in love with him but he never wants to see me again

[Pain1]

I met a guy quite casually and I fell v deeply for him v quickly. I was wobbly emotionally when I met him and although we only met twice we had sex and I developed a massive attachment to him. It wasn't a very healthy relationship at all.
I think I scared him in the end. I was almost suicidal. He's blocked me on everything and never wants contact again.
I can't seem to move on from this experience. I've never felt like this before about anyone and I can't forget him Ive tried everything.
None of it makes sense.

Yes that's why LonnyVonny , that's what I wanted to write. I'm careful sometimes not to because you do tend to get a tiresome 3 page backlash of "women do it too".
No they do not. See above as to why sex is inherently more traumatic for women than it is for men--never mind the trauma of meeting a virtual stranger who has been grooming you to have someone there to act out his sadism.

But it's not enough to understand this on an intellectual level. The book, this thread will help you understand it on that level, but you have been harmed in a primal way. So you can't think your way out of it.
Stay the fuck away from men is a good start when it comes to healing. Spend time with women as much as possible, you'll be surprised at how much that will help.

I agree Sakura. Your post has made me think of the pros and cons of the Internet actually. Years ago this man would have been known in his community - he would have been the man women warned other women about. And that, in itself, would have kept his behaviour in check.

Now he can groom women on the web. That unofficial way women have of banding together to protect each other has gone.

But then on the other hand, communities like MN can do so much good in terms of education, advice and showing women they have other options.

Anyhow, probably a derail so I'll leave it there.

Without wanting to derail sex is inherently more traumatic for women than it is for men. I disagree. Sex is not inherently traumatic. Sex is a natural enjoyable thing if you do it with someone with whom you enjoy doing it (you don't even have to like them).

Yes. It is possible to have bad, terrible sex. Believe it or not this can also happen to men.

But it is not the case that men like sex and women tolerate it. We are not the gate keepers.

That is sexist nonsense. And it encourages women to expect little from their sexual experiences when in fact they should feel entitled to enjoy sex and to expect their partners to make an effort to see that they enjoy it (and that is not just a quick bit of oral to make women think they are getting a 'fair deal').

Yes I do appreciate there are some people for whom, for many reasons, it is harder to enjoy sex but sex is not inherently traumatic. Traumatic experiences are inherently traumatic (and possibly harder to recover from if they are also sexual).

Getting hit in the face in cold blood is traumatic. Getting hit in the face after you have had sex with someone which somewhat confused the issue is more traumatic because of the guilt/shame/taboo that we impose on such things. But really there is no confusion. What he did was wrong. He is a dick. The op didn't do anything to deserve it.

Oh yes totally Lonny. The internet has really helped sickfuck men extend their tentacles. And it's not just the pregnancy thing sakura, it's the whole ramming something into someone else's soft bits as hard as you can that is also very invested with violence for some men.

Incidentally Pain1, you know you could report him for assault don't you? I don't think you should do it, because he'll turn it on you and will report you for harassment. But he assaulted you. Remember that. He went up to you and for no reason at all, he hit you very hard across the face.

And the only reason he did that is because he enjoys hurting women.

And so you calling him to tell him that is only going to give him pleasure.

And what SmallLegs said - it doesn't have to be traumatic and nor is it necessarily invested with more emotion for women. It can be, but that's because we live in a patriarchal society where women aren't supposed to enjoy sex very much

Please don't miss the point- you' be gone out of your way to miss the point.
"Sexism" only works one way. A black guy can't be racist to a white man. He might not like white men but that's not racist because there is no structural oppression. Same for sexism. So no- it's not sexist to say sex harms women more than it harms men.

Sex harms women. We can do what is known in the western world as damage limitation, in other words we can use 98-99% effective contraception ( never 100%) and this damage limitation of the natural outcome of sex ( unwanted or ambivalent pregnancy )- but the absolute DREAD of pregnancy is still there for women - not for men, remember. Men can do their disappearing act. Can't disappear from your own body, tho.

Yeah some- many - women like sex. many women like SM
Liking it is NOT the point. And misses the point entirely.

And women are supposed to enjoy sex under patriarchy - left wing women at least. Right wing women- not so much

For a we know he could have been one of these pricks who insists on not wearing a condom. If so, has he got a disease ( more easily transmitted to women BY men than the other way round because fluid from the man is ejaculated into the woman.

sakura - I don't disagree with anything you've written. But I'm concerned that the OP may read it and think that it doesn't apply to her situation and dismiss it out of hand. And it's a really helpful perspective and I hope you don't feal the caveat diminishes your overall message.

I've just spent 20 mins reading through this thread and I only have One conclusion Pain1

You have missed a very dangerous speeding bullet!. Its as simple as that.

Give up any notion of contacting this jerk ever again it is NOT normal to be walloped around the face after sex not at all! Even a slight playful slap on the bum is something which is done with the consent of your partner concerned.

Take the advice of the other MN's here and DO NOT contact this prat ever again you are very lucky to have got away with the grief and pain you have.

You will get over it, only problem is it will take some time but its the greatest healer, time.

I promise you one day you will look back at this and wonder why it ever happened and why you got so upset over it all it will take time, that's all.

I still don't agree sakura but will leave the discussion of why I don't think sex necessarily harms women and the definition of what is sexism (attributing thoughts, opinions and traits to me solely because of my sex) to another thread.

However, violent sex isn't about sex. It is about violence. Slapping someone after the event is about violence. So the issue there is not the sex, its the violence. He is not a man with a different sexual preference to the OP. He's just a nasty violent arsehole.

And yes OP you could have reported it to the police. And they would take it seriously. And if you really did feel the need to make some kind of point to him then that is the point I would make. But under the circumstances I think it is best left.

You need to pick yourself and look at yourself through your own eyes instead of someone else's and see that you are actually ok. You are worthy of respect. You deserve to be treated well. You have your flaws sure but you also have many good qualities that you need to learn to value. Be kind to yourself.

A ton of neurotransmitter chemical hormones are released by both men and women during sex. Both release dopamine (pleasure high), serotonin (ecstasy, serenity, generally feeling good) and oxytocin (a bonding agent). Men also release vasopressin which is about protection/possession. So there are definitely chemical reactions that can strongly bond and create emotional highs that we have little control over. These chemicals affect men and women differently.

OP if you are finding it difficult to overcome the emotional/chemical reaction the encounters with this man triggered in you I think antidepressants could help "reset" you in the long run combined with other therapies. As others have said you need to take ADs for quite a while usually before you experience their affects.

There seems to be a lot more going on but your strong biological reactions may be the most straightforward to treat if you stick with the ADs for a while.

Thank you everyone.
I'm just sitting with this and reading through what you've said right now.
I'm finding it v hard to come to terms with.
But the hit was v significant. I know that because it was very hard, v unexpected and my ear stung and rang for hours after. I'm remembering it now.
I'm finding it v hard to deal with that he did that and then wanted to back off. I can't make sense of it. I don't understand why he did that to me.

It's hard to deal with because it doesn't make sense to you or to anyone else except him.
This reminds me of a parent who is kind then hits a child for no reason.
Reread the excellent advise especially about letting go of why he did it. It's done.
It's all about you and your recovery. Definitely go on ads as they will give you some control back and help you become unstuck.

Yes the advice here is excellent
I'm reading through