Brave Babes Battle Bus - Holding our heads up like thistles

[MaryMungoAndMidgies]

I bit the bullet - Come on in, excuse the faint whiff of dog!

The last thread

Oh wry, you are not a cow and not a horror. You are one of the wittiest and most caring people I can imagine. I have done exactly the same, had half a bottle of wine, and then took pup out, despite the weather warnings, that much doesn't even affect me anymore, which is very worrying. Needless to say that the rumblings of thunder turned into full blown 'sounds like a bomb has just exploded' claps, along with lightning. Poor pup nearly burst out of her skin and leapt about a foot into the air (which when you are her size is no mean feat). Had to pick her up and carry her home as she was properly shaking. Why did I do that to her knowing that it was inevitable? To give you some idea of how loud it was, it set off several car and house alarms. Poor wee thing. You have done so much for your doggy, she probably wouldn't stay still because she is just as frustrated as you. I hope you try and relax whilst getting your hair cut. Come back when you are home and talk. for you.

In the meantime I need to walk to waitrose to get some dinner more wine how wise is it to walk about outside whilst the storm is imminent? Will I be struck by lightning, will I be swept away by the raging downpour? Shall I take my earrings out? Stand under trees? Agh, these are probably just urban legends/myths...

Oh wry sorry your feeling so sad You are certainly not a 'fucking horror', and i would imagine taking stitches out of a wriggly pup would be a challenge...you have given Her so much love and care, don't forget that. Big hugs lovely ️xxx

I'm ok, sorry for posting yet more drunken shite. On call tonight so spent all day hiding in bed sleeping off the hangover and feeling sorry for myself. Got to head off in a minute to pretend to be a sensible grown up....

mrs and lala the anxiety and fear this causes is ridiculous isn't it?! I wish there was a magic wand for all of us. Big hugs to both of you, I guess we just have to keep going. Still aiming for a dry October.

Just got to get through to Saturday morning and then two lovely weeks off. Can't wait. Considering booking a spa day in my mission to book stuff to avoid a two week binge...is that a bit extravagant (and more importantly will I look like a loner on my own?? Everyone's working!)

Anyway, really got to get ready now. Hope everyone's ok xxx

wry ma rowie loving quine! What's brought on the blues? You do such an amazing job with the hairy assassin. She wouldnt be here if it wasn't for you. You are much loved on this bus and dont you dare forget it!
Hi to lala and mrsmimsy and Elba
Hope did you hear about the job?
I have a 197 page document to read on resettlement and transition, so that I can start my power point! Give me strength

Echoing what ma said. And wow, 197 pages...I am the power point queen if you need any help... Sorry that sounded rather like vulgar bragging but you know what I mean!

hope job news???

elba and ma you are so right about wry, she has done so much for the pup. I was just chatting to a friend today about our pups, and when I thought about it properly I thought about how much I love the wee one. As in fierce love, if anyone messes with her, they mess with me. Never felt like that before, not even my horse. Can't watch any of those soppy Facebook things, or watch the news when someone has done something horrid to a dog, without crying my eyes out. There is a particularly tear jerking one doing the rounds right now. When you consider the damage actual humans are doing to each other I guess it seems minor, but oh god I love my little dog.

Sorry, got a bit weepy there, off to cook some Thai green curry thanks mr waitrose and then do some of that netflixing that all the cool kids talk about (mr L left me his iPad while he is away for the weekend, he is awesome--

Total strike out fail there. By the way, anyone got any Netflix recommendations?

Hello everyone, I just want to say thank you for your very kind words, (((((((((((((big bosies)))))))))))) I will post more tomorrow, and catch up with you all properly. Something weird is happening with my laptop, I'm getting tons of script error messages on this site. This has taken me an age to write as it won't type properly unless I wait a few seconds between each letter and then I keep losing everything when the error pops up. I left the batphone at work after truly horrid day yesterday but will make sure I take it home tomorrow and post on there instead. Short version, hate myself for being a coward and not speaking up.

I apologised to the terrorist with some chicken breast and a biiiig cuddle. Sad to my soles that I got frustrated with her, she's my world, really she is. Will post properly tomorrow, promise, but I've managed this pitiful offering in the meantime so will wing it into the t'ether before it disappears again, ((((((((((bosies)))))))))))))) xx

Aw big hugs Wry. Am sure your little terrorist knows you love her (though are you sure she didn't wee on your computer in revenge, hence tech problems? Just a thought )

No job news. Said on Monday I would hear in a couple of days. Nothing, so this morning sent a politely enthusiastic email offering references and further info and the hint 'I look forward to hearing from you soon'. Nothing but an out of office message and tumbleweed. Am fearing the worst. Is there anything worse than the prolonged silence after a second interview?

