Brave Babes Battle Bus

[Halleberry]

New thread girlies as the other was about to run out ... Hope you all find this one xxx

Showed the police my diary. And screen shotted messages. But just got an update, they have let him go as apparently on the 101 call I made, he just sounded 'a bit pissed, not violent'. Great.

Oh and this is the clincher. Apparently he is going to make an allegation against me for criminal damage.. I may have set fire to one of his jumpers as a carthatic thing after the time he assualted me. I realise that makes me sound slightly psycho. But in my defence, I told him I was going to do it and he told me to go ahead.

What the actual fuck is wrong with some people? How can they be one thing, and another the next????

Sorry. Bit drunk now.

Lala, sorry you are going through this but drinking is not going to help the situation. Your relationship with your ex sounds toxic enough without adding drink into the mix.

I know. Aoery

Opps, meant sorry. Damn autocorrect

Lala, can you afford a solicitor to get a non-mol order?

lala I think you should ring the woman's aid helpline. They will be able to signpost you to the most appropriate local source of help and give you a chance to speak to someone in real life. Sorry you're going through this

Sorry just started to try and post individual messages as so many of you are going through so much but they sounded shit and and I'm drunk and don't want to say the wrong thing, so I'm no going to name check. But I've read everything over the last few days and am thinking of you all.

No AF days this week, once I've stopped trying not to drink it's bloody impossible to get the motivation back again. So still going round and round in circles. Been on sodding nights again so overtired as well which doesn't help.

Just had a free consultation type thing with a therapist and it's made me feel like shit. In half an hour was questioned over stuff it's taken me 12 weeks to try and hint at to my lovely nhs counsellor, lots of awkward silences which I was clearly meant to fill and far too many really blunt questions which were on the back of me saying about a charity I've been told to apply to for help (word beginning with a that I can't even bring myself to type let alone say but was asked to define it and elaborate). Feel like a total freak now, and hugely panicky.

She has experience as an alcohol counsellor so I'd really hoped that I could find someone I could be honest with about everything but just felt so uncomfortable (don't know if that's me or her though)

I'm really really scared about losing my counsellor, no option to continue privately, already had twice as many sessions as allocated and she's going to fight to get more until I'm set up somewhere else.

I have no one to talk to about anything, everyone I would maybe tell is going through huge things in life. I'm not, just I'm not really coping with life. Sorry, I keep pouring my heart out on here and I'm not really supportive to anyone else.

Anyway, drinking tonight. No point in pretending otherwise. hoping for total obliteration.

Good evening everybody, another rubbish day..

I wish it would get a bit easier, tomorrow the worst one is back and I am sick with dread at the thought. But it is almost the weekend and I am hanging on in there. I really want a drink, and thought I would give in earlier but I made some soup instead. I haven't really just eaten nearly a whole tiger loaf with salt crystally butter. But I did. Fat and sober.

Got home from work tonight, picked up the bairn's new food then took her for a walk. At the moment I am searching for a curl on her forehead. When she is good she is very, very good and when she is bad she is horrid. 90% of the walk was a delight, superb recall, heelwork, stay etc, then was an arse to one of her friends. She rolled her over then sat on her.

lala please my dear, leave whatever you have left and boil the kettle for a cup of tea. Much as it's tempting to try and blot things out, you need a clear head, now more than ever. And you definitely need a good night's sleep. We're all here, just make sure your house is secure and block and delete that horror of a man. Pink has some sound advice re proof of abuse, she has your corner, xx

elba my friend, some of us have found a happy place, some of us may be dealing with various shades of shite but never forget this one wee thing. We ALL have very, very broad shoulders when it comes to another babe's pain. And in helping a fellow babe it makes us all a little bit stronger. We are a wicker basket, strongly woven and capable of carrying so much. Give me your hand, and spill your beans. I'm sorry your therapist appointment didn't go the way you hoped today, but do you think it might improve in future? You are not a freak, you just have a bit on your plate. Don't beat yourself up, tomorrow is another day, xx

Faire how are you my dear? What have you been up to? Are you keeping fine? xx

Muddle Tippetytaptaptap. That's my fingers that is. I'm waaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiting..... How's your day been my dear? xx

ma? Are you and yours okay? Was thinking of you today. On a lighter note, (because my mission is to make you smile a tiny bit) is the General free to patrol Shawshank yet? I'll plant a catnip if that helps? And I'll even throw in a few pots of pussy lawn. Did I mention the two pretty tabbies who visit from two doors down? No? One of them has just been shaved. That's right. A reverse landing strip. I daresay the General would find that somewhat alluring... xx

