I'm livid!

[midlifehope]

I wasn't in the room this morning, but 'd'p slapped Ds leg. Ds is 4. I am livid. Apparently ds kicked dp and threw a comic at him, but it would have been very light as ds is a good boy. Ds said ouch and started crying. I said to dp we were no longer spending the day with him. I am beyond fuming to the extent my heart is racing. I am vehemently against smacking as a discipline strategy. Is this the end for our relationship/ family? We've just bought our dream house together but are not getting on well atm.

go for family counselling and try to sort this out.

I don't think it spells the end of your relationship does it?

Have you spoke to him about it?

I think to say is it the end of our family is a bit extreme.
Sit down and have a proper chat.
I understand why your fuming but don't let it get out of control

Really = but what about poor Ds?

So, your child kicked your DP and threw something at him and, in return, got his leg slapped.

And you say DS is a good boy, so the kick would have 'been light' and your DP is what, the Devil Incarnate and battered him black and blue in retaliation?

You may need a talk, with them both, in an age appropriate manner - by which I mean a 2 way conversation with your DP rather than you vehemently and lividly just telling him how it's going to be.

I know, I do! But you may have to re-evaluate your own reaction as well as that of your DP. Both could be seen as an over reaction!

Ok poor ds nothing, he kicked and threw something at a person and he needs a consequence. Stop making excuses for him.

However I agree hitting is not an acceptable consequence and if there is to be a future for you relationship you need to talk and agree parenting strategies.

I presume he isn't ds father from your posts?

I don't agree with smacking but the comment about the kick only being light because he is a good boy? That's slightly odd and makes me think you are one of those parents that doesn't ever tell the child off

You're not getting on well, and he slapped your child. Not a happy combination. Especially as he knows your views but chose to ignore them

I should think your DP is fairly livid himself.

Why be livid? It doesn't send a great message to your 'd's if you tear DP a new one when DS acts up!

You need to calm down.

First of all I would talk to your DS and tell him what his dad did was wrong but tell him he was also naughty for kicking.

Talk to your DH, don't make it bigger than it is.

I don't see a future in this relationship, and not because of the slap on the leg.

DP should apologise but so should ds. Everyone makes mistakes.

Interesting how so many think teaching a child not to be violent is best done by being violent. It would be totally different if it were their kids being hit, no doubt.

Nowt so strange as mumsnetters close to national holidays, true dat.

Yes he's my sons dad. Thing is they're always 'play' fighting and dp can be quite rough with him. I don't think he's taught ds the boundaries of physical touch properly

Who has said that Doreen?

Stop being so dramatic.

Your ds kicked and threw something.

I'm sure he is a good boy but that is bad behaviour. How your dp chose to discipline him is obviously different to what you would have done. So sit down and have a conversation like a grown up.

Sounds like a massive overreaction on your part OP.

Doreen that's what I was think. Dp was hit a lot by his mum as a child and I'm scared he can't help himself / thinks it's normal

I would be furious with my dh, hitting a child is never acceptable even dressed up as 'discipline'. I'd want them both to apologise to each other and an assurance that it wouldn't happen again from dh, and an agreement on how we approach bad behaviour without the need for violence.

Then talk to him about it OP.

Not banish him for the day

Have you never discussed parenting strategies with him then? I assumed he was a relatively new partner.

Children who kick and throw need disciplined. Smacking is not imo good discipline but you need some way you are agreed on to deal with it.

Plenty of us have grown up bring smacked and don't though but sometimes it's all about learning other ways to handle it.

Disagree not a massive overreaction - our eldest dd is 6 we had the discussion pre children about discipline - I don't care what dd did if dp hit her it would be game over. He is an adult and can control his temper and give an appropriate consequence. We are strict parents but we don't enforce standards through violence. I don't get the double standard if the husband had 'lightly' slapped the op everyone would be saying leave but because it is a much smaller 4 year old it is ok?

a slap on the leg is not abuse. nor will it cause long lasting harm. what it may do is make your son realise that kicking and throwing things at his father is naughty and has an immediate consequence. next time his dad says "dont do that or you will get smacked leg" he will think twice hopefully and then the behaviour wont happen, and neither will the smack.

I was only smacked twice in my life by my parents. The warning on every other occasion was enough to make me stop being defiant and naughty. It worked as a punishment.