Had a horrible few days working from home. It is so BORING being indoors and I hate it - not used to it at all, and proximity to WB is driving me mad, as is the tip of a house and entitled teenagers treating me like a maid. Despite having 2 freelance projects on the go, I feel a non-person without my out of the house job. How sad am I? And of course worried about money as useless twunt freeloading WB still expects me to pay all the bills. God, I wish he'd fuck off.

Taking the day off tomorrow (because I can!) and will finally get out of my scruffy harem pants and t-shirt and go out for the day. Meeting a friend for walk and coffee in the morning after dropping DD at school, then into town for lunch with an old boss (Italian food and yes, I admit it, wine). Feeling fat and frumpy so health kick starts Saturday when I have a period without meals out / drinks for a couple of weeks - C25k and Low Carb here I come.

Have been obsessively checking phone and email re: job but getting despondent now. I think I may need to borrow a dog from one of you to cheer me up.

Elba hope the hangover went away and you are feeling a bit better - you had me worried there. Lala not a Netflix chick but do have 123 movies where you can watch anything you like online. I mostly watch Dexter. My hero is a serial killer. What does that say about my state of mind? Mrs, welcome back, good to see you.

Right, 1.00am already (have actually been working ona copywriting project until now can you believe) Brew and sleep beckon, and maybe a chapter of my book as am a bit of an insomniac since leaving work (sob). Reading Life After Life by Kate Atkinson, would recommend, it's fab.

Night all xxx

No booze at all this month so already clocked up many many more alcohol-free days than I had for a long long time - probably the whole of my adulthood if I'm honest

Feeling & looking much better - I hadn't even realised I felt & looked less well than I ought to.

Planning to drink only on occasions now - high days & holidays - & much less when I do. My next drink will be on October 6th & after that probably 10th November. I'll be away for a do both times.

I had started to notice palpitations after more than half a bottle of wine which was the trigger for me.

I'm using a free app on my phone called Quit That - nice to see the time since the last drink mounting up

Didn't get the job. Fucking gutted, it's the best chance I've had for ages and actually thought the interview went well. WB doesn't earn, everyone depends on me, I've no family to lean on and I'm nearly 50. Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!!!!!! Going to get pissed tonight.

Oh hope that's shit! So sorry, mate. Don't get trashed, you will feel even worse tomorrow. Wish I could be more help...

"furry" well done

Actually feel quite suicidal. Didn't want to come home. I needed that job, not just for the money (which is crucial as the only earner) but to validate me and get me out of the house away from my miserable life here. I miss work. I miss my colleagues. I miss being liked and valued and valuable. I miss being busy and needed. Haven't even told WB. Him and DS out anyway. They were expecting a takeaway tonight. I can't eat. Will take dd to gymnastics, come home and go to bed at 8.30 and leave them all to it. Sounds over the top but am rejected every single hour of every single day at home when I walk into a room and am ignored, dismissed, snapped at .. he'll be even worse when I'm not earning as that's my only value to this family. Being rejected in the only arena I was worthwhile is just making it worse and without being loved at home I don't know how much longer I can keep on trying and being knocked back. Sorry babes. Feel like the best of my life is behind me and just years ahead of ageing, worse pay and status jobs, kids moving away and getting older. And WB in the background like a deatheater day by day. Fuck this.

Oh hope, I am really sorry. Please remember that you ARE needed and valued and liked, especially by us! I know it's not much consolation right now, but it really is their loss. Keep looking and keep applying. You will get something that you love, sooner rather than later... Can you do something nice this eve? Long bath? Watching a crappy but funny film? Read your favourite book? Paint your nails? I realise these are all rubbish and stereotypical ideas, but they might help? Let them get their own sodding takeaway! This may sound trite and I don't know the back story, but if you are feeling this bad then could you maybe go away for a bit? A few days, just you, or maybe see friends? To reassess the situation and try and weigh up the pros and cons or think of a solution to the issues? If it is any consolation, in my current job last year I could rejected for two promotions within one month. And they bloody well asked me to apply! Grr. Really knocks the stuffing out of you. Please come back later and let us know how you are doing

Everyone else how are you? furry that is an amazing achievement, congratulations!!!

