Brave Babes Battle Bus

[Halleberry]

New thread girlies as the other was about to run out ... Hope you all find this one xxx

Morning all,

Sorry I wasn't around again last night, but this time for a good reason, went to see Ross (Terrance Rattigan play) at the theatre and had a lovely, if tiring evening. The bonus was I drove, and got day one done, so I have a bit of momentum for day two.

So, please forgive me not name checking, I'm just going to wave furiously to all of you and send you positivity to get through the day.

Morning lovely Babes

Claret can I just say that you are doing so well look back over your first few weeks of posting - you are so much more positive, you are self-aware of what you're doing and you are making such a difference to yourself and your encouragement on this bus is invaluable, thank you

Mouse great to see you lovely x

Venus hello lovely one, good to see you too x

Baby hell yes honey, it's been one hell of a roller coaster journey. I remember just always getting to Day 2 and never getting past Day 3, it was a killer. It's the whole 'I've done 2 days, I now need a reward'
Your posts inspire me every time & I am so glad you're here to keep us all going. Mwah

Beaches I miss you honey x

Fox please come back - I hope you're still reading - it doesn't matter where you're at with this cycle, come and get some support from us xx

Elba you are amazing, keep going my darling, you are living proof that this can be done. You are slowly getting your head around these AF days, you've said yourself - you feel better, you make better food choices (and actually eat!!!), you get stuff done, you wake up feeling refreshed, keep going with the counselling if you can - did you ask your councillor if they do private sessions? You could use your money you're not spending on booze for this and other lovely things for yourself. Hugs to you lovely x

Sweet can we have a picture of pup please. I bet your garden is blooming. So glad you're back in the fold. You know you can do this, just take it ODAAT & take the temptations away. Distract, distract, distract, you know the drill x

Rural how are you lovely?

Nuff just, Hello lovely. Is DD back from Uni for hols yet? Hope you're all good x

Joey how you doing? x

Hope give it heaps darling, I hope it's all going well - remember start with a soft drink, gives you time to quench your thirst. Head up, shoulders back, tits out and smile

Much love to all - I'm doing my usual starting a post when I haven't got time to name call everyone as I've got to go to work.

Have a good day all - just looked at my app (I don't often do that anymore, I used to obsess with it) I've not drunk for 443 Days, 442 Bottles of wine and I've not spent $6000 (this is dollars) God I wish I'd put the money away. Makes you think doesn't it???

Laters x

Sweet xpost darling - takes so long for me to type. Play sounds good. Go for it darling, you can get through day 2. Rock it Babe x

Your wish, is my command, Spanna . We're off for a walk now.

SweetDog got himself rather worked up chasing swallows this morning!

Just made myself make a fruit tea and eat banana and walnut cake, because the wine witch is already screaming in my ear. "GO AWAY, BITCH"

sweet your pooch is absolutely gorgeous, just like his mam I'm sure xxx

ma you talk so passionately about (soldier ogling) I mean your work and I really truly hope you get the funding you've worked so hard for. You sound like your doing fab with operation weight loss, you'll be an even foxier thistle in no time.. Ps when I typed in foxier it came up dozier, thank god I checked!! Xxx

Big wave to faire, Joey, claret, will, Halle, Lala, Venus, Elba, pink, wry, obrigada, kelper, mouse, inside and everyone else I've missed. Xxx

Ah, Baby, thank you! Last year, when he was much shaggier, our resemblance was commented on more than once .

Just been out to distract myself by buying plants, and discovered that Lidl strong mints in a tin are magic for taking away any ability to taste for about an hour! (I say this as someone who is very practiced at getting through that first gulp sip of toothpaste and wine

baby thank you. I will be gutted to have to hand all this work over to someone else but I can't go on without any money. Problem is I have no commercial acumen. I work with these guys for free because...well, just because. I can help them. But it doesn't keep the business solvent. I got a call yesterday from a contact saying" can I send you two ex- Marines?". Well how, let me think about that for a minute...

Sweet SweetDog is so cute, all grown up and gorgeous

Evening all,

sweet what a gorgeous dog!

claret, venus and spanna thank you so much for your lovely words and all your support, sorry not to reply properly as I'm in between long shifts, but I've read your posts and appreciate you all so much

Day 2 done by the skin of my teeth, really need there to be a day 3 this time as have to travel up to a baby shower early Saturday morning and won't cope if I'm tired and hungover. Just updated my app and realised I've been AF for five out of the last seven days . Still managed to rack up over 30 units on the non drinking days (not so good) and have never managed to get past day 2, but I'm had 48 units less than this time last week. No idea how I feel about it, should be pleased logically but it feels really weird. Actually realising it almost made me drink like I'm in some way being disloyal to the booze, or maybe too loyal to myself, or some other irrational thought process... That probably makes zero sense and I need to try and sleep so I will stop rambling on. Night babes xxx

Morning all.

