Brave Babes Battle Bus - Holding our heads up like thistles

[MaryMungoAndMidgies]

I bit the bullet - Come on in, excuse the faint whiff of dog!

The last thread

crotchet thank you. I'm debating staying off work a few days, just feel guilty. I'm not ill as such.

Genuinely feel like maybe this time I'm done with drinking. There are literally no benefits. And it's quite scary (and embarrassing) how hysterical I seem to get in that state. I cut my thigh (deliberately I think) Tuesday night and don't remember doing it which is worrying. Plus I never want to experience a hangover like this again.

Going to try again at 7 days in a row, then reassess. Normally make these plans whilst simultaneously planning a binge to reward myself...really feel like something's different this time around.

Don't feel guilty elba, if you need some time to sort yourself out, you wouldn't feel guilty if you'd broken your leg would you!

Hope everyone else is ok.

I haven't been AF, but have hugely reduced my intake over the past week.......until last night when I went back to just over 1.5 bottles of wine. It's really brought it home to me this morning, I've got a headache, a fuzzy head, claggy mouth and I don't remember going to bed.

So will try AF today, one day at a time. I have an appointment to get my blood pressure checked on Monday so that's an incentive.

Off to walk the fog now, have a good day all.

I've taken the rest of the week off. Don't have any energy at all, so going to let myself hibernate for a few days. In a bit of a state and not even bloody washed since Tuesday just been hiding in bed so shower, clean sheets and something to eat is the only plan for today.

I just want to fast foward a few days and know that I've not had a drink, especially once this hangover wears off. Tired of the whole cycle now and, I think, ready to call it a day.

Hope you had a good walk crotchet and the hangover is wearing off. I will be AF with you tonight.

Hope everyone else is ok. lala how are you doing? And claret where are you?? Sorry for so many posts ️xxx

Hi lovely babes, just popping by to say hi - welcome to new faces. Sorry I've been a bit absent lately....I think of you all very often and I hope you are all doing ok. I'm still up and down as ever.

Big hugs to you all, will try and pop in again soon xx

Hi elba hadn't seen your post below when I posted! Thanks for asking after me

Hope you're ok, sounds like you need the break from work - take the time to prioritise you for once

Just checking in. Tired.

I don't know if any of you have been having trouble with the new mumsnet pop-up which made you log in before being able to read threads. It is really awful if you are not constantly logged in on your device.

I posted in site stuff:
" Mumsnet is more than just an income generating site - it also sets itself as a campaigning organisation and a place where people who are vulnerable (e.g. people experiencing domestic abuse) can find a safe place for support and advice. For many people that starts by lurking and browsing before they have the confidence to post. I have been a longstanding poster on the bravebabes threads. I doubt I would have posted about my alcohol problem if I hadn't been able to read all the posts for 3 weeks before I registered and tentatively made my first post. Five years later, I barely drink, thanks to the support I got here. But I log on and post from my pc, and never on my phone (which other people in my family can use). But I've lost count of the times when I read encouraging posts on my phone and was strengthened in my resolve not to drink."

I suspect that many of us here lurked for a long time before posting, and maybe would never have found out about the help and support if they had been forced to register / log on in order to read, or if they thought that their posting / reading history was being tracked.

Really quite angry about it. Not least because I had a four hour train journey with no access to mumsnet!

Brilliant post there venus. Really hope MN take note, it is testament to how valuable it is to have online support... Hope you are doing well.

claret nice to see you! Hope all is well with you too.

elba how are you feeling? Good for you for getting time off work, you can have some time out to work on yourself and get back that positive point of view without all the stress that jobs bring. Hope you are ok? Xx

I had a crap crap crap day yesterday, bad news re work. Hey ho. my sodding horse has gone lame again. I have ridden her a total of three times in the last two months, having to make do with surrogates, and pretty much contemplating giving her up at the mo, she costs too much for the amount of time I actually spend with her oh and Lala pup has mastered the art of jumping on the kitchen table, little bugger. I discovered this after coming downstairs after five mins of her being unattended and finding a jar of pesto (that I left on there with the lid tightly shut), completely cleaned out, and she was rolling it about on the floor with a big grin and pesto all over her face. Cue much swearing from me, and lots of antibacterial wipes - plus she ruined dinner. So her punishment is having a hair cut today while I have a lovely breakfast with my friend.

Positive note, got a weekend away booked next week with mr Lala, swanky hotel, etc. Just hope I don't fuck up as usual.

Hope all you babes are ok.

So... Since I posted the last message up uncharacteristically early, can't sleep the puppy has a) shredded yet another toilet roll, all over the garden b) chased and barked her head off at a fox, poor neighbours c) managed somehow to pull all my clean washing out of the dryer and made a rather damp nest of it after having chewed my lovely new cardigan... Oh and d) been sick (I assume after all the pesto consumption)

She is free to a good home. Actually, free to any home. Hands up, who wants her??

