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Original poster

If your dp thought you wouldn't find out..

210 replies

Followyourart · 30/12/2015 09:23

Do you think they would sleep with someone else, if they had the opportunity and we're sure you wouldn't find out?
Because I think that mine would, and I'm not sure what that days about my relationship....

OP posts:
OnADarkDesertHighway · 30/12/2015 13:10

OP you should be able to talk to your partner about it. Worrying if you cannot.

HolgerDanske · 30/12/2015 13:11

Yes I agree, it's a choice to stay faithful. I would quite happily sleep with other people here and there but I don't, because I respect my partner and our union, and I respect his feelings. And I know that I wouldn't particularly like it if he were seriously attracted to other women, so I don't allow myself to be seriously attracted to other men.

MrsFring · 30/12/2015 13:12

I want a HUFhaus so bad! If this ever happens then please pm me and you've got yourself a housemate (and I've got two Maine Coon kittens).

RaeSkywalker · 30/12/2015 13:12

Definitely not.

Rainbowlou1 · 30/12/2015 13:17

I've been with my H for 12 years, both had it done to us before and Up until 3 months ago I would have said no way he wouldn't even consider it because I thought he was so dead against it..but after finding out the content of messages sent back and forth to a girl he met at a wedding amd turning my life upside down i sadly think yes he probably would now.

HolgerDanske · 30/12/2015 13:20

Going to rephrase a little. I don't think I actually would sleep with anyone else, necessarily. But I wouldn't mind a little flirtation and a kiss here and there. That stuff is yummy. Still wouldn't do it though, because I love and fancy my man and he's everything to me. So I choose not to miss that sexual tension. He makes the same choice at the moment, because that's the kind of man he is. He feels very strongly about fidelity. But that still doesn't mean that I am going to tell myself he never, ever would. He might, because plenty of decent people do.

IamlovedbyG · 30/12/2015 13:29

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JennaRoss · 30/12/2015 13:46

I and everyone who knows us would always have said no way about STBXH so it was a massive shock when someone who always acted so moral and upright was found to be having an affair.

I trusted him entirely and would never have thought him capable of it, ditto with my best friends XH.

ShortandSweeter · 30/12/2015 14:19

I firmly believe the majority of men will take an opportunity to play away if they feel confident they won't get found out.

Absolutely not true.

HolgerDanske · 30/12/2015 14:26

I don't know about will, but would, sure. Big difference between the two concepts though. And also, I don't actually think it's only men.

cece · 30/12/2015 14:33

I think a lot of people would.

Bobblehat10 · 30/12/2015 15:20

I would strongly suggest that an affair is a chance with most people, and for that a perfect storm has to arise.
There has to be a good degree of tension and or dissatisfaction in the relationship. This is the underlying reason.
Then the cheating partner has to meet and connect with someone they fancy, and who in turn fancy them.
Then there has to be opportunity.
And then comes the morality argument within. And depending on the person, and the situation, that's the start of an affair.

I know some will be complete toss pots, and cheat at any opportunity, but I believe those people are rare, and usually damaged in some way. For the rest of us there's prob a set of circumstances that need to come together, and the main driver is the poor relationship in the first place.

3sugarsplease · 30/12/2015 15:30

Holger your post has blown my mind... Shock

HolgerDanske · 30/12/2015 15:31

Why?

3sugarsplease · 30/12/2015 15:36

Holger you would happily sleep with other people but don't because you respect your partner. The fact your even saying you would sleep with others and have a little kiss here and there isn't respectful at all.

Crawls back down faithful relationship rabbit hole

HolgerDanske · 30/12/2015 15:43

I don't agree at all. And I did revise it, to say I wouldn't (and have never thought of doing so) sleep with other people. But sure, over the length of a long relationship I could see myself missing the fun of a bit of flirtation and finding that someone fancies you and that tension of it all coming together. I thought everyone gets glimmers of that from time to time. I wouldn't consider myself a whole person without keeping that side of me alive and fresh. Which means I continue to make the choice to stay in a loving and faithful relationship because the man I love and the history we have together is far more important to me than the fun of having a new attraction to someone else.

And lest anybody misunderstand, I love my man very much and fancy him rotten, I am not in a 'comfortable but not sexual' relationship.

Seeyounearertime · 30/12/2015 15:49

Every woman I've been with has cheated on me.
I think that, if I let it, it could give me quite a negative opinion of women.

I don't think my current GF would though, but I didn't think any of the others would either. (My wife after just 6 months marriage)

HolgerDanske · 30/12/2015 15:50

And this is not something he doesn't know, either. We've talked about this before, on several occasions. He knows what I mean and agrees completely. I think it's ridiculous to expect yourself or someone else to never, ever feel any attraction at all to someone other than the person they love. It's just not realistic. Now what you do with that very basic level of attraction is up to you. I've never had any yet, but then we've not been together a hugely long time. But if I ever did, I would ignore it and it wouldn't go any further.

IreallyKNOWiamright · 30/12/2015 15:52

I don't think mine would he panicked on christmas night another woman was in his bed cause I had a new perfume ;-) ;-) and will take him a while to get used to it.

AnyFucker · 30/12/2015 15:52

That is horrible see

NAWALT

The thing is though, some cheaters still cheat even if they are having regular sex at home. How many "cheated wives" threads on here state this, and I believe them.

For some people it's not even the sex. It's something missing in them

BifsWif · 30/12/2015 15:54

Holger I understand what you're saying and agree completely.

I don't think fidelity is natural necessarily, more something we choose if that makes sense? I don't think it's inbuilt, we have to make a conscious decision to stay faithful.

Dinobab · 30/12/2015 15:56

Maybe. I think the reason he (hopefully) doesn't cheat on me is because he doesn't want to risk out relationship for sex but if there's no risk.. I dunno

Sunbeam1112 · 30/12/2015 16:00

Wow talk about not holding many men in high regard. They aren't all sex addicts who thrive on the constant need for sex. I think this is a pretty sexist thread tbh.

Chamonix1 · 30/12/2015 16:02

Um, sadly yes I think he would. Not sure if that's due to my own self esteem, his or our relationship (probably all 3) but I can't see him saying no to a woman he fancied if he knew 100% I'd never know.

DownstairsMixUp · 30/12/2015 16:07

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