Quiet night here last night. I hope everyone's ok (not too wet from the storms).

Ma, you are amazing, I hate this expectation that someone who is good at their job also has to be good at finding the money to be able to do it, or actually that you should spend time you should be on that job fund raising.

He is, Spanna, Elba, he has helped me so much with my depression and anxiety, now, if he can just learn to take a glass out of my hand!

Elba you are doing really well, that is a huge reduction, but that thought process isn't irrational it is the voice of a very powerful poison. Keep up the good work and it will get quieter.

Day three for me, I'm not feeling the benefits yet, my skin is being rebellious, hopefully just before it settles down to a healthy glow (please, please please).

How is everyone else? Hope, I know you're busy, Wry how are you and that gorgeous Lab?

Joey, Faire, Mouse, Claret, Venus, Halle, Lala,, Obrigada all the other babes I might have missed because I can't check back without fear of losing my post (and I have a terrible memory at the moment), and Isinde, Fox, Khalisi, Ruby miss you Babes.

Hey Sweet. Just crawled out from several months of tediously repetitive drinking. Thought I'd dip a toe back to see how all youlovely babes are doing, saw the first post was from you and even nc'd me (thank you, thank you for not giving up on me).

So I am staggering back on board to say hello - apologies, have not yet read back, so don't know how anyone is. I will do so now, just wanted to post before I lost courage. I've drunk far too much again, repeatedly, daily, endlessly. I'm functioning fine to the outside world but I'm dying a little bit more inside each day.

I've done five days off now, and am starting to feel more alive again. Too many 'I's' already in this post - will read back now and see how all you lovely babes are. But Sweet, thank you for the lovely synchronicity of coming on here for the first time in five months and seeing my name in the first post (though it occurs to me maybe there is a new Fox cos I have been so rubbish for so long). I shall confidently take it to mean me - and honestly, it means the world in my rather fragile state right now!

small lovely to see you back. 5 days is brilliant. I live in the sidecar these days but don't seem to have the energy to do anything else.

sweet thankyou. On the same day I heard the lease on the office has pulled, I got this lovely testimonial...hope it doesn't out me. It was for work I do with wounded, injured and sick personnel who are having to transition out for all sorts of reasons....

"From the outset Demented and her staff have been engaging and have provided a first rate experience for our soldiers. The expert advice and knowledge provided during the training has proven to be beneficial and insightful to all of those who attended. As a result of training soldiers have become more focussed and enthused, the enthusiasm being derived from the expert guidance given by Demented and her team.

The positive effects on soldiers' confidence as a direct result of this training is tangible, and for that Demented and her team must be commended."

Think I'm going to cry.....

Hi I've been lurking since the beginning and although you don't know me I feel as though I know many of you very well. Managed two years off the booze and the stupidly thought why not... Anyway wanted to say to Ma that you should be so proud of yourself for really making a difference to these ex servicemen's lives - and also leading a team that supports that aim so well. You really are a special woman that not only makes a difference to these deserving people's lives- as well as their families given the ripple effect-but also in your own personal life. You are a very strong giving person and hopefully by paying it forward it will all be reciprocated in time. Anyway a funny thing happened in a supermarket tonight. In an effort to moderate I put two mini bottles of wine into my basket. Woman next to me said she knew me from way back - I wasn't in my home town. Asked how much I drank every night. I said none of your business. She then went off on one. I should get a life and let me hair down and was pathetic. She was 48 and drank every night and partied and I should get a life.. Started off ok but it escalated and she was really angry at the end. I told her to calm down but was a bit bemused and amused - if only she knew.. But it's amazing how she obviously felt defensive or threatened by my "moderate" alcohol purchase which will no doubt be the precursor to a few g and t's at least.. Anyway have a good night all and well done Ma!! X

O4 I am deeply touched at your comment. I hope posting that didn't make me sound glory seeking. I love working with these guys, they inspire me with their can do attitude and make me laugh so much. This week some of them were back in the classroom after break and didn't see me coming in behind them. As I passed behind them I heard "eggs for tits and a small penis" and calmly commented, "excellent name for a business - what's the USP?". Cue much hilarity from his mates and an apologetic " Sorry ma'am!".
I really can't say how much your delurking to post means to me. It has made me not give up! My guys never give up. I WILL find this funding . Thank you

That's lovely for you to say. I've honestly followed this from the first post by JWN and feel I have come to know you all. The thread is not cliquey in the least but am one of the people in life that sits back and so haven't participated. I really really hope that the funding comes through. If not it will be tragic and so many people won't get the support that's really needed. And what comes through is that you also find it really rewarding and have blossomed in your role. But if the worse happens I wouldn't worry about your future prospects as I am sure there will be very many opportunities x

and ps you didn't sound glory seeking in the least. Just rightly really proud to see that you and your team are making a real difference to real people who have sacrificed so much and very often are just forgotten x

Hey babes, sorry I've been AWOL for a bit, as usual life has caught up with me. Been super busy and full of cold, which culminated in a day off on thurs. Drinking is back to square one. Haven't had a AF day since two weeks ago, that's bad, Huh?

