Brave Babes Battle Bus

[Halleberry]

New thread girlies as the other was about to run out ... Hope you all find this one xxx

Claret, great idea. Elba, we can do this together xx. I have to do this for my kids, every time I fail I feel like a rubbish mum. I gave up smoking for them, why can't I quit the drink :-(

Your not a rubbish mum mrs...this is just ridiculously hard xxx

How are you feeling Elba? How did the scan go?

You're not a rubbish mum mrs, you are addressing your issues and trying to deal with them. Absolutely nowt rubbish about that.

How are you today elba? lala how's things with you?

Been wondering about halle too...check in if your reading halle!!

Hi to everyone else

Hey all. And hey claret and congrats on doing so well!!!! Proud of you.

Boring day at work today, but weather is lush so off for a quick dog walk before horse duties. Felt rough today. No surprise there then

Really inspired by so many of you who are doing so well, you put me to shame.

Things going well with new man, but I fear it is only a matter of time before he discovers the truth. Was going to try an AF evening but he has suggested going for a quick drink later. It's odd how ordinary people can contemplate something as simple as a 'quick drink' without all the needing to plan for an emergency bottle of wine for afters. How can some people just stop at one? I wish wish wish I could do that...

Anyway, hope you are all well, lots of love to all. And echoing the where on earth is halle comments... Hope you are ok babe.

Will check back in later to see how you are all getting on

Ps I was reading a thought provoking news article, about a man who said he used to drink a litre of vodka and the rest a day.

He said something along the lines of 'I would meet my friends after having drunk that litre, and they all just thought that was me. It wasn't me. It was drunk me, but to them it was normal.' Struck a cord...

Think I'm putting far too much identifiable info on here when drunk just hope no one I know is lurking!

mrs scan was lovely and all good with babies...lovely to be involved. How are you doing this evening?

Am feeling ok today...weirldy no hangover. But contemplating heading to the shop, which is stupid as all I need to do is get through the next 5 or so hours and go to bed. Sounds so simple in theory...

lala totally get the emergency wine thing if going for a drink...that's exactly what happened last night. Which I guess proves for us it's all or nothing.

claret your doing brilliantly, and sound so resolute.

Hope everyone else is ok this evening xxx

The thing about buying alcohol before you go out is that you are actively planning and preparing to drink.

I think that sometimes it is such an ingrained habit that we don't think of it like that. I mean isn't that a strange thing to for a person to do when they are trying not to drink so much?

When you think about it, you are choosing to fail, choosing to regret it and choosing to keep yourself hooked on the very thing that poisons you.

I don't think you can honestly say that you are trying not to drink when you are so obviously making a huge effort to make sure that you do drink.

This is not a criticism btw, just an observation in case anyone is so lost in the fog of addiction that they can't see it.

How do people stop drinking? Well, one way is to not have any alcohol in the house. Drink tea, coffee or something else and go to bed. It's not as hard as it sounds once you've done it a few times.

There are loads of strategies to use; we talk about them a lot here on the bus. But you have to want it. The only thing that blocks us from achieving an AF day/evening/hour is ourselves. So we have to decide. Do we really want to stop/cut down or not? And then commit to the change.

It's the wanting it that's so bloody variable and confusing...every morning I desperately want to be AF and not hungover, just the resolve dissapears as the day goes on.

But looking back over the last couple of months I've had 2-4 af days most weeks. I know there's been big binges in between but those where always there, plus a baseline minimum bottle of wine a night. So surely that's an improvement...far from ideal I know, but better than it was. Or am I just making excuses for myself??

Struggling here too. Just can't do it.
Welcome paws

Made it. So tired, can't wait for DC to all be asleep so I can follow suit and hopefully feel refreshed tomorrow. Deliberately didn't go to the shop where I normally get my prosecco from as that was my downfall Monday / Tuesday. You can do it Ma, and Elba, how are you coping? Lala, Claret, Paws and everyone else, how are you all this evening?

Day 3 done, I'd totally have a glass of wine if I had some in the house but I don't so I can't. I'd second what faire said, it's easier to have an af day if you don't have alcohol in the house. I often come unstuck when H buys wine, I won't intend to drink but if it's there I'll have at least a glass.

Day 2 and I hope that if I manage to keep this up I will learn how to chill out without wine because right now I've run out of things to do and can't imagine being able to sleep any time soon. I think that's why I started my nightly drinking in the first place, just to help me switch off. On a positive note though I do have alcohol in the house and I'm not tempted because it isn't wine. Hope everyone is having a nice evening.

Hi all, really interesting posts tonight - and faire you are so right. And what you said recently about it being just an hour or so to get through really hit home with me...if I can get passed 7 with no wine I know I'm in the clear. It can just be so bloody hard sometimes.

elba you are definitely doing better than you did, but is that enough? From what you've said, if I'm honest, it doesn't sound like it. Others on this bus have been where you are and sound so so happy and well and free now they've beaten the ww. I know it's so easy to say all this and I don't honestly know what you should do next but we're here and we'll support you every step of the way.

lala aw thanks - I feel good but I know that Monday to Wednesday is 'easy' compared to the next few days. Really going to have to pull out all my strategies to get through it.

mrs hope you're tucked up in bed now getting some well deserved rest.