Great post Venus, I lurked for weeks before jumping on, and if I had to keep logging on I'd probably have given up. So thanks.

elba hope you're feeling ok this morning, have you got any plans for the day?

lala sorry about your crap day, but love the mental pic of the pesto eating dog! Our old lab, sadly no more, Once managed to get my sons forgotten sandwiches from the middle of the table, I came home from work to find the cling film neatly on the floor, she had seized, unwrapped and eaten 2 cheese and pickle sarnies!

I am proud of myself this morning as was AF yesterday, even faced with mr crochet (great name ) downing nearly 2 bottles of wine. However I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed (well not exactly) while he'll feel like crap. Think I'm going to go for it again today.

Have a good day all

Arghhh why do we put up with these bloody dogs? Not just put up with them and their thieving ways, but we actively worship them, picking up their poos, brushing their horrid and leaf/fox poo infested coats, lovingly tuck them into bed, talk to them in baby voices, give them little snacklets when we think no-one else is watching... And for what??? Ruined dinner, ruined clothes, bacteria ridden kitchen tables and dog puke everywhere. I give up!

Well done there crotchet, proud of you. If you have done one day, what is to stop you doing another? And then another? And then another... Keep doing it, remember it is 'just for today' and all that jazz. Hope mr crochet isn't feeling too rotten this morning... Mr Lala had a bit of a poorly head when he set off for work at 5.30. I may have joined him for about half a bottle of wine, but he drank the rest and another bottle. Although that is rather unusual for him. Probably couldn't cope with the thought of dog pesto for tea . We must think of better names for them than 'mr Lala/crochet/whoever' - it sounds a bit deranged... Loving the cheese and pickle thief!

Right, up, showered, off to punish the dog with the groomers actually, it's not really punishment, it's totally like going to the hairdressers, right?

crotchet wow well done for being AF with mr crotchet drinking, that must make it doubly challenging. Hope you feel suitably smug!

lala sorry about the work news. But well done for sticking to half a bottle last night...shows restraint! Pup sounds like such a character now- guess you should be glad she's relatively small, imagine she was husky sized or similar, it would be carnage!

claret hi! Lovely to hear from you.

venus I agree. I lurked here, and on other forums that I found, until I chose where to post and plucked up the courage.

I am on day 3...only ever got past two days in a row once, and the hangover has faded so tonight may be a challenge. But last night I Poured out all my remaining alcohol!!! Never done that before, and obviously I can always go and buy more, but it felt symbolic somehow.

Determined to get to 7 days this time, then maybe 10 and so on. In my usual all or nothing style Ive just been shopping and bought all the AF drinks in sainsburys...literally have juices, cordials, tonic, lemonade, ginger beer, af beer, af cider, herb teas...so hopefully there will be something I fancy later from that selection

Just pottering about at the moment, might try and go for a walk if it stops raining. Have to do a bit of work as forgot I'm doing some teaching on Monday, so might get it out the way. Other than that I'm just chilling out and trying not to feel too guilty about work.

Well done for emptying the booze elba, it is symbolic. And for buying in lots of alternatives.
Last night I was on sparkling water with a slice of lemon/ lime and ice, I thought it might be challenging when Mr crochet started drinking, but do you know what? It was ok.
The more mashed he got, the more smug I got, I went to bed at 10.30 to read, he staggered up at 11.30 and crashed about a bit. This morning I was up at 6am, bright and breezy (ish) but clear headed and even better, remembering going to bed. He surfaced at 8, looking like death and asking me what time he went to bed last night.
I'm definitely going for it again today. Bring on the fizzy water!

Well done elba! So proud of you... I can def recommend raspberry lemonade. With lots of ice.

And crochet, mr Lala was similar this morning, God love him. Felt smug as well as I toddled off to make coffee and breakfast at 5.30am while he sat holding his head in his hands and moaned about having to go to work.

Lala pup has had her hair cut, while I got to enjoy gorgeous new born snuggles. She now looks like a 'proper shih tzu' according to my friend... Carried her all the way home so as not to besmirch her shiny little paws, looked like a right plank on the tube after I gave her some Evian from the bottle and she spilt it all over my leg - totally looked like she had peed on me. She is never allowed out again, ever! Just paid off my credit card bill (ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch), totally regretting the drunken purchases now.

I guess it's a bit eye opening watching it from the other side crotchet. Do you think he might start to follow your lead and cut down too?

Not sure what to do with myself today. I guess I'm just so used to spending my time either working, drinking or hungover. I've been better at being af before work days recently, but days off are usually preceded by big binges and spent hungover...feels a bit weird! Theres a lot of time to fill, and I'm not being at all constructive with it.

Will have to add raspberry lemonade to the list next time lala! Newborn snuggles are lovely aren't they?! I get to enjoy three days of them the week after next when I go and stay with my friend for a few days.

