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Original poster

If your dp thought you wouldn't find out..

210 replies

Followyourart · 30/12/2015 09:23

Do you think they would sleep with someone else, if they had the opportunity and we're sure you wouldn't find out?
Because I think that mine would, and I'm not sure what that days about my relationship....

OP posts:
NickiFury · 31/12/2015 16:48

I don't believe ALL men would, but having worked in a number of very male dominated environments I would put the number that would at around 90%. Even the most stand up guys who phoned their wives every night while away and mope around about them had women they were writing to or emailing and meeting up with on the side. There was one that I truly believed to be devoted to his wife and I was telling my friend this when she got awkward with me and confessed that he and she had had a ONS. She was single, he married with two kids, one a very small baby. That happened a few times, me thinking someone was a good bloke only to hear later of various escapades. They were pretty much all at it.

HelpfulChap · 31/12/2015 16:57

firesidechat

My wife and I are the same. I think it is quite sad, for whatever reason (many with good cause it seems), that a large percentage of people have lost that trust with the opposite sex.

Rainbowlou1 · 31/12/2015 23:50

This thread has made me so sad...I trusted my H 100% for so long...I thought we had the perfect relationship and friendship, many of our friends have forgiven cheating partners and we had always been so solid in our loyalty to each other and views on it.
Until he of all people betrayed me and now I don't think I'll ever trust anyone again, and don't know if we actually do have a future we can work on.
Sorry to anyone going through this because it is utter shit x

ItsASecret2013 · 01/01/2016 13:51

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sofato5miles · 01/01/2016 13:55

Same with women Itsasecret. They may not want to with a rational mind but a drink or two and being wired for mating opportunities tends to make things happen.

HolgerDanske · 01/01/2016 14:00

It's isn't a sad thing, it's just a matter of accepting that that's the way it is and that's ok. Many, many men and women never will cheat, because they know it's an awful thing to do to the person they love and they feel strongly about fidelity and respect and the vows of love and faithfulness that they made. It doesn't matter that they might be that way inclined on some level, because in real terms it's not going to happen.

sofato5miles · 01/01/2016 14:11

Not name changing and saying, I would if I could. However, am depreciating rapidly aging fatso hag and am never on my own, so HUGELY unlikely.

naughtyjezebel · 01/01/2016 14:12

I agree with itsasecret, though I would put it at about 90%

Does it matter though?

I mean really? Is it the end of the world?

I say this as someone whose husband cheated on me once (or rather tony knowledge once) and who has also (very occasionally) cheated. It didn't diminish my love for my partner, because it was just sex.

I think Italians, Spaniards, the French and many other cultures have a more laid back attitude to extra marital sex than the Brits do.

If your partner (male of female) made a "mistake" once, got drunk and had a sexual encounter, would you really throw your entire relationship away for the sake of one silly mistake? Particularly if you have children together. Would you break up the family home for the sake of one mistake, just because it is a sexual mistake? We all make mistakes and many mistakes are far worse than getting drunk one night and shagging a stranger who we will never see again.

FredaMayor · 01/01/2016 14:21

99% of guys would cheat if it was guaranteed that you'd never find out. anyone who thinks their partner is in the 1% that wouldn't is delusional, and any guy that claims to be in the 1% is lying.

I'm not sure I get the logic of that, ItsA. If a person doesn't cheat because they don't want to be caught, why would that be? If the reason is so they do not hurt their partner/DCs or cause the end of the relationship why do something that will have that negative effect in the first place, bearing in mind that in the real world there is a possibility of getting caught?

I think people cheat because they are bored and the possible penalties are acceptable enough to them, although its quite funny how indignant they get when found out, as if that was not in the rule book. The internet has made it easier to cheat and much easier to catch the cheater. IMO there is no such thing as 'no chance of being caught', there is always a chance.

AnyFucker · 01/01/2016 14:24

Nj, yup

0phelia · 01/01/2016 14:34

Clients of prostitutes are majority (approx 90%) married men.

FredaMayor · 01/01/2016 14:34

We all make mistakes and many mistakes are far worse than getting drunk one night and shagging a stranger who we will never see again.

In that case jezebel why do we marry or live with someone at all? Why not just live in wandering tribes shagging whoever, whenever? Its those people who do see merit in families and fidelity that hold society in general together for the common good.

IMO it is an outworn cliché that certain other countries place a higher value on fidelity. If divorce were easier there I think you would find they were just the same as the British under the skin in terms of the value of fidelity.

daisychain01 · 01/01/2016 14:34

Nope. 100%.

We have both been through significant heartache and health scares to get to where we are today.

No way would he (or I, come to that) destroy a fabric that, once torn, can never be sewn back together.

daisychain01 · 01/01/2016 14:40

To be honest, 99% of guys would cheat if it was guaranteed that you'd never find out.

I just love these spurious statistics (and the validating "to be honest" which in itself meaningless!) that are suddenly created, as if by magic, to justify a position. Suddenly a world expert on statistical evidence about male attitudes to fidelity are we?

One word, utter bollox.

sofato5miles · 01/01/2016 14:41

I don't believe that marriage is just about love and trust. It protects capital and society's stability.

daisychain01 · 01/01/2016 14:41

Ah and it's a bloke who says it, so it must be true, because they are a bloke.

Jesabel · 01/01/2016 14:42

I think he probably would Grin

He'd feel awful about it and end up telling me though!

I definitely would!

sofato5miles · 01/01/2016 14:43

And I buy into that. But, if I am utterly honest, no-one else's infidelity shocks me so why would it closer to home.

daisychain01 · 01/01/2016 14:54

One word = utterbollox

😂

MiniTheMinx · 01/01/2016 15:28

This is a ridiculous question, I wouldn't know about it!
For all I know, he has, he is and he will. Or he hasn't, he isn't and won't.
Of course I hope its the latter, but even so, if I don't know I can live happily in ignorance with trust, or live unhappily with ignorance and fear, I choose the former.

HolgerDanske · 01/01/2016 15:32

I think a better way to put it would be 'many/most people might on some level consider an indiscretion of some degree - not definitely sleeping with someone, necessarily - if it was absolutely guaranteed that no one would be hurt/harmed/put at risk in any way.'

firesidechat · 01/01/2016 15:50

These threads always, without fail, follow the same sad formula. I see the random male has turned up to tell us that, yes all men will cheat if they can and that wives/partners who think otherwise are deluded. So boring. Not to mention insulting to all the decent men out there.

firesidechat · 01/01/2016 15:57

Clients of prostitutes are majority (approx 90%) married men.

Maybe so, but that doesn't mean that 90% of married men visit prostitutes.

And yes I would end my marriage if my husband cheated on me and I would expect him to do the same if I cheated. I also value sex as more than just a biological imperative, so it's never "just" sex.

MiniTheMinx · 01/01/2016 15:58

What you don't know can't hurt you, or can it. Its an old philosophical question, much like the tree in the forest.

If not knowing means no harm, then no harm has been caused...or has it?
If you take the risk of hurting someone, then there is of course a risk of harm...and round and round it goes.

If there is no risk of them finding out, the question could be said to be null, it negates itself doesn't it!

This is why its all nonsense.

HolgerDanske · 01/01/2016 16:07

It has caused harm, in my view, whether or not the other person knows, which is why I said no hurt and no harm, because it has devalued the sanctity of the intimate relationship in which I have invested my faith and trust. And it would be the same if my partner cheated on me, whether I knew or not. But there is some disagreement on this point, I guess. And this is why, for me, sex is never 'just sex' - there is too much else involved than just the physical act.

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