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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

in love with him but he never wants to see me again

241 replies

Pain1 · 27/12/2015 18:14

I met a guy quite casually and I fell v deeply for him v quickly. I was wobbly emotionally when I met him and although we only met twice we had sex and I developed a massive attachment to him. It wasn't a very healthy relationship at all.
I think I scared him in the end. I was almost suicidal. He's blocked me on everything and never wants contact again.
I can't seem to move on from this experience. I've never felt like this before about anyone and I can't forget him Ive tried everything.
None of it makes sense.

OP posts:

Tiggeryoubastard · 27/12/2015 18:19

You need help. None of this is normal. Met twice and you 'love'him? Suicidal? No wonder he's blocked you. That's the only bit that makes any sense.
Seriously - I'm not being facetious, you do need some help. Go to see the doctor and tell them this.

Patheticfallacy · 27/12/2015 18:22

I'm so sorry. You might not believe me now, but you can't possibly be in love with someone you have only met twice. It sounds like infatuation which can be v painful. I think you need to work on getting yourself stronger and not so wobbly emotionally.

Trills · 27/12/2015 18:24

If you ever meet someone twice and they profess to be "in love with you" or say they are "almost suicidal" at possibly not seeing you again, I advise you to do exactly what he did here. Block and do not speak to them again.

KwickNC · 27/12/2015 18:25

It's not love women tend to form attachments when they've had sex with someone - Google it honestly.

It won't be love and you will get over it but you need RL help for your suicidal thoughts. He isn't worth your life

Original poster

Pain1 · 27/12/2015 18:26

Maybe it was infatuation. But I have very deep feelings for him. Almost immediately. This has never happened and I date quite a few guys.
I told him I was suicidal after he got angry at me one night for writing and that I loved him and yes he blocked me.
It's so awful.
I am in a lot of pain.
I genuinely didn't want to go on after this. I understand why he blocked me. But it doesn't make this feeling go away.

OP posts:

Hissy · 27/12/2015 18:28

Limerance love. Very hard to fight, but you have to.

You will get through this. I think you would benefit from some help from somewhere, but no idea what to suggest

Original poster

Pain1 · 27/12/2015 18:28

I also hate myself for doing that. I feel I ruined it all.
It's all a mess it's been 2 months and no better. Still think about him constantly.

OP posts:

RNBrie · 27/12/2015 18:28

How long ago did this all happen op?

It sounds very intense and overwhelming but your response to this guy doesn't fall into what most people would consider "normal" behaviour.

You said you were wobbly emotionally at the time anyway so I suspect your attachment to him has more to do with whatever else has been going on and less about him as a person.

He's done the right thing for him and now you need to do the right thing for you. Get yourself to the gp and have a chat about how you are feeling.

KwickNC · 27/12/2015 18:29

What do you mean he got angry after you writing?

Original poster

Pain1 · 27/12/2015 18:32

Thank you.
Yes I met him at a wobbly point but I was on the up, started a job and was taking care of myself. He was so insistent at first and eventually I met him and we had sex. Incredible sex. Then he backed off straight after and said he just wanted something casual and that's when it felt like a light in me went out.

after he cut me off I went to the go etc but nothing is working. I'm seeing a therapist who knows the full story but I'm still in gallons of pain 2 months after.
Never had this over a man. He was everything to me. It doesn't make sense Im suffering

OP posts:

Original poster

Pain1 · 27/12/2015 18:32

*gp

OP posts:

DreamingOfThruxtons · 27/12/2015 18:36

It may not seem like it, but this is about you, not him at all. Have you ever had any counselling? I would very much recommend perhaps seeking some: you need to figure out why this particular dynamic happened to you- please don't waste any more time just pining. Having been in a similar place, I really can empathise, though.

Something I found helpful was being given information about 'Life Traps' by a therapist. I can't find the book immediately, but there's a website that might be interesting here.

Original poster

Pain1 · 27/12/2015 18:41

Thank you
I know it was about me. But I felt such a connection ive never felt and feel I will never feel with anyone else. I feel I messed it up I know I did. I also know he thinks I'm crazy.
I am in therapy. My therapist helps she says I will move on from this one day.
The rejection felt like a knife and it never got taken out its still there.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 27/12/2015 18:47

Good God

You really need to keep accessing as much professional help as you can

No wonder he blocked you. You sound absolutely terrifying.

Branleuse · 27/12/2015 18:53

this has happened to you, but its not about him. It could have been anyone. The fact its this particular guy is coincidence and irrelevent. Therapys probably not helping because its just making you keep talking about it and keeping it alive. There is nothing special about this guy youve fallen for.

Original poster

Pain1 · 27/12/2015 18:53

Thanks that's really nice.
I am not terrifying. I am a normal woman with some problems and I don't appreciate that comment.
I have done nothing to hurt anyone just myself.

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DreamingOfThruxtons · 27/12/2015 18:54

Sorry, that probably came across as patronising- I really didn't mean it to. But the 'connection' that you felt, for whatever reason, may have felt intense for reasons that were more subconscious than you realise. This kind of pain is absolutely awful- I know, I really do. My life was destroyed, I didn't sleep properly for two years because of it. Now? I look back and I can see that he really wasn't right for me after all, and I would have had more pain in the long run if we had stayed together.

Either way, though, if a relationship has been ended by that other person, you can't change that. All you can do is take ownership of your side in whatever way you can.

Got to go, child interloper! I wish you all the best.

Original poster

Pain1 · 27/12/2015 18:57

Bran thank you. I try to talk to the therapist about the bigger picture of my life and not focus so much on him. I wonder why it feels like it was him. Because he was everything I wanted even if he wasn't perfect and didn't treat me very well I still had what felt like love. I meet and date not loads but a few guys and nothing like this has ever happened. But with him it was like he awakened something. I know why he blocked me as it was v unstable and wrong to do what I did. It makes me hate myself even more.

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AnyFucker · 27/12/2015 18:59

Look, if a woman came on here telling us that a bloke had behaved in the same way as you have she would be told to contact the police and get a restraining order

No excuses just because you are female.

You have some mental health issues going on it is clear. It's not normal to act like this, and personally I would be terrified by you (or anyone who acted like you). I wish you well in accessing help. And stay well away from relationships until you have this completely sorted.

RNBrie · 27/12/2015 19:02

Op, what sort of therapy are you having? Does it include any CBT? You might benefit from it as it is supposed to teach you new responses to existing situations and you really need to change how you're thinking about this man.

Lauren2lauren · 27/12/2015 19:03

Hmmm I feel for you and think you know this behaviour isn't normal at all. You are clearly suffering some MH issues seek help. Do not try and contact him again. You barely knew each other of course he will be scared.

Cantwaittillboxingday · 27/12/2015 19:03

He couldn't be 'everything' to you as you only met him twice. That would be impossible. He wasn't part if your life.

Original poster

Pain1 · 27/12/2015 19:03

Any with respect I haven't gone into the full story here. I did not threaten or intimidate him in any way. I have not turned up at his house or wouldn't dream of doing so so please don't make out What I did was worthy of a restraining order.
I made a complete fool of myself. He gets to block and delete and carry on with his life. Sadly this has left me emotionally broken down and I'm looking for advice and help from any others who may have experienced similar.
I wish he'd never had that kind of sex with me if he didn't like me and I shouldn't have done it.
I'm finding it very very hard to move on from this and I'm not 16 years old so have been through tough times.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 27/12/2015 19:09

"that kind" of sex ?

Original poster

Pain1 · 27/12/2015 19:10

What do you want to know about the sex ?

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