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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I'm livid!

217 replies

midlifehope · 19/03/2016 18:04

I wasn't in the room this morning, but 'd'p slapped Ds leg. Ds is 4. I am livid. Apparently ds kicked dp and threw a comic at him, but it would have been very light as ds is a good boy. Ds said ouch and started crying. I said to dp we were no longer spending the day with him. I am beyond fuming to the extent my heart is racing. I am vehemently against smacking as a discipline strategy. Is this the end for our relationship/ family? We've just bought our dream house together but are not getting on well atm.

OP posts:
callitdelta7 · 19/03/2016 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
midlifehope · 19/03/2016 20:56

But with language like that I can now contextualise their posts and see why they think smacking is ok.

OP posts:
voddiekeepsmesane · 19/03/2016 20:57

Why post when you have already decided to destroy your family instead of actually acting like an adult and having a bit of communication with your child's FATHER. Nah lets post on MY instead. Unbelievable

Shutthatdoor · 19/03/2016 20:57

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ExitPursuedByABear · 19/03/2016 20:58

#bigwords

Throwingshadeagain · 19/03/2016 20:58

I don't think anyone on this thread thinks smacking is ok but you go ahead with own presumptions and make sure you don't listen properly to anyone, mmm k?

callitdelta7 · 19/03/2016 20:59

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Original poster
midlifehope · 19/03/2016 20:59

Voddie I have acted like an adult but not a wuss. By retreating to think about it, that's very adult.

OP posts:
Nottodaythankyouorever · 19/03/2016 21:00

But with language like that I can now contextualise their posts and see why they think smacking is ok.

Aren't you delightful Hmm

Tell you what, yes leave your DH. He will get contact when he can parent his DC within the realms of the law and you will have no say whatsoever.

IdealWeather · 19/03/2016 21:00

Sorry OP but the 'drip feeding' is changing the situation completely.

If I couldn't trust my DP to tell the truth about a situation like you are implying it (I'm not sure ds actually kicked him), then I would feel that I had the obligation to have a hard look at said relationship. If trust isn't there, why should I even try to stay???

I appreciate that you find smacking awful but I also notice that you are treating your ds as if he voted to do anything wrong and your do doing everything wrong (it's do who has t taught him well how to judge his strength/rough play) when really I'm sure that at 4yo, he should know not to throw a book at someone, nor to kick him (or to simulate the kick it doing it lightly).
On the other side, you are treating your do like if he was a child by 'sending him to his bedroom', sorry excluding him from your day. I mean you've just told a dad he can't spend the day with his child because you say so...
Surely an adult reaction would have been to gave a chat with him, ask him to go to parenting classes or whatever, not to punish him!

Original poster
midlifehope · 19/03/2016 21:02

Ok, I'm going to get some advice from some real people with depth not some uninvested keyboard Warriors. Thanks again to the lovely posters that posted reasonable cmoments. Not to the 'bullies'

OP posts:
whattodowiththepoo · 19/03/2016 21:03

I have only seen 1 poster say that they think smacking is ok, I have seen many posters decide that OP is beyond help and is not interested in any opposing views.

First her son is a good boy so the kick wasn't hard and next her son is a good boy so the kick didn't happen and her DP is a monster.

OP is completely ridiculous and completely unreasonable and for the third time I don't think smacking is ok.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 19/03/2016 21:03

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whattodowiththepoo · 19/03/2016 21:04

#midlifenohope

Shutthatdoor · 19/03/2016 21:05

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voddiekeepsmesane · 19/03/2016 21:05

Have you actually SPOKEN to your DP and your child's FATHER about this midlife without being angry and accusing? Do you know how to act like an adult with him? DP and I have gone through this twice with DSS and DS (ten years apart so attitudes changed) in no way did I ever think that it was worth breaking up my family for. Communication communication communication as my Nan always told me. My grandparents were married for 63 years

Original poster
midlifehope · 19/03/2016 21:05

And I could hardly have a chat with him in front of ds could I? How would that actually work. Since ds had only just gone to bed, it's surely more adult to talk without him listening in. Just a thought for those who think I should have talked about it there and then

OP posts:
Original poster
midlifehope · 19/03/2016 21:08

God what a weird place. I can only conclude this is a paralel universe

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 19/03/2016 21:09

Tell your dp to post when he needs help.

BoGrainger · 19/03/2016 21:10

I never realised before that comments misspelt is cmoments. #findsthreadusefulafterall

callitdelta7 · 19/03/2016 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OohMavis · 19/03/2016 21:11

I think posters are starting to become quite giddy with the kicking, now...

Has he said anything to you, OP? More details, any regrets on how he handled the situation? Anything?

ExitPursuedByABear · 19/03/2016 21:13

What's a paralel universe?

blueemerald · 19/03/2016 21:14

You just seem to be unaware of the third option where your DS and DP are both in the wrong.

IdealWeather · 19/03/2016 21:15

But even if you don't speak to him straight away, you could easily have said
I don't agree with the way you are handling stuff. I want to gave a chat with you about it tonight.
And then leave it at that. Not telling him that he can't come with you for the day

Dont sorry my post wasn't clear. I agree, the drip feeding feels like a second thought.