in love with him but he never wants to see me again

[Pain1]

I met a guy quite casually and I fell v deeply for him v quickly. I was wobbly emotionally when I met him and although we only met twice we had sex and I developed a massive attachment to him. It wasn't a very healthy relationship at all.
I think I scared him in the end. I was almost suicidal. He's blocked me on everything and never wants contact again.
I can't seem to move on from this experience. I've never felt like this before about anyone and I can't forget him Ive tried everything.
None of it makes sense.

If you chucked your job in and "can't get out of bed most days", of course it matters, but no-one here can help you understand why you have apparently behaved so out of character unless you disclose what it was he did to you, even though your consent may have been implicit because you didn't verbally object... or did you object and subsequently allow him to talk you round?

From what you've said, I'm getting the feeling that he seduced you over a period of time during which you became emotionally over invested in him, thought he was the answer to your prayers, your soulmate, the only man for you etc. Is that how it went down?

I can only think he did it so I would never contact him again
Or maybe he forgot he did it because he never mentioned it again

Yes op
I think recent posts hit the nail on the head
I think it is some form of post traumatic stress to feel you are in love with this man
I am so so so very sorry
Please please don't hurt yourself
Please
Do you have kids ?
You have a supportive , loving family by the sound of it .
They do not want to lose you

This man is not worth going under for .
Amateur physiology can be dangerous I do think but the violence issue is worrying . I didn't realise this was the case .

All my love to you
You are great , really great , just as you are .
X

Yes godess v much so

Was the hit important to what happened
genuine question

It will go away. Time will heal this. He is fucked up. Hes fucked with your head, but if you try and get on with life, it WILL pass. Maybe not immediately, but it will. x

Was this a fetlife thing? Is he a Dom?

I won't judge but what he's done is very wrong. If you are a sub it sounds to me that you didn't get the appropriate aftercare (UNDERSTATEMENT) and this can cause immense psychological fuck wittery

Massively op

OK, OP, two things: 1) the glaringly obvious: hitting someone across the face without their consent is assault, the same way as having sex with someone without their consent is rape. It doesn't matter what you did before that, he didn't get the lines "blurred" (how I fucking hate that fucking song), he decided that he didn't need your consent to do what he liked, that your wishes no longer mattered. 2) Vanilla sex can make you feel incredibly vulnerable, BDSM even more so and you need very good communication and a high level of trust between both partners to ensure everyone's a happy and willing participant. There are no shortcuts to trust. I've got the feeling that this sudden and unwelcome overwhelming infatuation is an unconscious attempt on your part to make sense of an actual assault and somehow turn it into a meaningful and fulfilling experience that doesn't cast you as a victim. But that's an illusion, OP, this man is an abusive cunt who gets off on hurting people - not for their pleasure - hurting them for real.

No I didn't know he was into that kind of sex but I was happy to try it when we were in the moment and I consented
But when he hit me as I was leaving
Maybe he thought it was still part of the whole thing
He was young

OP, I very much doubt he thought it was still part of the whole thing, I don't care how young he is, if he's old enough to have sex, he's old enough to understand the difference between informed consent and basic assault. This is not rocket science.

Assuming he was out of toddlerhood he was old enough to understand the difference between 'hit me in this specific way in this specific circumstance because I think I'll enjoy it' and 'hit me however and whenever you like'. It was assault, no question.

Ok. It's still really wrong though pet. BDSM sex has very 'strict' (no pun intended) rules. All of which revolve around consent, understanding and communication. He clearly didn't do those things because...and here's the relevant part.. He's a fucking cunt.

Tony is absolutely on point here.

I just have to get on with it and move on I guess.
Thank you for your thoughts I really appreciate it.
It doesn't change anything does it. My behaviour and how I fell apart.

Yes. It's puts an entirely different slant on it. You need to stay in therapy and explore this - your reaction to this horrible thing is not 'normal' but not in the way you think. You should be OUTRAGED, relieved and thanking all the angels in heaven for your lucky, lucky escape.

That's what you need to work on now.

You were treated very badly. You don't deserve to be treated badly.

The worrying thing - which you can work on with your therapist - is that you are questioning yourself, and continuing to do self-sabotaging things like quitting your job, when really it's him that you should be very, very angry at.

As others have said upthread, it sounds like you get hooked by being treated badly, and that this is set deep in your subconscious. (Your mother, from the little you said, does not sound warm and sympathetic. Perhaps you got used to being treated poorly, and to think that this is what you deserve, from a very young age.)

You don't deserve to be hit in the face, or messed about. No-one does.

He's a proper wrong un.

I have been with partners with whom i might consent to them hitting me or hair pulling during sex but they don't even assume because they hit me once during sex that they could next time let alone that they could hit me at other times.

Clearly for him the hitting is the important bit not the sex. He's a fuck up..a dangerous woman hating fuck up.

Watch out as he has blocked you now but he may well come back for more later.

I think your concious mind is trying to put a veneer over something that has your subconscious screaming.

Yes this hurts. No this is not love.

He did it because he's a dick, OP. I had a 'relationship' with a dick like this and he also totally messed me up. I didn't threaten suicide or anything like that, but I also didn't tell him to go fuck himself but just came running back any time he booty called me. He kept doing this for over a year before I got free by accident/chance.

I was in a vulnerable spot coming out of a painful relationship. He knew this, too. He'd known me for 8 years as a 'friend' before that. He never hit me, but he was an emotionally manipulative git. He would also point out my flaws, as if he were doing me a favour by shagging me.

I hope you can get through this. Keep working with your therapist.

Thank you
I don't think he will write again no. By the end he was saying I was harassing him. I was just calling him in tears.
I miss him. I know I sound pathetic. The whole thing is pathetic I don't feel like I'll get over it but there's no choice
I just wanted him to see me ok, happy, well. Confident again.
I think he doesn't want to associate with me ever again. He'll never understand what he did to me and just thinks I'm nuts which I possibly am.
It helps to make sense but doesn't change anything.

I agree it sounds like strong limerance. All rational thinking goes out the window and obsession takes hold

And no op. What the fuck would be a normal reaction to this? O think this puts a whole new light on it.
Getting heavily fucked up over a couple of dates is one thing (and what we originally thought we were commenting on) but feeling pretty messed up after this I would say is a pretty normal reaction. You were in uncharted waters there.

Yes you do need therapy. But to proess what he did to you.

OK, but it might help to understand why you've come apart like this. Do you think you have a tendency to romanticise abuse? Parents, other role models while you were growing up? Or do you really need to see yourself as strong and in control, as someone who does not get hit without her consent? Btw, BDSM can be done properly; as Tony says, there are very strict rules about communication and consent. Perhaps reading up on those would help you realise the full extent of his abusive behaviour - you might find your anger after all.

Try not to blame yourself so much. He could do this to anyone, and probably does. He was in the wrong.

Keep talking to your therapist - and here

Pain, I don't really post advice on relationships as I'm just coming out of a shitty emotionally abusive relationship, and I'm not in a good place, but just wanted to say- you should (I know you don't ATM) be extremely thankful that he's blocked you.
He sounds just like my ex did at the beginning of our relationship, he never hit me, but did threaten it, I really did think he was going to hit me.
Also, the thing about him telling you all the things he doesn't like about you- my ex did that too, mainly critisizing my parenting, to the point that I was actually crying, and thanking him for being so honest with me, in my defence I was extremely vulnerable at the time.
he didn't block me or cut me off- I was besotted with him as you are with this man.
Over the last six years he has completely drained me, I've ended the relationship now, but it's been bloody hard work.