Brave Babes Battle Bus

[Halleberry]

New thread girlies as the other was about to run out ... Hope you all find this one xxx

baby I'm also in agreement with you re exercise. I think once you force yourself to do it you naturally want to eat more healthily and mentally it's a big boost. I'm trying to make myself exercise more to help me get out of this self pity rut. If I don't I'll just drag myself through the days and console myself with wine at night. Last week wasn't too bad, I had about 15 units which I know isn't ideal but I feel like I'm heading in the right direction.

Day 2 today, no wine in the house so all's good :)

One small glass tonight as it was all that was left in the bottle from last night. Did a 30 minute brisk walk at lunchtime and a few core exercises and plank tonight.
Am doing a workshop tomorrow for a load of soldiers....ho hum, should be fun!

Hi all just checking in briefly, I've just tried to write a proper post but have had a ridiculously busy day at work and I'm too tired to get down what I want to say in a coherent way. On the plus side I didn't drink last night, and coped with it so so much better than I would of done if I had. im drinking now, but have actually been AF for three out of the last five nights.

baby thank you for such a lovely post and for being so incredibly kind and caring, there's so much I want to say to you but I'm going to post tomorrow, I can't find the right words tonight. Xxxx

Good Morning All Brave Babes

Sweet my darling so good to see you, welcome back lovely

Ma well done for yesterday & have a lovely day soldier oggling

Baby wrapping you in cashmere blankets and hugging you tight, such wise words my darling

All ok here, still sober, still plodding on. I have faced so much of my emotional baggage this past year, it's been a roller coaster of feelings and I'm still holding on tight So many cringes and dreads of the drunken memories, awful Huge eye-opener, what I've realised more than anything is that I much prefer the sober Spanna.

I think you are all amazing - Babes keep going - one day at a time, hour, minute, whatever it takes

Can I join please? I was on a thread someone started in Chat but I appear to be taking it over a bit so I wondered if I could post my ramblings here?
I've always liked wine. I hate beer of any sort, don't mind some spirits but wine is my downfall.
I'm fat (not very but enough that it makes me sad) anxious, sad, grumpy and tired all the time. I'm seeing a therapist because of parental and childhood issues, and i decided on monday to cut down on my drinking, specifically buying wine to drink at home.
I've got several occasions coming up where I think I will be drinking, but I need to learn how to slow down, and not drink all of the wine!
I always have ideas of drinking non alcoholic drinks in-between wine, but those ideas always go straight out the window.
I've not had any wine since monday, but its coming up to the weekend and thats always a wine time, I need to find something to drink instead, but something thats not full of sugar.
Sorry for jumping in and rambling

Welcome Kelper. Got to post and run as must get ready for work but you are welcome here.

Kelper you are very welcome here I also have to post and run, sorry. Stick with us, post when you wish. More Babes will be along soon x

Morning All.

Baby, you are so lovely and wise, and strong, but you are also human and vulnerable, and in many ways, it's that combination that makes more you even more special.

Remember that with exercise (and so much else) motivation FOLLOWS action, not the other way around.

Claret Rainbow superfood is my favourite, but it's taken me a year to train DH to buy it, because he can't imagine why !

Well done on day two, fading, you'll be finding your boing in no time

Dare I ask what the workshop will be Ma? I've got my fingers crossed for a hot, sweaty shirtless one . Well done on the exercise, and just one glass.

Good going Elba, hope you can hold on to the positives and get another day under your belt.

Love and Hugs Spanna, I really must stop disappearing!

Welcome, Kelper, hop on and ramble away. I know exactly what you mean about those good intentions of alternating; I can't do it, but might it work better for you to start with the soft drink? Then at least you might drink your wine more slowly because you're not thirsty - you might even find that you don't want it at all.

Anyway, sorry Babes, I'm a complete fuck-up. Couldn't make it to the end of day one. I had a good day at work (useful training on technology that might actually improve my life rather than complicating it!), happy early evening, and then, I think I just got too tired to monitor myself. "Just one", I thought, but just one turned into 'just three'. I had a shitty night's sleep, and I'm still here on day one again.

So, trying again, ho hum.