I just can not fucking do this. Have settled for using a much smaller glass and putting less in it. So am on my second glass and will stop at that and go to bed.

Elba you are doing great and should be proud of yourself. Of course it's an improvement. You are changing some habits and proving to yourself that you can have AF days.

Keep doing it and you will find that you can do longer stretches.

My post wasn't aimed at anyone in particular, it just struck me that buying alcohol for later, in advance, even before the drinking has started is like shooting yourself in the foot.

If we want to be able to drink like 'normal' drinkers, we need to be able to stop and not be worried about stock piling bottle for 'later'.

If we really can't do that, then we have to accept that we have no control over it. And we all know that there's only one answer to that - to not have the first glass that lights the touchpaper.

The best strategy is to stay in the moment. Don't think about the weekend, tomorrow or even the next hour. Just concentrate on the here and now and do everything you can to not pick up.

The other great strategy is to play the film through to the end. See how it all plays out after the first drink right through to the morning after, the regrets, the new promise to have an AF day. Who wants that on repeat? Forever. No-one does. That's why we have to take control and really mean it.

I hope this makes sense

Hi all,

Been doing a bit of thinking, and taken on board everything you've all said as well. Have come up with two hard conclusions. 1: ultimately I need to stop, completely, moderation won't happen, ever. 2: I'm not ready to do this right now.

Not making excuses (well I am, but it's well thought out) but I can't cope with the emotional side more than anything of being af even for a few days. I need real life support, and from August I will have weekly therapy for up to a year. I need a real life outlet for things otherwise I'm going round in circles indefinitely I think (and probably driving you all mad with constant self obsessed posting ).

I also need a break from constantly trying, failing and obsessing. So I think rules, damage limitation and not actually going backwards is my focus for the next couple of weeks. So AF the night before work, aim 3 days minimum af per week and try and arrange things for the mornings to side step big binges is my holding measure for a little bit and stay clear of walls

Secretly drinking again in friends spare room so no af night, but mrs well done!

Thank you, as always, for all your support and your honest and wise words. Couldn't of done one Af night without you lot and it means so much

Morning all, hope everyone is ok, today is a new day. Elba I hate the constant obsession over it and then feeling miserable when it doesn't go to plan. Ma, sounds like at least you are moderating which is more than many would be able to manage given all the stress you have at the moment.

Morning babes, new day, fresh start. Let's give it our best shot.

Day 4 here. Slept terribly last night but I seem to remember that happening once ive caught up on the sleep I've lost from drunken sleeping.

Have a good day everyone.

mrs hope your enjoying the benefits of your AF night!

baby I might of got this wrong but I think you said you're friends funeral is today. Either way, I'm thinking of you

Day 4, was woken up by an awful pain in my head. I think I sometimes sleep too soundly - odd thing to complain about - and don't move my head on the pillow. After a while the pressure becomes painful and I wake up with a headache that last hours.

Hi Elba, I had that instant sense of anxiety when I woke up then remembered I hadn't drunk and wish I could bottle that feeling for everytime the wine witch calls. Am looking forward to getting day 2 under my belt as didn't sleep all that well so another AF night should help. How are you today Elba, and yes, thinking of you Baby too :-( Claret, onwards and upwards.

This is wine o clock for me. She is poking me in ear but I don't have any wine in. And I can't go and get any and I am not asking DH to stop on way home so am riding it through. Hope no one else is struggling too much tonight x

Hi babes,

elba thank you lovely lady, it was indeed the funeral today,

Every fibre of my being wanted to drink, free bar at the hotel. I was crying so hard I couldn't catch my breath. I think not only for my friend who lived life to fiercely and with such class but for myself, a person who drank so much I could've died at any point and wasted so much time. I know for certain my life is better without drink but it's hard nonetheless, the first half of my life was joyous, uncomplicated and I believed I would be of great use to this world, the second half not so much.

I guess losing someone your own age makes you look at your own life, mundane, ordinary, at times I forget I'm an still an actual person with thoughts, hopes and feelings. Not just a boring, moany Middle Aged mum with an ever expanding waist band and ever decreasing dreams.

Sorry, bad day for a bipolar overthinker xxx

mrs try and ride it out. You can do this! I am starting AF tomorrow evening, even though it's a Friday... Boy is going back home (different country) for a few days, and i reckon that will help.

baby massive hugs for you and you sound like the most amazing person, so hang on in there my lovely.

elba how are you getting on??

claret, ma, wry et al. Hope you guys are staying strong.

In other news, just let Lalapup off her lead to play with the other dogs, and SHE CAME BACK WHEN I CALLED!!! Super proud.

Love to all, waiting for boy to come over... At my age, probs shouldn't be calling him boy, but hey.