Brave Babes Battle Bus

[Halleberry]

New thread girlies as the other was about to run out ... Hope you all find this one xxx

Also baby, just realised how flippant that sounded. Your friend sounds like she was a great person, and that you loved her very much. I am sure she is smiling down at you from heaven (or wherever she is - I am not religious). Courage my love. She would want you to be healthy and happy. And I know you will be xxx

Pps faire you speak the truth. I am trying, I promise I am. But it gets too difficult to not plan around drinking. Wish I was normal. X

Stick with it Mrs Mimsy wishing you luck

Oh baby huge hugs and my thoughts are with you. Your friend sounds like an exceptional woman. Be kind to yourself xx

Not just a boring, moany Middle Aged mum with an ever expanding waist band and ever decreasing dreams.

That sums it up absolutely perfectly. Perfectly!

baby you are so so strong. Even if we take everything but alcohol out of the equation, just the fact that you did not drink today is amazing. Add in everything else and it just shows how incredible and resilient you are. And compassionate and empathetic as well!

I'm so sorry for the horrible loss that you must be feeling. I think the impact of loosing a close friend can sometimes be underestimated, and acknowledgment of grieving reserved for the close family. I hope (and it sounds like you do) you have people around you that can support you with your own personal grief for the wonderful person you have lost.

Sending you lots of hugs

I've totally failed to be Af tonight (although in bed now and not had much) and have work tomorrow...so that's my main rule broken already. Seems to be some weeks I can do it, others I cant. Not even enjoying drinking generally...cant decide if its compultion/self harm/habit...it's very weird and I can't put it into words.

Back home from a couple of days with lovely friends, had a bit of a cry today with her (in sainsburys randomly ...totally irrational response to an innocent question) but as a result she knows a bit more about how things are.

Feel like I'm turning into a massive, emotional baby at the moment.

Hi all,

Had to nc from SootSprite as forgot my password and had to use an old account.

Day 13 here. Got my Diet Coke in for the weekend but it's just not the same. I darent go into a supermarket as my willpower just isn't strong enough to avoid the booze aisles. But I'm plodding on. Off on hols in two weeks and hoping to keep going through til the end of my hols. Not sure what I'll do after that. One day at a time eh.

Hope everyone's having an okay Friday x

13 days is brilliant!well done

Well done Sprite/Lady only a few hours until bedtime and you will have done today as well. Coke is a good choice, the bubbles make it I think. Have you got ice and lemon too?

I'm hooked on an old computer game that I play in the evening if I'm at a loose end. Time flies by when it's just me and my peppermint tea against the world

Claret tonight's the night. We have to push on through Friday. We can do it!! Who else is in for an AF evening?

ma my waistline is only just back to where it was before I went on holiday six weeks ago! But so far this year I have now lost 20lbs. It's a very slow progress but staying off the booze does help. I'm chasing the next lb now as that will make it a stone and a half. Just got to keep chipping away at it.

I am so sad. Boy has gone home for the weekend, I miss him already. Wearing his hoody like some sort of love struck teenager. Off to the shop to buy ginger beer (obvs non alcoholic). Feeling really sad this evening.

Hope you babes are ok

I know I lose weight when I cut out booze, I just can't do it!!!
I'm not huge,but have a big wine belly that sticks out which I hate. Not enough to do anything about it obviously.
I need to lose at least a stone to get to where I should be and probably two if I'm honest.

I'm drunk and overwhelmed. im never angry but think this weird horrible energy I'm feeling migjt be anger.

Recently felt the need to self harm...(not badly. I haven't, and im not at risk...I'm not posting for sympathy or attention,just stating fact). Stuck in a limbo waiting for help that I know is on its way, but between services. And totally overwhelmed

A few weeks is nothing really, and as I'm working I'm apparently fine, and if I don't work I'm screwed...I think I would drink myself away.

I have a huge urge to write things here that its not sensible to make so public but I feel I have friends here...I need to tell someone so much stuff. And while I feel so safe with all of you, I'm reminding myself this is public online.

so many things have been brought up and I want to scream (except I'm too shy to)...I need to get it out somehow?!?!

Sorry yet again.

I think I'm disintegrating a little bit, despite best efforts not to. So sorry. I must seem like a drunk, attention seeking idiot.