I'm away for another mug of soup and the last arse end of the tiger loaf. I have bread bloat. It ain't pretty. Catch you later, xx

Well done for dodging the witch wry, soup and tiger bread sounds delicious - and eating all the loaf won't give you a hangover at least!! I dodged wine literally by my finger tips today...only really managing to do so by diving headfirst into a batch of oat and raisin cookie dough. I also have the bloat wry. The cookie dough bloat.

elba , if you can try and put a limit on what you have this evening and catch up on some sleep. You sound exhausted.

lala, agree with the advice from the other babes, you need to ensure your safety.

Evening to all the other babes, hope you're ok.

wry and claret just want to give you huge hugs for being so lovely.

Still going, hating myself more and more as I drink. Its too much but still not enough. I'm not helping myself so why do I deserve help? Sorry, v dunks but I'm ok, gonna go to bed soon.

Wry - thank you so much (and everyone else) thank you for your well wishes for Sunday.

I am doing it with DD and we've both reached our targets but I want to go over mine!!

We went out for a half training session today, it was 19 degrees today, it's due to be 23 on Sunday!! Yikes.

We are going to do it though, for Mum if for no-one else. We've lost so many family members this years and also friends. No more. It has to stop

Night all, off to get some real sleep.

I'll be thinking of you all xxx

Lots of love,

Mouse xxx

Mouse good luck for Sunday!

I've drunk too much this week, just worrying about money, and my mother, and the usual stuff - but shouldn't complain as it's not as hard as some people here have it.

My grandma is 90. I'm 45 (for those who can't do the maths, I'm half her age) do I want to spend the same amount of time again making the same mistakes? When (if) I get to her age, will I have regrets about how I spent my life?

I am really cold and really scared. My friend came over earlier, but he had to go home. trying to pluck up the courage to go downstairs and get the dog. It's just the thought of him being out there and I have his stuff in my house... Not sure what I am trying to say here...

Nighty night Mrs Mouse, sweet dreams! Will be thinking of you on Sunday, may the sunshine warm your weary bones but not puggle you. I have no doubt that you will do it my dear friend! Keep on keeping on, they will be so proud of you and will be beside you every step of the way, xx

claret now you're talking....cookie dough bloat. I'm in. And it's got fruit in! Healthy. I dodged the Witch for tonight and I'm away to bed. I am quietly impressed with myself for my willpower, but in reality after all that bread I just couldn't move from the sofa to the fridge. xx

elba the babes all know I can't sing for shit, my old lovely dogs would also have testified to that fact. But I am singing you a lullaby anyway as you head off to bed. You say you don't deserve help? Wrong. You do, and a handhold, and a bosie. You will feel a bit better in the morning. At least I hope you will or Barrie will be after you to give you 8 tentacles of help. xx

fading well done on your AF day! Weebles are cool you know, no matter what you chuck at them they remain standing. Like the passengers on this bus. We have the odd wobble but keep on travelling down the road. KFC. Yum. Do they still do the popcorn chicken? And the chicken/gravyish sauce stuff? xx

Lala just refreshed and spotted you. On you go, go downstairs, it will be fine, get your puppy. I'll be up for another half hour or so, so check in again to let me know you're okay and pup is with you. Skip toilet training duties tonight, lay a pad or a towel down and it will save you the worry of going outside until it's light. Can you give his mum or one of his friends a ring to pick up his things in the next couple of days?

Once his things are gone, the house will feel like yours again. It will be okay you know, really it will, xx

My word joey, we are burning the candles, eh? As my Grunny used to say, every worry's a weight on yer shooders. Big worries and little worries weigh the same. That's a medical fact. They weigh a tonne. Word. If they weigh heavy on you, they are a worry.

We can but hope that we don't keep repeating past mistakes, and just keep on trying to make each day count a little. And while we keep trying, we are never truly failing. Wir gunnae be aright ye ken, fit's fur us winna ging by us quine. Night night, xx

Lala, I hope you are okay, and that pup is snoring softly beside you, see you tomorrow, sleep tight, xx

Morning all Brave Babes

Rarity you've been on my mind. How are you and how's it all going?