The best sort of snuggles ever! They smell so powdery and cute. totally not broody in my old age little one was not happy when her mum went to pay, so I did some shushing and bouncing up and down, totally looked like an incompetent lunatic. Clearly I should stick to dogs.

Why don't you watch some films? I am at a loose end as well this afternoon, and mr Lala (please help me think of a better way to refer to him!!!) left his iPad and his Netflix... Any suggestions for this miserable rainy afternoon?

How about an afternoon of blackadder or similar on Netflix?

Decided the next logical step is lunch, and then hope the sun has come out so I can go to the beach. Plan b is clean the bathroom (long overdue ) then do some work. Then maybe a film later. Usually all this stuff is done in a hungover rush after most the day in bed.. Maybe I dont 'function' as well as I've been pretending to. Don't feel like an adult, which is stupid as I manage to work etc. Just the other stuff gets left out.

Haha, I totally get what you mean about not feeling like an adult! I am 32 for gods sake and I still feel like a child!

black adder is a good plan, love a bit of rowan Atkinson.

Just been out for a dog walk with my friend, she is no longer white and fluffy, more of a brown and muddy colour. I want to weep but she had a blast running around off the lead and didn't fall into the river so resigning myself to the fact that she will need a hose off. Going to hose off my self as well, then crack open the Netflix and see what's on offer...

Cleaning sounds like a plan elba. What you up to this evening?

Oh crikey. Mr Lala wants to go on a date night... What do I wear??? And how do I stop myself from drinking before hand?

The bloody pop ups have been removed. Thank goodness! (and thank you MNHQ for listening)

lala I have no idea about your sartorial elegance (i.e. what you wear), I'm an old girl so I'd be likely to say things like "if he likes you he doesn't need to see you knickers when you sit down" or " are you really going out wearing that!"

But on the non drinking thing.... fill your fridge with ice cold coke / lemonade / soda / tonic. Add some lime or lemon slices, and a few drops of elderflower cordial. It tastes great.

But more importantly ask yourself why you would need to be drinking before you go on a date with a person you've met, a person you know is 'ok', a person who has seen you in good states and bad... This lovely mr lala has asked you on a date. Would you not want to be 100% fully aware of the evening, and to enjoy it that way. Have you really discovered the joy of sober sex? The delight of not having to screw up your eyes and pretend or imagine, but instead the full enjoyment of being awake and aware. A couple of glasses of wine will not diminish that (and I really mean one or two very small glasses) but drinking as you get ready, and then drinking throughout the 'date' - well you know that will lead to more drink, or to passing out, or to some very unsatisfactory drunken sex. Maybe for both of you. He has invited you on something special - make the most of it.

Ok, thanks venus for your wise words. Risking myself here, he is the only person I have had sex with sober. He makes me laugh. He is good with my dog. Why can't I bloody well just enjoy this?? I have just done the equivalent of shouting at him via text, when all he did was suggest to stay in and get take away... Fucks sake. Sorry for my language

lala - what venus said! Though if you are going to drink first how about buying some posh cider or similar and having it in a wine glass? Lower abv plus it will fill you up more than wine so you will drink slower?

Made it to the beach for a blowy walk. Not doing anything tonight- going out would mean drinking in all likelihood. Or finding an excuse why I'm not. Plus I'm still technically off work so it wouldn't look too good... Quite happy contuing my little hibernation, and pretending to myself that I don't want to drink.

Agreed to do a park run walk tomorrow morning. Considering I've not run since last year, and have been smoking like a chimney recently it could be interesting I might die

venus I just read your words properly. I have no other words to offer. Except to say that they all mean something (if you know what I mean...) going to cry in a second. Having a glass of wine. Sorry babes

elba it feels like you are at a real point of transition... You can look down one road and know where it could lead, and you can look in the other direction.. and well who knows what delights or trouble might come? But at least there is the possibility of delight - and with all the skill and internal resource that you have, I think that the promise of delights could be wonderful.

But I posted to say something about that feeling of not being an adult. I was on a mindfulness course and there was a lot of 'getting in touch' with hurtful teenage feelings.... Towards the end of the 20 minute meditation I remember the course leader saying "but of course you are NOT 13/14/15"... And I distinctly remember feeling shocked.... I was in my 50's and yet in that moment I was completely identified with my 14 year old self - so much so that I was surprised that I wasn't actually 14.

There is something of 'gestalt' in this. It was once explained to me like being a string of pearls which grows from your first experience of feeling sad / alone / angry / scared / guilty / fearful etc. So you can look at your most recent 'event', go to therapy, and resolve that issue. But all you have done is break the last bead from the string of pearls.

And any other similar event takes you immediately back to the whole chain of emotions that you experience. (which is why I felt like I was 14)

If you can (in therapy or by other means) go back to the first time you felt sad / alone/ angry / scared / guilty / fearful etc. and break the string of pearls at that point, then you can see todays event as causing you angst but without it linking to all the past events.

Possibly this makes no sense to you, but if you're at a transition please look at all options. xx