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Original poster

silly childish in laws

311 replies

sphinxster · 30/01/2016 13:24

I've posted about this previously: in laws "devastated" and ignoring us because dh and I gave ds my surname as well as his/theirs.
DS is now 4 months old and they're still giving us the silent treatment. DH messages them updates about ds and sends photos. They've recently decided they want to Skype once a week to see ds (we live overseas). So once a week we have these awful silent Skype sessions where they won't acknowledge dh ( I don't get involved).
Talking to dh today that I really didn't like it and how long was he going to allow it. He says he doesn't want to stop them seeing their grandchild and wants to be the bigger person. I think they're the ones that are stopping themselves from seeing their grandchild and they should only be allowed to see him if they are willing to show some respect to his parents/us.
I'm really pissed off about their behaviour and even though he's too young to know what's going on, I don't want him exposed to this ridiculous behaviour.
WWYD? AIBU?

OP posts:
Threefishys · 30/01/2016 13:29

Your child is not a tool and his grandparents should see him via Skype and vice versa. Your husband is doing the right thing.

dementedpixie · 30/01/2016 13:32

I think they should grow up and if they want to see the child then they can speak to the child's parents like normal adults would.

PrimalLass · 30/01/2016 13:34

They have gone in the huff because of his name. That does not sound like people I would want around my children.

dementedpixie · 30/01/2016 13:34

how does Skype work with a Non-verbal baby with no contact between the adults anyway? Sounds bizarre

sooperdooper · 30/01/2016 13:36

They're being utterly ridiculous - I wouldn't bother with the Skype calls until they'll chat like normal human beings

Oldraver · 30/01/2016 13:39

I dont think you can expose your son to people who disrespect its parents.

Your posts about them make them sound barmy

Original poster
sphinxster · 30/01/2016 13:40

Dementedpixie it is bizarre. They occasionally say his first name in a monotonous tone and then hang up after 20 minutes. DH just holds the iPad so they can watch him!

Their reaction to him having my surname is totally irrational and unreasonable. They're being cruel to dh.

Our friends recently lost their baby to sepsis who was a similar age. My dh organised all the admin and funeral for him. He text his parents about how difficult it's been and got no response. Our own ds has a small hole in his heart that we got checked at 3 months. Again he text and got no response.

And why are they treating their own ds this way? Because he gave his own son both our surnames!!

OP posts:
abbsismyhero · 30/01/2016 13:40

i would interfere and tell them in no uncertain terms they need to get a grip yes your child is young and unnoticing now but what about when they get older and notice this childish shite put thy foot down or risk setting an everlasting precedent

just my opinion Flowers

hesterton · 30/01/2016 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsKCastle · 30/01/2016 13:42

I agree with you. They can't build and maintain any kind of relationship with their GS unless they can at least hold a civil conversation with his parents. I'd send photos and email updates, but if they want to Skype a baby ( Confused ) then they must show that they can communicate politely.

Original poster
sphinxster · 30/01/2016 13:46

MrsCastle exactly! Thinking of the future, how will they ever have a relationship with him if they can't be civil to us. Do they expect us to drop him off at their house and leave him there? They may be his grandparents but they'll be total strangers to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
sphinxster · 30/01/2016 13:46

MrsCastle exactly! Thinking of the future, how will they ever have a relationship with him if they can't be civil to us. Do they expect us to drop him off at their house and leave him there? They may be his grandparents but they'll be total strangers to him.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityyhat · 30/01/2016 13:50

Are they exceptionally old fashioned or just plain strange? Or from a different culture? Are you sure it's all to do with the name thing?

It all sounds so bizarre!

Original poster
sphinxster · 30/01/2016 13:54

I just want dh to see that there's no point trying to hold the moral high ground with these people. That it's their behaviour that's preventing the relationship and not ours.

I think a very assertive 'you have to move on from this' email needs to be sent and then if they're still playing silly arses we need to tell them that we're not willing to expose ds to people who have no respect for us... But, they're not my parents.

OP posts:
GabiSolis · 30/01/2016 13:58

It all seems very odd. Is there a back story of weird behaviour? Is DH the only boy by any chance, and they are worried about the family name being carried on? Not that that makes it acceptable but just trying to understand.