Oh and another thing, I had a hospital appointment for something completely unrelated, and something to do with my liver tests (not the liver function which was normal) came up as 7.3, when the normal is 1.5 or something. I am absolutely shitting myself. Have been referred to the specialist unit to have an ultrasound... Obviously the answer to my terror is to drink more. I am a prat.

Not going to name check, as so much as been said since I've posted. But love to all. From a rather scared lala

I am a long long term lurker (5 years?) who rarely posts because I feel so ashamed of myself. I have been drinking too much for all of my adult life and feel I just don't know how to stop. Miraculously my life is ok right now - am married, have two kids and a job I enjoy. But I live in terror of it all falling apart, of failing my girls, humiliating myself and my family, alienating my husband, damaging my health beyond repair. Yesterday I drank roughly two bottles of wine. Today I feel shaky, on edge, anxious about absolutely everything and guilty. The girls want me to get up and in a minute I will drag myself out of bed and get on with the act of being a decent parent while knowing beneath it all that I am so very far from it. Today we are going to a festival. There will be booze everywhere and I will probably feel better when I have had some. And so the cycle continues.

Welcome peckish . Totally understand your post, as will most of us on here. I'm afraid I'm not the best one to gve advice just wanted to say hello.
Wry are you out there? And Margie are you still with us?
Indie check in please babe.

Thanks for the welcome ma and apologies for a very selfish first post. Lala sorry you're scared about your liver tests. I don't know much about these things - hope someone else can advise. I am a prat too. Maybe we can learn to be less prattish together?

lala i totally understand the fear over the tests, it's a horrible feeling isn't it? Did they say how long the referral would take? Sending you big hugs x

ma what a lovely testimonial. You always sound so passionate about your work. Really hoping that the funding comes through.

peckish welcome!

I am also a prat...drank far too much last night, and now hungover on a train to London for my friends baby shower. Meeting a friend first for a drink, but contemplating taking myself to the station pub first as I'm not sure I can handle the underground like this. Such an idiot, just got weirdly freaked out by how little I'd drunk this week which is so stupid and doesn't make any sense considering how bloody hard I've been trying to not drink...

Hi to peckish, completely empathise with everything you described in your first post. The feelings of being ashamed, shaky, anxious and the endless cycle. It's a horrible and draining way to live. Have you got any support in RL? Keep posting on here, the babes really are wonderful, and although I would love to give you heartfelt advice, but it would seem hypocritical of me seeing as I can't seem to take my own! for you.

Waves to elba you are doing so well my lovely!!! Don't worry about last night, it's a blip, and you can get back to being AF and strong after today. Not sure how long the test referral will take, but the cowardly part of me is contemplating not going and just living in ignorance if I have caused myself damage that bad... terrible isn't it, living in denial all the time? Hope you have a good time at the baby shower.

Hi to everyone else, hope everyone is ok and having a good Saturday.

Ps none of you are prats! Just struggling to control and live with a horrible illness. I know a lot of people will argue that it isn't an illness and we have brought it upon ourselves, and I can see their point. But how is it then that we are different to 'normal' people? It is like our brains and bodies are wired differently somehow... You can tell I am no scientist, but hopefully you can get the gist of what I am saying.

I need to go out in a bit to meet my friend with the dog, but like you elba I am contemplating a drink before I go. It is like I can't face the outside world without it. I know it's my fault for having drunk far too much last night, but sometimes it seems easier to just have a drink first, rather than struggle on with the anxiety and fear that follows drinking. Argh, why do we do it to ourselves???

Last philosophical musing from me, I promise. I was just thinking that the worst thing is that we all know how much better life is when we haven't been drinking...

No fear about what we said or did the night before, the no pointed comments about how pissed we were, the no terrifying moments when you realise that actually you have no idea what happened or how you got into bed. Being able to keep on top of simple things like cleaning and washing (at present my washing basket is overflowing - not done any since the bastard ex situation which triggered my drinking spell). I've had a parcel waiting for me at the post office and I can't be arsed to pick it up. The amount of money that is wasted on alcohol, and paying for things when drunk. Losing friends, eating utter crap, smoking too much, losing everything slowly but surely.

Gah, sorry, that was depressing!