Off to walk puplet. At least the rain has finally stopped, got woken up at least three times in the night by thunder and torrential rain thudding down on my window. So early night for me tonight. Plus just signed my life away with the tenancy agreement for the flat and my bank balance is severely depleted after having taken an almighty whack for the deposit. Bread and water for me forever more

hope don't give up. Don't let them win. You have so many friends who value you. Look at your Facebook! And on here.
If WB starts just say firmly that as you are out of work and now it's his turn to provide for the family or you will have to sell the house. Sell it out from under the fucker and start over on your own.

Oh hope so sorry. Teenagers are utterly shite at showing it, but I can guarantee you are valued very much by them. Got to run, as I'm off to work, but if you are awake in the night and want some company I will do my best to keep an eye on here (might have to do some work too at some point ). Big hugs lovely xxxx

I am in bed with a glass of wine. I was overqualified to do that job FFS, and it was a salary drop. I prepared like crazy for the interview and know I did good presentations and written exercise. They probably just wanted someone younger and less expensive. WB came up with some bullshit about that's why he can't apply for a job as they value cheapness over experience and I said, yes, but if neither of has a wage coming in how are we going to afford to live, and he immediately started shouting at me and saying 'don't have a go at me and make this my problem, you won't get any sympathy, you always blame someone else' etc. All I was doing was stating that one of us needs a wage. So looks like it is going to be me (like I didn't know that already). I am really gutted by this though. If I can't get this job then fuck knows what else I'll get in this job market and seeing as I am treated like shit at home I am not up for the long round of rejection. Just feel so alone with it all. working ridiculous hours suited me as I didn't have to look at my home life. I just feel crap. I have left them all to it and told the kids not to expect me to get up tomorrow. Actually want to die, I am sick of fucking trying. I try, and try, and try and it's hard and nobody helps and nobody cares they just expect me to pick myself up again and again and again so I can be there to sort their lives out. And I fucking can't any more. I'm actually crying here on my own. I just don't want to keep trying. I'm fucking done with it.

Oh hope please please please don't give up. I know that Ds and dd need you. But yes, you need to be fucking done with how things are. You can't go on being the only parent who runs round after them, cares about them, feeds and provides for them, all the time in an atmosphere of abuse and hatred. Stop trying that and make that change . Put the house on the market and with your share, you could get something smaller for you and dcs? Take any job temporarily to keep food on the table - you are multi-skilled and multi-talented and have good contacts.
Please, please take time on your own tomorrow to draw up a list of options. Go back to your lawyer. It's worth taking the hit on the house to be away from WB and being happy.

Echo exactly what the wise ma says, you sound desperately unhappy and not like the usual lovely and upbeat person you normally are... Seriously it seems like you need to sort things, one way or another, for the better. Forgive me, as I don't know, but why doesn't WB (wank badger???) work? Sorry if it's a sensitive issue. Teenagers will always be teenagers, and have little awareness or comprehension of anything that goes on outside their blinkered little lives. Not sure how old yours are but they tend to improve after about 18+ . Please keep talking to us xxx

elba how are you holding up? Hope work is going well.

ma any plans for beach combing tomorrow?

Where is wry this evening? Hopefully not up to mischief. Hope the little terrorist is well. My one has a new best friend, he is a squeaky monkey toy named Charlie. She has been carrying around since I got him for her yesterday evening, and gets most upset if I try and take him away. She had a strip earlier because I wouldn't let her take him on our walk. I do sometimes think that being reincarnated as a dog (or other pampered animal) might be the way forward, no worries except for dinner/walkies/toys/cuddles. And certainly no drinking obviously (although she has been known to help herself to a few sips of beer when I've not been looking, must be in the genes).

hope seriously hope you are as OK as can be. I am going to climb into bed myself shortly after a lovely bath, cuddle the dog and do the old Netflix thing. I have watched Dexter before, but I am a massive wimp and get all funny at the sight of blood and guts. I will agree with you about your choice of book, 'life after life' is brilliant. I was hooked and read in about two evenings, then felt all disappointed because I didn't want it to end... If you need more distraction, I can't recommend 'the bones of you' by Debbie Howells. It's a really bittersweet murder mystery type thing, I found it gripping. Read some of her other stuff though and it was bloody crap hopes none of you are Debbie Howells will be around this event for as long as I can stay awake so don't forget to check back in.

Waves to everyone else

He will never go without making an unbearable atmosphere for the DCs. And will make my life utter hell. I'm scared. How can I bring up a conversation about our future when even asking if he might think of applying for a job provokes an outburst about how selfish I am to blame everyone else for my failure? Actually feel a massive failure right now in more ways than one. Shit home life, no job, almost 50. Scared I won't find work again and can't expect any support from anyone. Feel guilty cos the kids are seeing me falling apart from a job rejection but it is more than that. Work is my escape as well as my security. If it weren't for the kids I would seriously just pack it all in

hope have emailed you. Time to tell the kids exactly why you are falling apart. They need to know and they need to help you.
Lala have had a tip off for a new beach to try so am off there tomorrow.

