Obsessed with this man, need advice

[hunneymonster]

I've previously posted on another thread about this, but feel so confused and upset that I would really appreciate some advice or opinions.
I met a man six months ago through OD, wasn't sure whether I fancied him at first, though he was lovely in himself, I slept with him which was amazing, and then it was like I was instantly in love or infatuated with him. I saw him a couple more times and he then began messing me about, not messaging or arranging to see me.
I would wait for him to contact me and then end up messaging him myself as I missed him that much. Sometimes he would be really pleased and keen to see me but would go cold on me again after.
This happened again for a couple of months until he finally told me he had met someone else. I was gutted but fair enough if he had. He has contacted me again recently asking to see me, telling me he wants me and I'm amazing but I still think he is with his new partner and don't understand what is going on with him or what he thinks of me?
I'm just need some advice or a different perspective as it's been going round my head so much I can't think clearly anymore, I'm trying to move on and meet new people but it's like noone else compares to him.

I think I'm done with this too

You arnt helping yourself and there's no point with any posters trying to be " nice" about your situation

Alot of us have been here and you're more bothered about comments saying you've wasted NHS money

Please don't say we remind you of your mother, who clearly was abusive, we're NOT being abusive, we've all TRIED to help you see sense and help direct you to the best possible chances of getting help!

The cold hard truth hurts, we wanted to help you! You shouldn't be suffering but I've now noticed you focus on anything but the issue

So I'll leave this now, I hope one day you wake up and realise that you deserve and are worth more and you get the help and support you need and deserve

Despite what you say Women's Aid have worked absolute miracles for women I know who, with their help have helped women escape abusive relationships, given women support and help, the list goes on. Ok it's very difficult to get through to them but they are absolute workers !

Good luck op!

I'd hate to see a post down the line where you are pregnant and he's done one ( which I can guarantee he will)

The harsh comments MAY seem harsh but it's only to help it sink in just how fucked up the situation is, none of us are out to get you, we wanted to help

Hopefully one day you'll realise that

Take care

We are all wasting our time.

Agreed

OP if you do one thing - PLEASE go and get checked out at a clinic

I think anyone can be helped but they want to have to change.

I disagree with this. I was once in a similar position to this OP. I desparately wanted help/wanted to change. I spent heaps of money on highly recommend private therapy to get over my man - actually an abusive psychopath. Didn't work at all.

What worked eventually was time. No contact and time.

If I'd known that I'd have saved myself a lot of time,therapy and money.

The therapy was utterly useless. It was sandal wearing Guardian reading veganism chit chat of the worst kind. I'd done my research and hadn't picked just anyone. very recommended but ultimately its just paying to talk about yourself.

I remain mysitified by anyone helped by "therapy". It's useless.

OK, OP, he obviously loves you and can't get over you, so sit at home and feel his love while, he's taking his GF out and wining and dining her. You can sit watching your phone, knowing that you're THE ONE even though he doesn't text you and call and blanks you. And if you are pregnant, I'm sure he'll suddenly want to move in and he'll be a changed man and model father.

From a female who has worked with men all of her adult life in a male dominated environment, I showed them this post and every single one of them said the same thing.... he is using the OP to get his end off and the only reason he is being nice to her is to keep his options open.... nothing else....

I have been following this post in disbelief (like most of the other women/mothers on here), and if I'm honest, can't blame the guy.... it's the OP who is allowing this to happen!!

I do worry about her kids though, she must be a great actress if she can hide these feelings from them and continue her life as though nothing was wrong when they are around....

If not for herself, she needs to do something for the sake of her kids...

The Men Have Spoken
Why do people feel the need to do that?!

Because AnotherEmma, it's good to get insight from other men who can look at it from the mans perspective, just as this website is called mumsnet - with the intention of getting advice/help/insight from other mothers....

The OP clearly isn't taking heed to the other mothers/females on this site so maybe hearing the opinions of other men will help her get the strength to move on when she realises that he has no feelings for her and never will

I think made to feel ashamed by men is part of the issue

The fact she's not listening to us about how this excuse of a man is only going to help send her down a destructive path, I very much doubt her hearing opinions off other men is going to help her get the strength to sort herself out

She had no intention of listening to any advice. She just wanted - like an adolescent would - to spend time mooning over the beloved. Tiresome.

user
Well if any of us wanted the Uniquely Wise Insight of a Man, we could always post in a forum that has more men in it, or at the very least request men's opinions in the thread title.
Valuing a man's opinion above a woman's is bollocks and sexist, of course. But then most things are.

again you miss my point AnotherEmma.... the intention was to try to help her realise that no-one (man or woman) would ever think for one moment that the guy she is obsessing over is the least bit interested in her in any way other than for sex..... she didn't listen to other females who have given very good and reasonable advice, so maybe a guys perspective would help.... NOT because a mans opinion is above a womans opinion but the advice given by women was not accepted....

There are kids caught up in this (hers, I get it, but she may be pregnant by him!!), someone needs to get through to her.....

user nobody here really cares what the men in your office think....not least the op

We might as well say "let's ask the absolute twat of an excuse of a man what he thinks" and when he says exactly the same as us " hope " that the OP might listen, but in all fairness I think even if he told her he's using her and she's not special and there is absolutely no feelings apart from the feelings in his dick, she'd listen, if anything would probably make the feelings worse

hareOrRabbit I wasn't suggesting therapy or particular treatment of any kind would work. It was a response to a previous comment that some people can't be helped ( meaning the Op).
I don't think hunney wants to change anything. Hence a list of reasons why this bloke is the only option for her.
Anyway she has left the thread. It's an odd thread. Why ask for perspective if you don't want to hear it?