding our heads up like thistles
dementedma · 17/09/2016 21:18

hope are u ok?

lookingforhope · 17/09/2016 21:48

i'm here. still sad and cant help thinking why I didn't get the job. If I allow myself to consider the job situation I get real feeling of panic. thanks for all your support. In bed now (did get up and walk around a bit today and see a friend) Going to visit a friend tomorrow whose husband has had a few redundancy rounds and might be able to give me some help with agencies etc. Ignoring WB as best I can... Thanks for all your messages Sad

dementedma · 17/09/2016 22:13

Well done hope . Keep at it.

lookingforhope · 17/09/2016 22:27

WB gets in a real temper if I even mention it. Says I am self indulgent .... And we aren't on the breadline yet. Feel like saying 'well you fucking are you miserable sponger'. I hate him.

Mouseface · 17/09/2016 22:52

Hey, tis me, mouse

I'm hopeful that a few of you remember me and that I can keep up with you as much as possible.

I've really, really missed you wonderful Babes and the bus!!

I'm ok ish, but will update you all bit by bit. Tonight however, I have a date with Judy Blume's first novel in decades, plus I'm utterly exhausted.

Seems like l have been away longer than I wanted to be.

Goodnight sweethearts,

mouse 🐭 xxx

aliasjoey · 18/09/2016 00:21

Mouse lovely to see you

Hope how are you doing this evening?

lookingforhope · 18/09/2016 07:46

Hi Joey Going to see an old friend today quite a drive away whose husband has been through this and is going to help with agencies etc. Taking dd with me. WB says I am over the top and selfish 'wasting their time and burdening them'. I've been friends with this woman since I was 4 and she begged me to come, but he insists nobody wants to know my problems and I should just keep it to myself as 'it isn't the worst thing in the world'. Perhaps not, being married to him is the worst thing in the world. Sad. I am wary of speaking to people IRL when I'm sad now though as he has given me the worry that if I show vulnerability and ask for help people will find me a nuisance. So mostly plaster on a smile and carry on then every so often collapse, like now. Glad to be getting out for a day. But also can't wait to get home and drink SadBlush. Am going to screw up courage to ring the company tomorrow for feedback but it's horrible, and if the reason is I was older than the hiring manager, well they won't say that. Being at home is killing me though. I would be keener to make the freelance stuff work if I didn't feel my confidence and selfish esteem seeping away every second I spend here. So sad, it's my home which I own and it feels like the most hostile place on earth.

dementedma · 18/09/2016 09:06

WB is manipulating you and you know it. By making you think you are a burden to other people he causes you not to ask them for help in case he is right. Exactly what you posted above. He knows that if you start getting outside help, then you will find the strength to leave. Your friend has known you almost all of your life. Tell her everything. Don't listen to the doubts he is putting in your head.

lookingforhope · 18/09/2016 09:20

Cheers Ma - he is being all friends again this morning offering to go out to get breakfast and helping me with a voluntary PR thing I'm doing. I just feel distanced. He's ok as long as the conversation never threatens to look at areas like money or work where he may have to make a behaviour change. I just feel distanced from him. Looking forward too seeing friend today, though she has such a sickeningly happy marriage and family life it does make me want to cry sometimes

dementedma · 18/09/2016 09:32

More manipulation hope. Play along superficially but keep that distance and that anger. Have a good day with your friends.

starsandmoons · 18/09/2016 10:25

Hi I hope it's ok to join you. I posted a few months ago on the dry thread but unfortunately dry is not something I seem to be able to manage. I have lurked here for a while and follow all your stories and you have helped and motivated me. My story is fairly typical. To much wine creeping up over the years. I'm really low this morning as have just done two weeks dry and decided to have "one" drink last night. Don't remember going to bed and feel horrendous this morning. My family deserve better than this. I was feeling so good for the previous few weeks and it's just back to square one this morning. Anyway enough ramblings. I hope everyone else on the thread is feeling a lot brighter this morning

dementedma · 18/09/2016 10:49

Welcome stars . Of course it's okay to join us. Dry isn't an option for some of us, a goal for some of us, or a new place for some of us. Two weeks dry is excellent by the way.

starsandmoons · 18/09/2016 11:02

Thank you ma. I appreciate the welcome. My drinking pattern is all or nothing. I rarely drink during the week and it's not an issue at all but then the weekend is a total binge. I'm just so sick and tired of it and then I'll do a couple of weeks dry and convince myself I'll just have a few like a normal person but it never is.