in love with him but he never wants to see me again

[Pain1]

I met a guy quite casually and I fell v deeply for him v quickly. I was wobbly emotionally when I met him and although we only met twice we had sex and I developed a massive attachment to him. It wasn't a very healthy relationship at all.
I think I scared him in the end. I was almost suicidal. He's blocked me on everything and never wants contact again.
I can't seem to move on from this experience. I've never felt like this before about anyone and I can't forget him Ive tried everything.
None of it makes sense.

Maybe he got the lines blurred

His lines weren't blurred, but yours were because you allowed yourself to believe him and, more to the point, believe in him.

This man gets off on causing physical pain to women. Unless he's willing to pay to indulge his perversions, he knows that the chances of him being able to find a woman who'll comply with his sadistic tendencies from the off are remote so he's perfected a Mr Nice Guy act in order to disguise his true intnet. He's a convincing charmer, subtly flattering his way into hearts and minds, and having unsuspecting females eating out of his hand.

But for him it's also about the conquest. He wouldn't find it anywhere near as satisfying to have one masochistic partner on whom he could inflict pain at will as danger has become part of the thrill for him, and it's become about how far he can go without being reported to the police by one of his conquests.

You were drawn to the dark side of him, OP, and it may have come as a shock that you allowed yourself to be abused to the extent that you wanted more and couldn't deal with him discarding you like a used tissue once he'd got his rocks off.

Yes a real shock
A shock that I wanted him even more

You know, Pain, your reaction is pretty understandable, given the circumstances. Sometimes, when we feel low about ourselves, and a person is cruel to us, we want to work very hard to gain that person's love and approval. Because they say things that confirm our bad feelings about ourselves, and so it seems that if we convince them to love us, then that means that we are not so bad after all.

So your MH issues + this guy preying on you, negging you, and assaulting you led to your obsessive infatutuation, and feeling suicidal if he didn't return your feelings.

It's ok, and you'll get over it. The core issue is that you feel down on yourself.

Yes that's exactly it. That's it rice
I'll never see him again.
I brought out something dark in him too. I think it scared him maybe what he'd done.

Don't spend time thinking about his issues, and just focus on you and taking care of yourself.

2 months are still early days...

It took me a year... no therapy, no GP. Just my own thoughts and making myself number 1 priority.

After 9 months I came to a conclusion that I made a fool of myself. But I don't regret. I actually had a lucky escape and a lesson to never lose my dignity.

Now I'm very glad it never worked. Because I see him for who he is, not for who I saw/imagined/idealized him before.

As a friend of mine said he was only after sex... He never had a chance.

And yes, I met him when I was at my lowest...

You will be fine. Just keep yourself occupied and be kind to yourself.

The best of luck,

Thank you x I'm so glad you're betyer. My therapist said its early days. Spiritually they call him a messenger to make me learn something about myself. I'm nowhere near that point yet.
It's like he wasn't real. I dreamed him. I hope I can be happy again and able to function

I doubt you brought out anything in him pain. I think it was already there and he has probably done this before.

Count your blessings.

I think rice is right. I think he negged you and you wanted to prove yourself.

Stop wasting emotion on him and soend some on yourself. Be kind to yourself. Value yourself. Easier said than done I know which is why it will take work.

He's doing you a huge favour by cutting you off. The guy I was with, he just kept fucking me around, giving me enough tidbits to keep me hanging on, calling me (I'd drop everything to be with him) to 'come be with him'. The sex as amazing. Mind-blowingly good. But he was an arsehole who used me. For over a year.

Definitely he's doing you a favour.

I've spoken to friends about guys like this and the sex is always amazing

You didn't being out any "dark side", please - don't romanticise and dramatise that.

You have had a breakdown over this.

You think your breakdown is because it was "love".

No, you had a breakdown because you were viciously assaulted.

Manipulated over time to think one thing of him, then coerced or encouraged when drunk into BDSM sex without proper communication and then separate to the sex you were verbally abused and assaulted.

That can make you feel suicidal, not some imagined love.

I'm not sure what this spiritual stuff is about messengers, tbh. OK, great if you come out stronger at the end. But I'm a bit about romanticising, dramatising and spiritualising things.

Call a spade a spade - you were assaulted by a nasty piece of work, and that is not your fault. Does your therapist have experience supporting people who have been sexually assaulted?