Wry she's a beaut my love. Pretty as a picture and looking soooo innocent I hope today is not too bad my darling. Keep your head high, shoulders back, tits out (fried eggs in my case!!!) and pull those big girl knickers up. Ignore, ignore, ignore, people can be such arses especially when they know they're wrong! Don't let the bastards get you down

Mouse huge luck for Sunday, I hope it goes really well and that the weather holds out x

Hope hugs to you lovely. You made me lol reading about your work do. That was me so many times. Sending you the 'new work, just in time' fairy, she's coming up there to Manchester to spread her glitter all over you x

Ma sounds tough at the moment, I hope your DD1 gets the help and support that she needs. Hugs to you lovely one x

Joey hope you're all ok today x

Lala did you manage to get hold of Woman's Aid? A good question to ask yourself is 'what would you advise your best friend to do in your situation? Write everything down, all that you can remember from the beginning. Rough dates, possible injuries etc. You have reported it to the police, they have a duty of care, if you're not happy with who you spoke to (in that you feel that they disbelieved you) go back and re-report it to someone else. Also did they put you in touch with the Domestic Violence team because they should have done. Do you have real life support? Sending you big hugs x

Halle you are doing so well, keep going, a blip is a blip, re-read some of your original posts - you have come so far

Elba it's ok darling, dust yourself down and get yourself going again. You probably had to face some uncomfortable memories yesterday that you either weren't expecting or weren't ready to hear. Please don't beat yourself up on the drink front. Today is another day and slowly you are working through your stuff. Huge well done x

Baby sorry I forgot to say Happy Birthday in my post to you the other day. Hugs to you my friend xxxx

Claret I almost forgot you there. Darling so so well done, your thoughts towards the booze has changed so much since you first started posting on the bus. You are doing such a good job of being conscious of your actions and the way that they can effect those around you. You are a diamond and a valued member of this bus. Please keep up the good work you have climbed mountains over the passed few months

There are so many Babes MIA - Come back and let us know how you are Sweet, Fox, Beaches (my little sunflower), Guggs, Rural, Khaliski, and so many more, my brain can't remember right this minute.

It is Friday, always a huge trigger for me. Plan ahead, if you can, distract, distract, distract, and 'watch the film to the end'

You will never regret NOT having a drink xxx

lala I hope you got through the night okay

spanna and wry thanks for your kind words. I felt rather shitty this morning, not physically (I hardly ever get hungover – which is scary as it shows how much my body has accustomed to alcohol) but mentally. Miserably self-pitying, anxious, depressed etc. I awoke early to find DH had gone to sleep in the spare room due to my snoring[that’s like a mini-rejection isn’t it? then I couldn’t get back to sleep. And have done nothing but think about it ever since, its just doing my head in. Drank Saturday, Tuesday, Wednesday AND Thursday (can’t actually remember whether I had anything Sunday or Monday – don’t think so, but not sure) Only two-thirds of a bottle each time, but 3 days in a row? Ugh. And the repurcussions – I get the munchies late at night; don’t get enough sleep; sometimes don’t bother to shower.

So, time for a change. Have decided to quit! Am aiming for DHs birthday which is 6 weeks. Have managed this before, and know the first week is the hardest and after that it gets so much easier. Maybe I’ll snore anyway, but at least I will have tried and can do no more. [wibble]

PS. wry your ‘pup’ is adorable! She has a noble head

Weebles might be cool wry but I am most definitely not! I braved the scales today and I've gained about two pounds. Totally my own fault as I drank too much over the past two weeks - too much for me anyway - and the resulting hangover food does not help. Plus I usually feel really depressed which makes me more likely to comfort eat or drink...not giving a good account of myself here!

Anyway Day 3 today, I'd like to do a dry June but I think if I look too far ahead I'll just set myself up for failure. I only managed about 10 days of Dry January then I found out I was being made redundant so though I 'deserved' a drink and never got back on track with it.

joey I wouldn't take your dh sleeping in the spare room last night as rejection. My h snores so I sleep in the spare room simply because I'm evil if I can't sleep. i know he can't help it but I start getting wound up so it's easier all round if I sleep elsewhere.

Afternoon you lovely lot. Me and pup made it through the night, although we were woken by three police helicopters circling the local area, properly freaked me out.

Too many of you to name check have offered me so much support and wise words, ESP over the last few days, and from the bottom of my heart I want to thank you. Even though you are virtual strangers over the Internet, just knowing you are thinking of me, even though so many of you are facing far tougher situations than I am, really really means a lot. You are all so wonderful.

