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Original poster

I farted in front of new boyfriend this weekend by accident

101 replies

Startingout2015 · 07/02/2016 22:47

We were heading out for dinner and as I got out of the car it just slipped out.
It wasn't quiet.

I am mortified.

We laughed but I was so embarrassed.

Please tell me these things happen .

OP posts:
Mavisblewitt · 08/02/2016 19:12

I've queefed in my other halfs face during a vigorous oral session 😳
Totally killed the moment but bloody hilarious!

AlisonWunderland · 08/02/2016 19:16

I was chatting on the phone to my sister, lounging on our leather sofa, and since I was on my own thought it safe to release a little fart that was building. However it turned up to not only be a larger noisier one than I was expecting, but also somehow the acoustics of the leather sofa amplified it...
"what on earth was that noise? " she exclaimed.
I owned up, and she was horrified. I didnt realise that she had the call on loudspeaker which made it even louder. All I could hear was my BIL who was listening in on phone call, laughing hysterically

moopymoodle · 08/02/2016 19:19

I never fart infront of my DH or anyone else. It doesn't bother me if other people do it though!

wannabestressfree · 08/02/2016 19:36

Trust me you have never known uncontrollable wind until you lose your bowel and have a colostomy bag. I regularly guff in class.... the teens think its hysterical. I just had to get over it :)

TooSassy · 08/02/2016 19:45

But holding them in for 13/14 years? It's a wonder you don't explode and fly off round the room like when you blow up a balloon and let it go.

OMG

On the train home and this had me laughing out loud like a loon! This thread is one for the classics!

WeeHelena · 08/02/2016 21:49

Mavis I queef all the time in face etc Blush I just go with it now haha he doesn't seem to mind too much, newish guy too Grin

Sallystyle · 08/02/2016 22:26

My mum never farts around anyone. I did hear her once when she accidentally did it and how I laughed! She was mortified bless her and it was the only time I have ever heard her do it, she feels embarrassed about the thought of anyone hearing her pee and she was like that with my dad who she was married to for 20 odd years.

I'm the opposite, I have IBS and I fart a lot. If I think one is going to be smelly I do try to go to the bathroom but my husband and children hear me fart many times a day and it's just not an issue, but it was very embarrassing the first time it happened in front of him.

I am not at all embarrassed by bodily functions which amazes my mum considering how I was brought up.

SymphonyofShadows · 09/02/2016 12:34

DP reckons that I can fart in my sleep without any effort or change in breathing to push, he reckons it just falls out Blush

tkndnv · 09/02/2016 12:47

I farted for the first time in front of my DP after FOUR YEARS at the weekend. We both politely ignored it. I keep reliving it though. How could I have been so careless?

Topseyt · 09/02/2016 12:58

After having a crap couple of days, this thread has me laughing again. Grin I do love a great fart thread.

I am not bothered about farting in front of DH. He farts around me now too. Only our DD3 ever tells us off for it.

I am from a family where farts were accepted as a fact of life and joked about. DH was from one where the opposite was true and you virtually had to pretend you didn't even have a bum. It took me a while to work on DH, but he eventually relaxed about it all.

I have given birth in front of DH three times, twice naturally and once by caesarean. Farting is as nothing by comparison. He has seen me at my least dignified and to be fair to him he hasn't flinched.

Everyone farts. Even the Queen. I wonder how she deals with the need to fart in public? It must have happened over the years.

ToastDemon · 09/02/2016 12:58

I had been seeing my now DH for about a year and diligently didn't fart in front of him. One morning, after a heavy night out, he was kindly making me a cup of tea. Ideal opportunity to slip one out, or so I thought. Unfortunately, as I'd been drinking heavily the night before, it absolutely stank.
He blamed the smell on the fact that I'd held it in for a year and said for god's sake to fart sooner next time before another odour like that built up Grin

ButterIsAngelSpunk · 09/02/2016 13:07

Vocational, at least you were out cold. I had to have an emergency c-section and as the anaesthetist was increasing the epidural and asking me if I could still feel my legs, my muscles must have relaxed so much that I let one rip. I mean it was horrendous, reverberating off the operating table. Everyone went silent. And to top it off it was pretty pungent too.

