DH: Selective infantile behaviour

[chalkychopstick]

Currently on holiday with DH and DCs but feeling like I'm going to need another one afterwards and not because of the DCs!

DH is an intelligent, professional person, highly respected by his colleagues, friends and family. However, for some strange reason, he will act like a silly child given the opportunity when nobody else is around. Around his family, a hands-on professional, efficient father- which he very much is at times and I love the grown up that he is around his parents.
When it's just us and the DCs, this just isn't the case, he becomes almost torment-like. Will make silly, loud noises for no reason, will ask me question after question after question, why are you doing this? Why are you doing that? Does the fruit go in the fruit bowl? Etc etc
I find it exhausting with the DCs too and it affects my mood, I struggle to enjoy myself and constantly having to remind DH not to ask pointless questions. By the end of the day I've little patience left and end up snapping and DH and DCs. I've told myself to lighten up, enjoy myself but then I thought, hey this is my holiday too- maybe I want to act silly and shun responsibility. Why does DH get to do this and not me?

I'm starting to think that perhaps DH is subconsciously trying to torment me? Or maybe I do need to lighten up? Last night, DCs were in bed and we sat on the sofa with a glass of wine, watching a film. DH decided to begin shaking his leg constantly, I asked him to stop, he did for a short time and then started briskly again, knocking my wine glass and spilling wine on the sofa. This ended in an argument- DH tells me it was an accident and 'can't help it' if he needs to fidget, ask questions and make silly noises all the time.
Thing is: he doesn't act like this all the time, I've never seen him behave like this infront of his friends or parents.
I dont want to badmouth DH her, but I guews what I'm looking for is coping strategies? I almost think DH is waiting for an irritated reaction from me. How can I cope with this better and perhaps get DH to stop being so child-like? I want to leave this holiday without feeling the need for another.

The trains would run on time !

I'm pretty sure the whole spectrum has always existed. Not much more nor much less. Different people have success in different fields and we need all.

Oooh Handbags At Dawn on here eh??

Well you ladies that have got the hump with me have taken my post all wrong, but that´s OK. Shit happens and I shan´t lose any sleep over it. I´m not gonna write an essay just to defend myself/make myself clearer.

If I´ve dug myself into a hole then so be it, hard lines.

This has morphed into an Aspergers thread it seems, and yet another one where the OP appears to have fled with very little input.

Adios amigos.

OP has probably got little else to contribute as there are so many experts in the field of Aspergers here. And I say this genuinely, not with sarcasm. So many people here seem to be influenced by it in some way, shape or form.
In my own experience of autism, nothing is black and white. My DF was misunderstood for years as a question loving, senseless pain in the arse. However, since working with children on the spectrum, I see it quite likely that DF is somewhere on the spectrum too. Even I mimick some asd like behaviours at times.
What I'm saying is that there's no he is or he isn't, many of us would probably appear somewhere on the vast spectrum of autism.
That doesn't really help the OP though. She still needs to find a way to live with these behaviours whether they aren't or are traits of aspergers. My DF drove his whole family away in the end as it worsened with age, even now I have to limit phone conversations with him to 2-3 minutes as he asks the same questions in the same order each time and it's tiring.
OP: try using the same language each time this begins. Eg "question time is not broadcasting right now. No more please."
Or
" this is my quiet time, being quiet is how I unwind"
use the same wording each time it begins, it may take some time, but it will sink in.

Have skimmed the thread (because I have ADHD and can't give it my full attention :) ) this sounds just like me, i make strange noises, pull funny faces and funny walks, sing songs full of rude words etc etc, definitely worse when I'm stressed. I do Not do it at work thank God! I probably kept a lid on it until dh and i had been together a while. Fortunately he is laid back and lets it go and hell sometimes it makes him laugh, he's never accused me of being abusive!

Son is ASD not like this at all. I do sometimes feel sorry for DH being the only NT in the house but hey never a dull moment. OP is it possible to ignore and agree answer the questions with something equally inane

I think there are enough of us with ADHD on here now to demand that Mumsnet provide an "Ooh squirrel" icon.

Whatever the reason, must be bloody hard for you op, Is s up pretty psychotic and needing to kill him personally /not helpful

(sorry, am very noise / movement sensitive with ME)

Anything but bullying in reference to my post about bullying by filming the guy in the office. He was an odious vindictive nasty piece of work that poked and prodded his Co workers with an energy and venom that no one could keep up with.
He was actually the manager of the girl that filmed him and I'm assuming he never took it further because he knew how pathetic the footage made him look. As for the dickish behavior I'm sure it was a result of his king of the castle belief and he didn't care for the effect it had on his colleagues. He certainly turned it down a notch when I or any of the other managers walked in but I'd known him long enough to know what he was like. Not everyone that displays these behaviours has a condition. Some people are just predisposed to go through life being overcharged irritating knobs that know full well the consequences of there quirky behaviours.

Just to reiterate many of the characteristics the op described were very similar. The stupid noises. The quickfire torrent of questions. He knew how to suck the positive energy out of a room.
Although it does sound like the ops partner may be of a less vindictive nature the sense of entitlement re this is my space I can act like an arse because I know I'll get away with it sounds the same.

JohnThomas, fair enough. Some people are just deliberately annoying arses. Perhaps I'm guilty of over-identifying with them.

Actually, despite my first hand understanding of stims and tics, I think I might need to build a patio.

DS1 is constantly grinding his teeth.
DH has developed a rhythmic sniff, which he carries out while doing his hand rubbing stim.

Makes me , even when he does it in another room!

Tooth grinding is horrific. Build that patio!