in love with him but he never wants to see me again

[Pain1]

I met a guy quite casually and I fell v deeply for him v quickly. I was wobbly emotionally when I met him and although we only met twice we had sex and I developed a massive attachment to him. It wasn't a very healthy relationship at all.
I think I scared him in the end. I was almost suicidal. He's blocked me on everything and never wants contact again.
I can't seem to move on from this experience. I've never felt like this before about anyone and I can't forget him Ive tried everything.
None of it makes sense.

Yes he physically hurt me which I don't understand why he did it.

Limerence I read. It sounds just like that. Hope it fucking goes away soon this is hell.

I think maybe you are hurt because he ended it when you were not ready rather than you having a say.

But he does sound like a bit of a player.

And he hurt you physically??

Imagine yourself if you had stayed with him and he hurt you over and over again. That's not love nor worth wishing over.

This is like an optical illusion. Your mind is insisting on seeing something that isn't there. He has reopened some kind of wound that was already there.
You are feeling a pain and an emptiness and mistaking that for love. It is not love. It is just pain and upset and hurt.

I assume because you say you have never let guys get to you before you have never been in love.
Well this isn't it. It will happen one day and it will be much better than this

Sweetheart, be kind to yourself. Your words towards yourself sound so hard.

You met a guy, you slept with him and became very attached for a variety of reasons. It didn't work out. You're feeling very sad about it all and need support and help.

Try and think about you, not him/the situation.

Sounds so difficult for you. Be kind to yourself. It's hard to know what happened but he doesn't sound kind of honest.

Some of the hurt will be that, rather than love. He treated you badly.

Thank you.
I'll get this deleted but he hit me across my face hard as I left the first time.
Why would he do that? It's not normal is it even after a casual thing?
I still feel v deeply for him though. I know it doesn't make sense but the connection was still so intensely painful.

It will go, you've just got to hang on for a while.

It's a shit old time of the year as well - hard to enjoy Christmas when you're feeling broken hearted - it's bloody dark all the time and just miserable. We're on the upward swing towards lighter days now so just keep a grip on yourself and remember that this feeling isn't 'real' IYKWIM? It's just a weird illusion.

No that's not normal and neither is your reaction to it.

Which you are obviously trying to make sense of.

Jesus. Lucky escape, he sounds like a horror show.

I don't think though that all women or evrn most of them always form a strong bind durung sex. I think this is a myth hanging over from the nice girls wait trope.

Amd I think it encourages people to believe they must have really liked someone just because they had sex instead of sometimes chalking tjings up to experience and saying yes I had sex, it 2as ok to have sec but no I don't love this person, this person/it/the situation/that sex is not what I was looking for.

We are not biologically programmed to fall for every casual fuck anymore than men are biologically programmed to be unfaithful even to those they love intensely.

But he obviously thought he could do it and Id never contact him again? Do you think that's why he did it?

OP, I'm really sorry you're in so much pain. Forgive and ignore me if I'm completey off here, but reading between the lines (and I understand if you don't want to go into it), it sounds a bit like he tried some kind of BDSM stuff on you without your consent. OP, that's a terrible thing to do to someone. It's assault. If that's the case, this is not a man who deserves your love or even your respect. You may have convinced yourself of this "deep connection" as a self-defense mechanism against feelings of anger and humiliation, but if that's the case, it's a defense you don't need. If someone hurts you against your will, anger is a perfectly appropriate response. Are you angry?

I guess it doesn't matter now anyway.

Oh jesus christ, massive x-post. Op, I'm so sorry. That's revolting. Get angry!

Wtf!?! X post. No it is not normal. It is assault. He is an abusive prick and should be arrested fucking emotional piranha.

This obviously has nothing to do with him as the object of your affections. Have you been assaulted in your past? You should consider the freedom programme if not for your past as armour for your future.

No I'm not angry at all. The sex was consensual and as you describe but i enjoyed it.
Just the hit at the end of the night I didn't understand

Ok, so I think we all need to stop feeling so sorry for this 'poor man'.

He pursued you for months, had sex with you, then listed all your perceived defects after he'd got what he wanted?

Then hit you across the face?

He's a piece of shit. He was abusive to you. You telling him you wanted to kill yourself was fucked up in its own right and actually an act of aggression but I can kind of see where it came from (not condoning it but can see it in context).

Stick with your therapy and keep thinking it through.

Right now you feel infatuation but it won't last. It's a message to you from your subconscious - a powerful one - that you are very very hooked up in being treated badly and being attracted to dangerous people.

Think it through, think it back to your past, your childhood. Take it apart. Make sense of it.

You're not in love. Your emotions are trying to tell you something - he's just a vehicle for this breakthrough.

Hope you get all the support you can.

I read somewhere that sometimes when we meet a person and our gut instinct says 'danger' the brain misinterprets the adrenaline etc as intense infatuation. I don't know whether there's anything in it but it might be worth thinking about.

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship before op? I'm wondering if there's any reason you didn't think 'run' after your first meeting.

Dear Pain
He hit you babe ?
He is a horrible man
No wonder you all messed up
Please .. Have you told your therapist this ?

He's a fucking bastard who preys on women to get his kicks. He wants bloody reporting to the OLD site (I'm presuming this was online?) as a dangerous individual.

You can't analyse bastards OP, sometimes people are just shitty shits.

But he had been hitting me as part of the sex but I consented
When I left he hit me and I didn't consent
Maybe he got the lines blurred

I think OP you have your answer right there though.
You have dated other men and not felt like this. Probably because they didn't smack you in the face.

I think you are cobfusing your understandably ibtense reaction with love.

You taking the necessary steps by seeing a therapist. Iagree with other posters that if you were male you would of been treated completely differently. You chose to sleep with him after two days sounds as of you've come on to heavy and as result he's backed off by suggesting to you take things causal and then you said your suidical of course he would block you. Sounds like you've come on heavy and miss took any signals from him as something more. Its like your projecting your actions on to him by saying he had role to play unless he forced himself I can't see why he would as two consenting adults. I think going on a public forum isn't good for you. You won't explain the full story so people are finding it hard to give advice.. You need someone who's trained in mental health to facilitate your mental well being which I understand you doing.

When I was younger I had someone who had an infatitution who wanted to be with me, he hounded me with messages. Kissed me when I was intoxiced and had been sick! Maybe he would of done more had a friend not stepped in. He said he couldn't live without me. I was 16 he was a year older.Thankfully I had a older brother who told him to back away from me and he did. It was extremely draining and damaging. Your actions might have affect on this man which is something to consider.

Your well shot if he wanted to hit you during sex after 2 dates can you really imagine being with someone like that long term? Getting turned on by hitting people? Do you have DCs? Giving up work has probably allowed you more time to think about this twat. Continue with therapy but have you seen your GP? Try and be busy volunteer or something the more time you spend thinking about him the unhealthiest it becomes.

Please RTFT