I haven't spoken to women's aid, not sure what they would be able to do to be honest, seeing as we have no DC and he has effectively left my house. Not heard back from the police since yesterday when they rang to tell me he had been released, so not sure when they are coming to get his stuff. Just want it gone, and like one of you said, get my house back to feeling like 'mine' again. Sounds so so so stupid, but I am also a bit worried about him - he literally has nothing on him apart from his wallet and his phone. I need to have a word with myself!

Still in bed. Wallowing like an idiot. Think I need some perspective and to man up. Feeling a bit hungover as well, going to try not to drink today.

Love to you all

Hey lala I'm also wallowing in bed hungover, total waste of a day but never mind. Hope your ok.

Also want to say thanks for everyone's support, like lala said knowing people are thinking about me just makes so much difference and means so much.

Don't remember going to bed last night so must of succeeded in my mission to get to the point of passing out. Not a good plan by any means but I'm realising it was very much a conscious decision, think the phrase 'drinking to forget' sums it up. Really really need to try and not drink today, had a scary amount last night (and while I'm being honest, yesterday morning as well).

I think I'd got so into the idea of finding some real life support, and the person I'd found seemed perfect on paper, but I just felt so uncomfortable. I was actually shaking by the end but felt she expected me to sit there and be able to happily summarise my life history in tick box style, then walk out and just get on with my day. I wish I could carry on seeing my lovely nhs counsellor, but they have extended the sessions to the maximum so I know I have to find someone else for the long term, but the idea of starting over with someone else is a bit overwhelming. I've told her things that I've never ever told anyone and I don't want to have to tell anyone else, she gets it and gets me.

anyway, thank you again for all the kind words, it means so much xxx

Oh elba, I can imagine it's difficult, especially when you have built up trust with someone, and then have to start again... I had post rehab counselling, and I absolutely hated it. Couldn't relate to my counsellor (s) and they couldn't relate to me. It made for a most awkward and uncomfortable hour each time. Is there no way you can get your Nhs one back? Sounds like it was really helping you...

I feel that we are drinking twins (not in a good way!) and I hope you are ok? Chin up lovely. Thinking of you, and all the other supportive babes

Ps I have already had a drink today, and I hate myself for it. Going to take the dog out, dreading bumping into anyone I may know, incase they can smell it on me. In my defence, it's the last day of my completely crap holiday.

Hi spanna I'm ok thanks. Going through some really tough times at work the last two weeks. Got rather drunk on Wednesday night. Then senior management descended the next day . Fortunately much coffee solved my hangover and I'm not in any trouble at work it's a 'situation' that has happened.
But felt like a right idiot, I was not feeling my best at all

lala hope you are ok? You are having a really tough time of it, don't beat yourself up about having a drink. It doesn't solve anything, but now is not the time to set really high standards. It all ends up a negative cycle if you do that. Take it one day at a time. How is the pup?

Oh and I don't know if I posted about DP's toddler temper tantrum on Saturday night? Well he woke up the next morning and denied he's thrown anything at me! Barely got an apology

Good afternoon my lovely babes. Wow what alot to catch up on. Lala so sorry about your situation, sending love. And for everyone else struggling. Im having an AF day today. Yesterday the best man at our wedding turned up with his new girl with some drinks so Yep ... I drank. However I really took my
Time. And by 9 o'clock I was feeling it. Not really drunk but tipsy and I really just did not feel like drinking anynore so I made my excuaes and went to bed with a cuppa tea and some chocolate at 9pm (yepeee) so no hangover today and loving reading my book, in the sun completely AF. Im finding with every time I drink im getting more and more put off. And it's not just the hangovers on my
Mind ..... I genuinely am starting to go off feeling "drunk".
Ive started to analyse how I feel when im drunk (never used to do this) and it's like almost not really a nice feeling actually being "drunk". Honestly ladies, next time
You get drunk I challenge you to sit in a quiet room and really think about what feeling drunk feels like. Really concentrate on it. From
Your head to your toes to your slurred speech and wobbly legs. It really isn't all tbat nice I promise you. You have to really concentrate on it. So im really glad
For this AF day and hoping for a full AF weekend. How are we all
Doing with out intake? Are we above or below the threshold lol? Im
A bit above but so what xx

Love to all,
Halle xxx