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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I farted in front of new boyfriend this weekend by accident

101 replies

Startingout2015 · 07/02/2016 22:47

We were heading out for dinner and as I got out of the car it just slipped out.
It wasn't quiet.

I am mortified.

We laughed but I was so embarrassed.

Please tell me these things happen .

OP posts:

JellyTotCat · 08/02/2016 01:28

Ha ha at "OMG, what filthy beast has dared to pass gas?? What a strange creature she must be. I'd NEVER do something like that."

bbpp · 08/02/2016 01:48

I went on a date, first time meeting him, and as I sat down I farted. That has NEVER happened to me before, I was mortified.

He span round and gave me a shocked look then laughed. We've been together 14 months now so I think you should be ok.

These things happen.

Notgivingin789 · 08/02/2016 01:52

Vocational goat, your post made me laugh so much! I've never had a good laugh in ages.

Notgivingin789 · 08/02/2016 01:53

VocationalGoat your post made me laugh so much. oh my goodness!

Millliii · 08/02/2016 02:19

This thread has had me laughing so much. DH has had to turn the TVs up

HomoHeinekenensis · 08/02/2016 03:52

When I hadn't been with my now DH five minutes and only had about three dates, I had to go for colonoscopy and a barium enema and imaging and he insisted on taking me. I tried to say, 'Noooooo, I'll be fine', etc. but he wouldn't have it. After the procedure I was pointed in the direction of the bog they then expect you to evacuate your chalky inflated bowels into and I was mortified to see that he was sat right next to it, waiting for me. I went in and spent the next twenty minutes brutalising the porcelain in an otherwise apparently silent part of the hospital. I wanted to die of embarrassment. It was hell! Nothing short of roadworks with heavy plant would have covered up that sound. I came out and immediately apologised but he maintained a sweet earnest expression.
We have been married 14 years now and have competitions on length of sound, rankness, ability to cling to soft furnishings, surprise factor etc. It's also normal to say 'Marrow', directly after, like the postman in the Victoria Wood sketch. No wonder the neighbours moved out .

TooSassy · 08/02/2016 05:29

Howling laughing at this!

Thank you thank you thank you MNetters! I don't think I've laughed so hard at a thread on the relationships board, ever!

spamalooot · 08/02/2016 07:02

Nothing short of roadworks with heavy plant would have covered up that sound.

have competitions on length of sound, rankness, ability to cling to soft furnishings, surprise factor etc.

Pissing myself laughing here

WeeHelena · 08/02/2016 08:20

I did this just recently with someone iv only been seeing a short while.
I was sitting on my kitchen bunker and we were chatting and it just came out very clearly.
I just cried with laughter and he joined in.

Offred · 08/02/2016 08:37

Ha ha ha!

Oh dear, worse things have happened!

I go for a shit while my BF is in the bath... Ha ha ha!

JellyTotCat · 08/02/2016 09:33

Why did the postman in the sketch say "Marrow?"

Notasinglefuckwasgiven · 08/02/2016 09:40

DP farts like a sodding trooper. Healthy diet. In our house now it's a laugh it off and poke fun at the smell but let it go. It happens. I ley rip in a tenement once as an unwell teen working as a postman. It was rank. The little old lady coming up the stairs behind me kindly commented on " bad drains " and carried on

WizzardHat · 08/02/2016 09:59

Hygge

Fart power!

I have coeliac and most of my friends have gut issues of one kind or another. We keep the windows open.

Hygge · 08/02/2016 10:04

MrsC and Wizzard I know.

I sounded liked one of those little mo-ped bikes "putt-putting" at speed down the slope, but standing upright like a snowboarder.

Filmstar01 · 08/02/2016 10:25

I'm weak with laughter reading this thread

Binders1 · 08/02/2016 11:52

Vocational (grin).

After three months with my bf at the time, we went on holiday to the Dominican. I had a really dodgy tummy and I mean dodgy! Bf was in the loo for AGES, I did not know what to do and I was jigging around. I knew I had to do something. I had called out to ask how long he was going to be and that I really needed to go. I was considering whether I could even walk out of the hotel and go round the back in the bushes when I shat all over the floor. It was AWFUL, the mess and the smell. I'll never forget the look on his face when he came out - but we were together for the next 9 years! A fart is nothing OP!

stinkysnowbear · 08/02/2016 11:55

DP let rip accidentally whilst still inside me a few days ago. We both found it hilarious. Worry not.

pocketsaviour · 08/02/2016 12:37

Hahaha, some of these are hilarious!

My ex was a bit po-faced about toilet/farting/etc so I always tried to hold it in around him. Sadly this meant I invariably let one rip at the point of orgasm... while he was giving me oral. He used to leap into the air in shock, EVERY TIME. You'd have thought he'd have got used to it after the first dozen times...

pennyapples · 08/02/2016 12:50

When I had been together with a boyfriend for about a year and was totally and utterly in love with him but terrified it wasn't mutual, I wanted to have a chat with him about our future over dinner. I got very, very drunk to make it easier and took a benzodiazepine as I had them at the time for my anxiety.
We went home, to bed, and he woke me up at about 2am because I had basically completely soiled the bed. Proper poo everywhere.
He changed the sheets and mopped me up. I was utterly mortified and stayed in bed the next morning just cringing until he brought me a cup of tea and told me to get over it. I wanted to dump him. He wouldn't let me. That was 9 years ago. We have been married 4 years now. I crapped myself both times I gave birth too.
True love is not to be deterred by a little poop!

tingon · 08/02/2016 12:55

I've never farted in front of DH. He thinks he heard me once about ten years ago. I assured him he was mistaken.

TempusEedjit · 08/02/2016 13:06

Farts never deter true love

That sooooo needs to be on one of those "inspirational" fridge magnets or little plaques that you get in twee gift shops and garden centres.

hairymairyfromthedairy · 08/02/2016 15:25

Oh Tempus it so does

SmashingInAthleticWear · 08/02/2016 16:49

Haha I farted in bed on our second night together. And both of us spent most of this Saturday farting after Friday night's curry.

I think the only men who would be at all bothered by it are twunts with ridiculous outdated ideas about being "ladylike". And they can quite frankly fuck off.

grimbletart · 08/02/2016 17:20

i have never ever understand how you can have sex with someone - the most intimate you can be with someone - and be embarrassed by farting.

In any case if you ever have an operation for piles, you will just have to get over your blushes. Farts are simply impossible to control after that (or else I had a lousy surgeon). Friends who have had the same op have confessed they have the same problem.

But holding them in for 13/14 years? It's a wonder you don't explode and fly off round the room like when you blow up a balloon and let it go.

Original poster

Startingout2015 · 08/02/2016 18:52

thank you all for making me feel better!

I just have to learn how to poo when at his house now.

I've stayed over for long weekends sometimes and still manage to hold it until I get home !!

OP posts:

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