Can the DCs not make up their own minds about him? Would he listen to their point of view?

aw didn't see you there Lala. Thanks for your good wishes. WB does work (sniggers) in his own mind. Runs a website so is a full time fucking writer and doesn't get a penny for it. Perhaps I could do that too, shore up my self esteem, avoid having to go for jobs and get on with people and cope with responsibilities by writing an IMPORTANT WEBSITE for NO MONEY. Oh, wait, food and electricity costs.... As you were...

He genuinely believes it matters and even brought a laptop on the holiday in Portugal which I paid for and spent time working in the room while we all swam and sunbathed and laughed ourselves silly behind his back Honestly don't get me started. His ego and principles and politics are far more important than being a husband and father and providing for the family. He is a delusional mental twunt. (yes, I have had a lot of wine and am ranting, but this is a longstanding problem - Ma knows)

On a happier note do you know there is a sequel to Life after Life called A God in Ruins? Not strictly a sequel but it has links and I believe does feature Teddy from Life After Life. It's next up on my Kindle. If I don't throw myself in a lake tomorrow obviously (distinct option)

Hope listen to all the wise babes on here... People do care, we care and I know your kids do too but teenagers are crap at showing it. Big hugs to you

Lala DS knows he's a dick but is tolerant (one of those laid back teens) though often says to me that I should dump him when they have left home (typical teen, please carry on in your misery while I need you and feel free to go once I am at Uni). He is a good kid though and WB would be worse if DS didn't pull him up now and then and remind him of reality.

DD thinks he's an arse but is a 13 year old girl and similarly likes the status quo.

I am a selfish witch (though also a hopelessly trapped one) for being too scared to have sorted this years ago and giving them such an appalling template for marriage that it will be a fucking miracle if either of them ever has a healthy relationship. I feel guilty about that every single day. Oh and now I have the added guilt of not earning. My cup of guilt truly runneth over. (unlike my wine glass, which is now empty)

Oooh yes hope I recall seeing that somewhere... Teddy was the brother, align recall correctly??? Might sack of the Netflix and settle for some reading instead. It's mighty cold here in London Town after all the rain etc, will fetch dog to act as a hot water bottle (except that she will definitely get hyper and charge about, ruining my peace and quiet). I obviously have no experience with the twuntish husband scenario, far too much with the twuntish boyfriend situation alas. However, from what you are saying, I really do think you need a breather and a step back to evaluate things. He doesn't sound like much fun. And you sound miserable. And the most important thing is you and the kids, as you know. Please don't throw yourself in a lake, they are full of creepy stuff like weeds and gasp fish!!!! Ick. And if you are very unlucky, something like this might happen...
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/9555113/Swimmers-warned-not-to-swim-naked-in-Hampstead-Heath-after-crayfish-invasion.html
Not sure if that worked as never posted a link before. On a serious note, please just have this evening to yourself, get drunk (not too drunk though) if you want, laugh, cry, whatever, and tomorrow seriously start to plan out what you want to do... Sorry, I am not much help!

Hey joey

No you are not a selfish witch. At all. Teenage girls are a bugger, especially at 13. They can't help it, I suppose, all those hormones! I used to work with teenagers and always found girls the most tricky to handle.

From my own experience, my own parents used to fight tooth and nail all the time. I remember being with my sister, I just have been about 8, begging my dad not to throw a chair across the room after my mother had been particularly goading towards him, and both begging them to get divorced. Not saying that is your situation at all, but he then moved out when I went to uni, although they were still together, and they got on a hell of a lot better. Can't say it has had much of an impact on us both mad drinkers! but if anything it made me more determined that if I get married then I need to be totally sure that it is going to work. I just wish my parents had actually either divorced or had some time apart, so as not to have got to that point. Sorry that isn't helpful.

Look, my lovely hope, you only get one life, and you need to weigh up whether it is worth being this miserable and unhappy and feeling like this. Because you aren't worthless by any stretch of the imagination. Just from what I know if you on here, you are an intelligent, witty, focused woman, and all round good egg. It may sound like a cliche, but you never know what is around the corner... ma is obviously far better qualified to comment on the situation that I, obviously.

I think in this instance you are allowed another glass of wine, sorry rest of you babes, and then start afresh tomorrow. What did you decide to do in the end - book? Film? Xxx