Aramynta · 09/02/2016 13:27

Within the first month of dating me and DH had farted in front of each other. In fact, he had even farted in my face by then.

Let the farts flow people, and so will the love!

wideboy26 · 09/02/2016 13:40

If the Queen tears one off, she just blames the corgis.

I never fart in front of my wife. I always let her fart first.

HotNatured · 09/02/2016 14:36

I never ever fart in front of anyone, not even my sister or best friend, so I will never fart in front of DP, it just won't happen. I would wither away and die if it did ! I really wish I wasn't so silly about it, but having said that both DP and me think that gross bodily functions, like farting and pooing should be kept private, yes I know it sounds prim and precious, and these things are 'natural' but we just believe that maintaining an air of mystery is important. No one will ever convince me otherwise, it's just how we are made and what turns us on, or indeed, off, in this case..

helenahandbag · 09/02/2016 15:27

I've been with DP for four years and I've managed to never fart in front of him. Well, I accidentally let one go a couple of weeks ago but it was silent and even after he sniffed a couple of times, he still didn't suspect it was me. In fact, even worse, he asked if the dog had gotten into the bin again Blush

helenahandbag · 09/02/2016 15:39

I've managed to get away with it once before, actually! I had a really dodgy stomach and I let off in bed one night. I was only half asleep and the smell (oh god, the SMELL!) woke me up properly. DP woke up too with a groggy, "ugh, what the fuck is that?" so I told him that he had farted. He apologised and went back to sleep Grin

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 09/02/2016 15:45

DH and I never used to fart in front of each other before marriage. Now I have the ring, the gloves are off! He is not from the UK but I have taught him to sing the "listen to this, too good to miss! Tra la la la" Johnny Fartpants song and he has also learnt what happens when he pulls my finger! Grin We compare notes after curries. So much for our air of mystery!! I love him to bits though Smile

Topseyt · 09/02/2016 17:59

Ah yes, the Queen could blame her corgis, though she doesn't tend to have them with her when on official engagements.

I have been known to blame my labrador for my farts and can sometimes get away with it. Grin He doesn't actually fart very often, but when he does get started his farts could clear the Royal Albert Hall.

wideboy26 · 09/02/2016 21:26

The truth of my situation is that my farting equipment was removed when my colon was taken out. I now have an ileostomy which burbles now and again, but barely audibly. So I can genuinely claim never to d'Oyly Cart in front of my wife. Fact.

TooSassy · 10/02/2016 06:57

I love this thread.

Still crying laughing. However am now nervous about the fact that I have to meet someone new and go through all of this all over again.....ShockGrin

TheWhoreOfBabyliss · 10/02/2016 07:11

My dog often sits on the lino and his sphincter must make a seal or something because he will do a proper 'BloPPP' and jump up and quickly look at the area of the floor where his arse had been as if expecting to see a frog or something. I am childish and laugh to the point of helplessness at this I'm afraid!

helenahandbag · 10/02/2016 09:58

My dog farted while jumping onto my lap two nights ago and it was HUGE considering he's only 7kg and the size of a loaf of bread. I burst out laughing and he didn't even have the grace to blush!

SlowFJH · 10/02/2016 10:22

Have you read " Fart is a Feminist Issue "?

I am raging with anger that so many posters feel embarrassed and repressed by a perfectly natural bodily act. I blame the patriarchy. Until women rise up and reject the societal pressures and childhood conditioning about what "naice girls do / don't do" - nothing will change.

OP you should LTB now. This man is repressing you and your colon.

MaitlandGirl · 10/02/2016 10:51

I have terrible IBS and I'm lactose intolerant but for some reason I can't resist KFC soft serve ice cream.

4 years ago I was in a pet shop with DP just after eating at KFC and let out this awful fart - silent, but extremely pungent. Another customer told the staff that the puppies must have terrible bowel issues as the smell was that bad.

DP now knows that when I say "we need to leave NOW" I really mean "we should have left 5 mins ago!"

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