Muslim husband and mild DV

[iniquity]

Hello everyone,
I am looking for some advice, perhaps more constructive than LTB.
We have been married 10 years with two DC. Over that time he has hit me about 5 times over the head. Nothing too serious but it was scary at the time. The latest incident happened yesterday because I told him to shut up when he was criticising my driving. When we got home he pulled me around by my hair and hit my head. We haven't spoken since.
In Islam women are meant to respect their husbands and they can legitimatly hit a women if she is disobedient. I don't want to end the marriage, I'm a year away from completing a nursing course and I need his help. I don't want to be a single mum to two and no job.
Any advice, we are normally reasonably happy. I get very stressed when driving, thats why I told him to shut up.

Hitting your wife is not normal OP, I live in the UAE and it is not tolerated here. It would be classed as an assault. Support wise, if you don't want to anger him, then don't tell him to shut up. In fact don't voice any opinions that he will feel are challenging to him. Perhaps best to have no voice whatsoever.

Or... face the fact that he is abusive towards you and confront the issue and leave.

You are minimising his behaviour and therefore allowing it. You don't have to put up with this.

How does one leave anyway. There us no funding. I have no job or savings. It OK say LTB but there is nowhere to go.

How on earth can you control another persons temper and violence?
Answer is of course you can't.

Only he can do that.

Can you please stop posting shiny shoes, unless you have been in.my situation please don't judge.

Could people please not call the OP names? It's unlikely to be constructive.

Contact women's aid.

Do you have family/friends?
Can you save up?
Visit the council and apply to be put on a housing list.
Look at what benefits you can apply for.

I'm not in your shoes no and I never would be . I would NEVER tolerate any man raising a hand to me or my children
Especially my children
I love them too much and would do anything to protect them from physical violence

Instead of name calling and being horrible how about you help the op in finding a way to leave this man.

Some horrible people on here sometimes.

Sorry, just wanted to say that in Islam, it is totally forbidden to hit even an animal on the head.

Sorry - not sure why that posted three times! Wasn't trying to ram the message home.

OP sometimes hearing harsh truths from outsiders is the reality check we all need. Only you can answer whether you prefer to stay and take the violence occasionally or would rather leave. Most of us would rather leave and not suffer abuse.

Kitty there are no council housing where I live also the women's hostel is full.

How old are your kids OP?

Shiny shoes, you do not love your children anymore than I do mine.

Excuses
If you really wanted to leave you'd make it happen
Even in your opening post you said you didn't want to leave him
Well don't then . Stay there

Iniquity, you can go and live elsewhere, you can go temporarily into a refuge, you can rent privately with council support.

What you do need is to get the process started, look at every option, borrow money if you need to, take it from your OH, sell stuff from home. Whatever it takes.

Talk to the council, talk to a different council (even better, as he is violent), talk to Women's Aid, talk to NCDV (you could get him out of your house).

If you're not going to leave him, then he will continue to abuse you and your children until either; you are dead, your children are taken away from you both or your partner is incarcerated.

It's safe to assume you are not Muslim, as you wouldn't be saying the things you are. Seeing as you are married to a Muslim man, I suggest you read the Quran.

Nothing will "help" his temper. It's there & as long as you pacify his behaviour as a "normal Muslim thing" (which by the way is really offensive) then nothing will change except what I said in the first paragraph.

And you know what will be worse than living in poverty, seeing your sons reproducing their father's behaviour with your DILs.

Once your children are adults, there is very little you can do to change their conduct, that is why you have to teach them the right way from the start.

Shinyshoes - enough

Bullshit.

I work for housing options trust me everywhere has council housing.

Also how do you know the hostels are full? They don't have no vacancy signs outside.

You just don't want to. That's your choice but at least allow your children the chance to live in a home where violence is not accepted and excused.

iniquity I think the advice you want and the advice you need and two different things. If you haven't already, please read Reality's sticky thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

Correct me if I'm wrong OP, but isn't your youngest less than a year old?

And yet he smacks him???

The youngest does not get smacked

less than 1 year old!!!!

Fuck I feel sick.