I'm not pregnant! An update thread.

[MrsHenryWinter]

This is an update for those of you that might be wondering. I'm not pregnant! I'm so relieved.

I know it was highly unlikely after the MAP and the coil but it's still a massive load off.

Thank you to everyone that has sent me messages after my last thread, it means a lot.

[mix56]

Thank Christ for that. But have you spoken to him about the fact you DON'T want anymore Dcs ? That you will not be tricked. & for the future, you don't need any more time to think & are considering getting sterilised, unless he wants to go ahead with the V? As he is still presumably forcing you to have sex daily & will probably tamper with the condoms again at some point, & then start to ask himself why you aren't pregnant .....

[DuvetDayEveryday]

Thanks for the update. You've been on my mind.

[Lweji]

I've just seen this. Really glad for you.

[Lweji]

Any plans for the future?

[MrsHenryWinter]

Honestly I'm scared of the future.

I feel completely paralysed and overwhelmed.

In many ways I feel very glad to live the life I do. I have a roof over my head and food on the table, these were both things lacking at times through my life. It seems like everywhere I turn there's fear and pain.

[Just5minswithDacre]

You sound lovely OP. It would be a shame to settle for this existence.

You have strength. You have survived hard times. You can get away and be okay if you plan

[Just5minswithDacre]

You sound lovely OP. It would be a shame to settle for this existence.

You have strength. You have survived hard times. You can get away and be okay if you plan

[Just5minswithDacre]

You sound lovely OP. It would be a shame to settle for this existence.

You have strength. You have survived hard times. You can get away and be okay if you plan

[Just5minswithDacre]

It looks like the MN gremlin agrees with me

[Lweji]

It's MN telling you something, OP.

Yes, you don't have to lead a miserable existence with him, nor without him. You can plan to exit and still have a good life. With a nice roof and all. :)

[morecakepleaseImBritish]

I changed my name after posting on your thread and PMing (previously fizzy) you as I was concerned I could be identified.

Really glad you are not pregnant. You sound as though you are a highly intelligent and thoughtful person with a good insight into your husband's behaviour and personality.

We did all bombard you with advice which can be overwhelming.

Only you can make decisions as to your long term future, but one thing I would say is that no-one has a guaranteed future of happiness with roses round the doors.

I'm another who succumbed to the temptation of financial security over being valued for who I am as a person. My ex used to see me in the exact same terms as your husband, either an angel/saint, disobedient willful child who needed to be shown or just an object to make him look good and serve his needs.

I really appreciate how hard it is to leave especially if like me you essentially prefer the quiet life and to keep things ticking along as best you can (I suspect we have similar literature interests too) but long-term, having to manage someone else's expectations and moods is just so wearing.

Why not start making plans for that MA, seeing as that was agreed?

[Honeymoonmummy]

Hi Mrs HW,

I'm another one who was lurking on your previous thread, I didn't have anything to add but your thread really affected me and I've been looking out for a follow up to see how you are. I'm so glad you're not pregnant.

Only you can decide what to do for the best in the future, I can see from other posters perspectives how controlling your relationship sounds and how it is likely to affect your children long term but I can also see your perspective that you feel secure.

Whatever you choose to do long term I wish you all the very best

[PestilentialCat]

So glad you're not pregnant

[SaveSomeSpendSome]

Im glad your not pregnant too!

Did you request for the strings to be cut?

[YouSay]

I don't know the back story to this thread but it is very odd. I think you need a new dh rather then new secret contraception.

[thatorchidmoment]

YouSay: the OP posted some time ago telling us that her husband (who with every post she made, sounded more alarming and controlling), had not used a condom during sex despite her asking him to, and ejaculated inside her against her express wishes. He keeps track of her cycle, and she was ovulating at the time. She believes that he was deliberately trying to get her pregnant against her will.

If you read the other long thread, there is a chilling pattern of controlling behaviour. The OP was given excellent advice, and part of this was to obtain effective emergency contraception, and to get a covert coil to keep her safe.
The OP has plenty of food for thought and has been urged to consider how to leave this terrible man. It's not as simple as you think.

HTH.

So glad you are not pregnant OP, and that you are ok with your coil.

[Lweji]

Yousay is right, though.

The contraception is just so that you're not further trapped in the short term. The relationship should either change significantly or end.

[MrsHenryWinter]

Yousay that pretty much sums up the advice from the last thread

[NameChange30]

I'm so glad you're not pregnant, OP, that's great news. Well done for getting the coil without him knowing.

Please do call Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247, they will help you cope whether you decide to stay or leave.

I think it would also be helpful for you to read "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft if you can. In the library maybe? Or on a Kindle if you have one?

[PovertyPain]

I think a lot of your panic is around what might happen if/when you leave. Step back and take a deep breath. Look at it from the point of view that you 'might' leave. Calmly think about what you will need.
Where can you hide documents?
Every day, do something that will help, eg, get the children's birth certificates.
Take a little bit of money and put it in a secret bank account. Use a different bank than usual.
Cover your tracks very carefully. Always delete your search history.

Don't get yourself in a tizz, but be very methodical in what you do. Just be aware that he WILL start wondering why you are not pregnant. Good luck OP.

[PovertyPain]

You will also need to photo copy all financial documents so he can't screw you over when you leave, and please DO leave OP.

[MrsHenryWinter]

I run the household so I already keep all the paperwork and financial information. I also have access to our joint finances so I could walk into a bank tomorrow and take everything if I wanted to.

[DailyMailAreAFuckingJoke]

I'm so glad that you came back to update OP.

I know there was a lot said on your previous thread and you were a bit overwhelmed.

Please take the time to think things through and if possible, get some help and advice.

[coconutpie]

MrsHW, I'm SO relieved to hear you're not pregnant. I've thought about you a lot since you posted first about this. Please call WA and get some advice. You've got a short term solution to one problem (coercive reproduction) but you need a long-term solution to this abusive marriage. Since you have access to all financials etc, start making copies of everything.

[ItWasNeverASkirt]

I'm so glad to hear you aren't pregnant and that you have a contraceptive sorted out.

I can completely understand the appeal of security after an unstable childhood. But it IS possible to have a roof over one's head and food on the table, and a good and happy life, while living independently.