Morning babes, Day 1 for me again, had wine last night but finished the evening off with 2 mugs of hot water. Have signed up for the 12 week countdown on SW which came with a lovely journal so it should help if I write down everything I eat, drink and any exercise (walking) I do. So far in 10 weeks or so I have lost 1st 2 and a half pounds

Being constantly stuck on day 1 is boring :-(

Fab elba sounding positive! Realising you cope better sober than not is a great step. I struggle with that - I always think I'm better at life drunk but it's the absolute opposite.

sweet you are so inspiring. You make me want to stop and be happy to stop - you are definitely selling me the sober life. Food for thought.

obrigada I was wondering about you and sw earlier - you are doing fantastically, well done!! Bet you feel really good for it?

mrs it is like Groundhog Day sometimes....keep on keeping on!!

Just to prove the power of you guys. I got up this morning talking myself out of Zumba, tired, it's raining, house a tip... BUT after reading your lovely posts I flung on my gym gear and rushed up in time to do the class. I'm knackered and it's still raining and the house is still a tip but I went, I done it, broke out of my comfort zone, chatted with lovely fellow Zumbette's and came back to a healthy lunch.

Not a life changing event but a step closer to where I want to be so thank you for making me make it happen...

Sometimes the only thing to fear is fear itself (and much procrastinating)

I really do love you guys xxx

obrigada your bloody awesome and really inspiring me in RL, thank you xxxx

kelper your so very welcome and we're all on the same boat (or bus actually). Please feel free to tell us more about yourself and these wonderful ladeeeeees will help you to make the change. Well done for the first step, always a bit nerve wracking but sooo worth it xxx

My phone is doing some funky stuff - messages all coming in in a very odd order!! Apologies if any of my posts make absolutely no sense

kelper welcome, have a seat and get some plans in place. Preparation and distraction are key...

Anyway I'm off to hide under a rock until my pesky phone sorts itself out.

Hi all,

sweet lovely to see you back! Please don't call yourself a fuck up though I'm on day 1 too so we can do it together x

kelper welcome!

drStrangelove thank you for your post. I guess I know deep down you're probably right, but thought of never drinking again is terrifying. But then so is the thought of carrying on... I think I'm just a bit confused, and need to work out what I'm actually trying to do here. Can't quite cope with the thought that those are my only two options, and still hoping that I might be able to find a happy medium, however unrealistic that may be.

baby I had a little cry when I read your post last night, it really means so much and everything you wrote rang true. You say you want to help and you don't know how, but you are already helping me (and many others here) so much more than you know. I've been able to write so much on here that I could never actually say to anyone in real life, and knowing that you truly understand and are thinking of me means more than I can say. I'm thinking of you too, and cheering you on. Thank you so so much

I'm having a little cringe about how many times I've gone into work thinking I'm fine and had 'moderated' the night before, but moderating was actually at least a bottle, if not more, of wine. I've always justified to myself that I've calculated units etc so as not to be over the limit, but if I'm honest I've often had that extra glass and many times I've got to work relieved that I wasn't stopped, which is awful to admit and the fact that I religiously chew gum, eat mints and cover myself in perfume is a bit telling really. I've even thought about it with the inevitability that when I'm eventually caught (which would almost certainly be career ending, especially if on my way to work), that will be when I just give up. I haven't made any critical mistakes at work hungover (yet) but the difference in my ability, empathy and efficiency yesterday when I walked into chaos at 8am was huge. I just can't do it again, I've got too much responsibility and now I've realised this I just feel massively guilty for all the times I've gone when I probably shouldn't of. So that has to change.

Also realising that I'm finding AF days a lot easier, which is a good thing, but after a couple a bit of me panics that I'm almost doing too well, then I drink again. I just have a weird, illogical mental block on doing something positive at the moment, and putting energy into being AF feels like an indulgence that I don't deserve. I can't explain it very well...it's a conscious thing that I know isn't logical, but for some reason I can't get past it.

But I think overall I am doing better, I think medication changes are kicking in too (and in hindsight the settling in of a new dose might of been responsible for me loosing the plot a bit these last few weeks...really should of worked that one out sooner!). I've had some really dark moments recently, and have probably relied on everyone here more than was fair, and I'm sorry. But the support and kindness you have all shown me is amazing, and I'm so grateful. When I first posted at the start of the year I couldn't manage a single AF day, so really the change in me is significant, and it really is all down to the support of all the amazing babes here. Xxxxx

Sorry for the essay didn't realise how much I had written!