Oh Elba, I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. Whilst this is online and therefore public, it is anonymous and therefore, I think, safer. You don't come across like an attention seeking idiot, to me you seem to be a lady who is struggling to deal with some big issues and who needs a good hug (and a slap with a squid).

I know about self harm, I'm a cutter. My gp once told me that my over-eating (I'm a good 10 stone overweight) and my drinking were also methods of self harm. I understand the feeling of self loathing, the disgust, the punishing and also the feeling of sweet joy that the release and feeling of having control that self harm can bring. It's complicated, I know.

You are among friends here.

I'm sending you a big hug this morning. Try not to beat yourself up too much. Come and talk to us instead.

Big hugs for everyone else too. Two weeks for me today. It still sucks ass.

Elba are you OK. You can always PM someone for more privacy but I think this is a safe place as long as you are anonymous. Keep talking. You re going through a tremendous battle but you ARE battling. You now have AF days, are aware of your drink problems and others,and are giving your all to the fight. It probably doesn't feel like it but you have made tremendous progress.

I hope you're ok this morning Elba; it sounds like you are so ready for the counselling and that waiting is becoming difficult but hang on in there. As ma says, you are actually doing great.

If it makes you feel safer, you can namechange every now and again so that all yours posts don't link up. I don't think you've put any identifying information here but HQ will delete any posts that you think might compromise your privacy.

Hi all, ma, faire and lady and everyone else too thank you so much. I'm ok, heading off to work in a bit so had a legitimate excuse to lounge in bed all day.

Everything just feels so weird and overwhelming. A few months ago I started posting here and around the same time disclosed something huge to my lovely GP (she half guessed, knew the right questions to ask and it just came out...took me a bit by surprise as had no intention of saying anything). Hence the initial counselling.

So in the last few months everything I've managed to ignore and push down over the years I think has been uncovered, and I'm also trying to curb one of my main coping methods (alcohol).

It's so so weird for me...I am so closed and private normally. But Im just desperate for people to know now, got so many confusing and upsetting things in my head. Yet the words just don't come out in real life. Which is why, for the first time ever, I'm literally just desperate to get back into counselling. I'm in limbo a bit with very new emotions awakened and no proper outlet for them.

Yesterday someone made a flippant comment about not knowing pain if you've never given birth and I just felt so incredibly angry, like how dare you make that assumption...I'm fucking hurting more than you could ever know. I never react to things like that normally.

Do feel like I end up posting about myself too much sometimes, and I don't want to put anyone else off posting. Or come across as attention seeking. This has literally become my main outlet at the moment, and Im not sure how Id be coping right now if I hadn't found you all.

I need to get ready for work, so will stop rambling. Hope everyone's ok and having a good weekend. Xxxx

And lady massive well done on two weeks!!

Elba, feel free to pm me if you want a safe and anonymous outlet. I've been through a fair few 'unsavoury' things and have had years of therapy to try to process some of the fallout, so I guarantee you won't shock me. I hope work goes okay xx

How's everyone's weekend going?

I'm so sad . Got drunk at my friends baby shower yesterday, so annoyed at myself. Why can't I just bloody control myself, such an idiot.

What the hell am I going to do? I can't carry on doing this.

I really think I need to stop for good. I'm getting worse. Drinking more and more and recently haven't remembered going to bed quite often. But how?? What should I do first? See my doctor? I'm so lost.

I hate hate hate that this is happening. Why can't I be normal. I genuinely hate myself.

Morning claret x I'm sorry you're struggling at the mo. I don't know what the best approach is for you, but how about planning an AF day today and take it from there? And you're not an idiot, you are struggling with an addiction, but you are obviously aware that you have a problem and want to do something about it, that makes you courageous in my book x

Thanks lady, i will definitely be af today. I've looked online and I think a doctor will be able to help - possibly with medication and hopefully they'll offer me counselling. I have been here 100's of times before and I'm just fed up of it. It's just mortifying being the drunk one all the time. It's a miracle I get invited anywhere.

Really struggle to open up to my dh about it too - he doesn't get it at all and just thinks I should stop after one or two, simple as that. It's hard.

You are normal claret. We are all normal but struggle with this dependency, this illness. I can't tell you how to fix it- I had my usual dose last night- but from my experience with my brother ( many of you will be familiar!iar with Richards story) you have to get outside help once you realise you can't do it on your own. I think going to the doctor is a good first step.