Original poster
sphinxster · 30/01/2016 14:02

Bibbity They're British but very traditional. They claim it's only to do with the name and haven't mentioned any other issues.
I wish I knew how to link the previous thread.
They did want to come out to visit us straight after his birth but (before he was born) we asked them to wait for a few weeks after his due date to allow us time to settle into parenting. He was 4 weeks early by emergency caesarean and a week in NICU and I had an internal bleed. My parents flew out straight away to help me as dh only had one day paternity leave (and because they were scared shitless about their own dd). We then asked them if they'd like to come and spend his first Christmas with him and they said no. So, there might be other issues but they haven't mentioned it and we're not mind readers.

OP posts:
Original poster
sphinxster · 30/01/2016 14:02

Bibbity They're British but very traditional. They claim it's only to do with the name and haven't mentioned any other issues.
I wish I knew how to link the previous thread.
They did want to come out to visit us straight after his birth but (before he was born) we asked them to wait for a few weeks after his due date to allow us time to settle into parenting. He was 4 weeks early by emergency caesarean and a week in NICU and I had an internal bleed. My parents flew out straight away to help me as dh only had one day paternity leave (and because they were scared shitless about their own dd). We then asked them if they'd like to come and spend his first Christmas with him and they said no. So, there might be other issues but they haven't mentioned it and we're not mind readers.

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 30/01/2016 14:02

You and your H need to to stop enabling this behaviour. Putting a 16 week old baby on Skype but ignoring the adults is truly weird and unhealthy. They are not your parents but you are your son's parent.

Original poster
sphinxster · 30/01/2016 14:03

I don't know why I'm double posting every bloody thing!

OP posts:
Original poster
sphinxster · 30/01/2016 14:08

DH is one of three boys. One dbil has a step daughter and one dbil and his wife are having fertility treatment.

PILs made a comment before Christmas about our ds being "our only blood grandchild", that was nice Hmm

OP posts:
HarmlessChap · 30/01/2016 14:09

TBH its between your DH and his parents, if he can tolerate their pathetic behaviour then he's doing the right thing and being better than them. He isn't closing any doors and is leaving the way open for them to stop behaving like idiots.

Let him know that he's unhappy about how they are treating him but let him manage his relationship with his parents himself.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 30/01/2016 14:09

I have been the adult child bending to ridiculous demands from controlling and abusive parents, and telling myself it's about 'being the bigger person', although what's really at the heart of it is that it's so hard to imagine doing anything other than obeying if one has been brought up like that.

It eventually got too much to bear. My children and I don't see my parents. (And it was about groundless extreme disapproval of my dh, so a theme here).

Your dh will need to come to this realisation himself, but he needs to hear that these are not, atm, proving thenselves grandparents worthy of the term.

Fadingmemory · 30/01/2016 14:09

Your ILS are indeed childish and should put up with your choices and say nothing. Your DH is indeed the bigger person. I would not stop ILS Skyping the grand children. The ILS may learn to behave eventually, however unlikely that seems. Completely understand your irritation/anger.

PhoenixReisling · 30/01/2016 14:13

I remember your thread before when this kicked off.

I'm sorry how old are they? They are acting like children!

I would put a stop to these ridiculous Skype sessions because the only people benefiting from it are your DH's parents. If they have no respect for you both, are happy to ignore you then they don't deserve to see your DS.

Send them an email. Tell that this ridiculousness needs to stop now otherwise they will not hear from you both (no updates, no Skype sessions, no visits).

This may seem harsh but they need to learn that this behaviour will not be tolerated.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 30/01/2016 14:24

Horrendous situation, I can imagine the awfulness of those Skype calls. Shudder.

Although children shouldn't be used as tools and that's why grandparents shouldn't be attempting to cut out their own son yet also expecting the son to collude in this with the silence Skype calls where he holds up the iPad to show them their grandson ... It's weird, not in any way excusable, and it's very very off that their adult son is allowing them to treat him like this.

The lesson he is teaching his son is mindbogglingly disrespectful and odd.

I hope he realizes how dysfunctional this situation is and uses his power to change it vs passively agreeing to it. Ugh!

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