Arfternoooooooon, tis me, Mouse

Having just read the last few pages since I last posted, I have almost wet myself at the various car valet/knicker/shoulder boulder holder and other assortment of undergarments being strewn around this wonderful land that we live in and the horror that we cause builders, window cleaners, valet chaps etc. as we do it!!

Thank you for all of the kind words about the RFL I did with DD and about my depression, you guys are my mental crutch rather more than I realise at times. I just have to read and that's enough for this little mouse.

Mind you, "little" mouse may well have to be changed to be to something else the way my weight is soaring...... this nice weather temps out the ice-cream addict, in any form, at any time. And the shame of it is that my DD taught me the most lush ice-cream sundae heaven I've ever had. It involved thick chocolate sauce, chocolate ice-creams, Baileys, cream and crumbled flake on the top. All in a real sundae glass. I had two

So instead of looking like picture one

I'm now resembling picture two (assuming they show up and I've remembered how to post them.)

Do you know how many calories are in Baileys? I drank most of it and then recycled the bottle.

Grrrr. DD is super slim in all of the right places and has THE most fabulous figure. She could eat ANYTHING five times over and not put an ounce on. BBBBBLLLLLLLRRRRRRRPPPP!

Oh Mouse I so remember you telling me to do that a couple of years ago, the minute I read your post I automatically did it . It's great to have you back on the thread. I have really missed your posts xx

A sheepish hello to all you lovely babes, lots of the same names and it's nice to see.....I've had my head in the ground but also getting 3/4 days a week of AF. Just need to sort the weekends. I'll try and see what you've all been up to once DS is in bed!

Just read on another thread posters doing "fuckwit" bingo and my jaw dropped when I read exact things my DH says to me when we row . Although they are saying it in context of separating so maybe I'm ok

Forgot to say

spanna my wonderful friend, Crikey we've weathered some storms together haven't we? In the early days when I was struggling id think of you and the knowledge I wasn't alone in my quest was very comforting. Every time I see a post from you I smile and that's the truth, I luffs ya Sista.

will welcome home, it's great to see you lovely lady.

mouse your a wee Ray of sunshine on a rainy day. Your endless optimism and warmth shines through your every post. Every magical gift we have on this bus is down to you. We owe you everything and for the record, having seen a picture of you, 15 years younger for sure xxxx

halle and lala where for art thou, we miss y'all xxx

Ooh mouse you're back! Have a huggle. Speaking of mice, the general brought home the tiniest baby mouse at midnight last night, which he kindly let loose in the porch. Poor wee thing died of fright!
Slipped on the whole booze, carbs, exercise things to day , after some improvement . Will go to yoga tomorrow.
Workshop with the soldiers was good, sadly not topless as some of the guys were well buff. I love working with these guys ...they are amazing. One quite clearly had a bad back- lots of shifting in his seat and standing up. Apparently broke it in Afghanistan, self medicated with morphine until it ran out, and then got treatment. All said very nonchalantly . It pains me so much that we are out of funding and time to help these guys...

ma glad to hear you weren't topless with the buff guys - or have I mis-read your post?

mouse wonderful to see your voice on here again. Lots of love to you and yours.

baby your posts have been wonderful, what an amazing difference in your life, and elba you too - you've come a long way in a short time. Just keep on going. Especially in those moments when you feel least like it. Never apologies for long posts, or self-indulgent posts. For many of us we have neglected our own needs or hidden them in a bottle, so a seemingly self indulgent post - delivered to a very welcoming and accepting and understanding audience - is hardly anything to be ashamed of, in fact it is probably a good thing and a marking point of a change.

faire spanna alias wry all my friends and all new babes - giving a big wave and a cheer. Whatever you are doing, and however well you think you are progressing, you are here and sharing and that is good. It is all good.

isindie where are you? Come back.

Morning babes!

elba so pleased you feel a bit better, it sounds like you're getting more in control of this as every day passes. As I've said before 6 months ago you wouldn't have believed you could do even 1 af day and now look at you. Just think what you could achieve by the end of the year if you let yourself.

mouse great advice on the food front and all very sensible. I've signed up to weight watchers as a bit of a last ditch attempt to finally loose the remaining baby weight (put on 4st, have best part of 10lb still to go). It's going well so far and boy does it make me realise why I didn't loose the weight when drinking wine!!! Huge well done on your rfl, they are great events for a massively worthwhile cause.

Went to a friends last night with a bunch of local mums and had a glass of wine and drove. Didn't crave more and had a fantastic night, shame it can't always be like that.