And he knew. He knew you were vulnerable. Mine actually admitted it, later, when I broke the news to him that I was leaving town. He knew and, on some level, he targeted me. Like your person, I'd known him for years before. He only started paying interest in me when he found out through others that my marriage was floundering and we had separated. I fell for him like a ton of bricks. He would arrange to meet me and we'd talk and oh, what a good listener he was. Of course.

Then one night, he had arranged for us to meet nearer to his place and a restaurant/bar he knew I had to drive to.

I got far too drunk and then he said the line, 'You're far too gone to drive. Why don't you just come to mine. You can sleep on the sofa.' Yeah, right! I can't believe I fell for that.

Needless to say, I didn't sleep on the sofa.

The next day, he did the, 'This is a mistake.' I said, 'Yes.' And then he pulled me to him and kissed me and shagged me again.

I went home and was like, 'WTF?' but I didn't contact him. He wasn't long. He rang right after he got off work. 'Can you come over to talk?'

I wasn't as ill as you are and still, he was able to utterly wreck me. I let him!

We all make fools out of ourselves. But cutting you off? It's the best thing.

OP keep talking and getting professional help.

You had a few harsh replies, I'm quite surprised that they weren't a bit more sympathetic as you are obviously currently unwell, and that doesn't make what you did ok but you are obviously not in a healthy frame of mind and you need help and understanding.

I wish I had some advice for you but you got some great advice already, I just want to send you a virtual hug and hope that you start to feel a bit better soon.

He is an arsehole OP You will be fine, that doesn't help now I know but you will get through this in time. Be kind to yourself and keep talking xx

Thecsex with my EA ex was also fantastic. He was still an arse.

The sex with my current bf is far far better. And although he ain't perfect he isn't abusive. He respects me. And he isn't a arsehole.

Find someone lovely and then if the sex isn't already amazing, make it amazing.

But sort out your issues with yourself first. (Fwiw my sex with myself is bloody amazing too)

Thank you all so much.
It makes a little more sense now.
I feel a bit lifted !
The hit was important ! It left a bruise . It was a factor in me breaking down .

Forget about sex, for a bit. First get better. Stronger. Establish boundaries. Police your boundaries.

Take the very best care of yourself that you can.

I also think he's groomed you (if that's the right term) - he spotted someone vulnerable and got you exactly where he wanted you.

Great advice on this thread, but don't blame yourself, he has caused this to happen to you. That's why it hasn't happened with previous boyfriends/dates - he is the different factor, you haven't behaved like this before.

Take care and please try not to let this dictate how you live the rest of your life (easier said than done, I know).

No I haven't behaved like this before. But I was vulnerable when I met him.
Thank you for your advice.
It doesn't make easier as such it's explains a lot.
Would it be a bad idea to leave him a voicemail just saying it was wrong what he did Im aware of it and I do not love him. I Feel sick the last words he heard from me were I love you !

50 Shades of Idiocy has a lot to answer for with wannabe doms and curious folk. Some think there should be a contract signed others don't, some think it's about pain, others realise it isn't. It's a whole mind-universe of variation. Without shared heart's consent at every move there is nothing. Fear has no place in this and no-one can ever own another.

It's been said before but control actually rests with the submissive one. If this was a sub/dom thing then you should have felt empowered if you were with someone who had a clue what to do/how to behave.

You weren't given this control so it sounds like you gave away your power to an irrational and selfish/brutal man who has no idea really about any of this other than a crude access to apparently acceptable violence to women. He used you because you are vulnerable. This is a universal theme in abusive relationships.

Because you're not right-thinking you somehow feel it's all down to you. Nope. It's him. Your love for him isn't love, it's raw, vital need and dependency - or so it seems to me. You reached out to him and he took you for a strange ride that went wrong (imo) BUT he could never heal you or release you from your demons. Only you can do that.

You are right to reach beyond yourself for help but you probably would be better staying away from attempting any romantic/sexual relationships for now.

An utterly horrendous idea.

Why lion
Honest question

Sorry - took too long composing my post! What do you feel about sending him that voicemail? Would it release you from his thrall?

Why do you still have his number? Delete it. He's a sociopathic misogynist.

Keep well away from him.

No don't just leave it ! He will just know he's on your mind if you do.

I feel sick that the last words o said was I love you
Then he said i needed help and I'm crazy and blocked me.
I really want him to know somehow, consisely, that I'm not mad. He was wrong to hit me that time and that's why I broke down etc. it wasn't me it was him kind of thing.
I feel I lost my self respect. I want him to know that I know it was wrong
Agh it's all so confusing