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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

in love with him but he never wants to see me again

241 replies

Pain1 · 27/12/2015 18:14

I met a guy quite casually and I fell v deeply for him v quickly. I was wobbly emotionally when I met him and although we only met twice we had sex and I developed a massive attachment to him. It wasn't a very healthy relationship at all.
I think I scared him in the end. I was almost suicidal. He's blocked me on everything and never wants contact again.
I can't seem to move on from this experience. I've never felt like this before about anyone and I can't forget him Ive tried everything.
None of it makes sense.

OP posts:
Cantwaittillboxingday · 27/12/2015 19:37

You are hinting that there is more to it than you are telling us here. That's up to you but if you only ever met him twice I can't think what he could have possibly done that would make you want him yet also feel suicidal.

Original poster
Pain1 · 27/12/2015 19:38

No it doesn't explain the suicidal feelings I suppose. I don't know.

OP posts:
boredbylaundry · 27/12/2015 19:39

I think there are biological differences between men and women .. Full stop
I believe sex with somebody leads to us forming attachments
Whatever we kid ourselves into thinking

Op
He' s a bad un
End of
And we should not underestimate we live in a digital age where it is far too easy to keep reaching out to somebody we have been rejected by ... Unless you lose the smart phone the temptation is always there. Facebook , what's app , text etc etc etc

You don't need a bad un
Sorry but I believe... Crudely .. " stick it in and you are involved " . So yes he did have a part to play

Practical piece of advice ? Has worked for me . Get this guy off his pedestal fast as you can babe . Write a list of things you don't like about him . Highlight the things that don't come up to your ideal man profile ! Has he a big nose ? Could you live with his morning breath ? Visualise him having a poo ? Would you be so infatuated if you had to care for him with a full on stomach bug ???

I was blocked by a guy before. It felt horrible .i got over him with these tricks and then met somebody else I just ... Simply thought .. Was so much better

LionHeartedWoman · 27/12/2015 19:39

Extremely painful for you. I am sorry you are in such distress. Sad

I think that he perhaps, in some way gave the impression (flattery, future faking) of potentially being the person who would to bring to you something that you maybe felt was always been missing a relationship. You are grieving for what you thought you were on the verge of having.

Is that what it felt like? Is that why you feel so bereft? It will get better

Tiggeryoubastard · 27/12/2015 19:41

Look. Whatever you imagine he did (and being keen then going off you when you profess love after two meetings then threaten suicide is entirely reasonable) your behaviour is not normal. Look to yourself. Get yourself help. You're just not hearing what's being said to you. Which is also indicative of mental health issues.

boredbylaundry · 27/12/2015 19:41

Lion hearted woman I love what you just wrote by the way

Original poster
Pain1 · 27/12/2015 19:45

Thank you
Yes my therapist said it's the grieving for what might have been. It's incredibly painful.
When I don't like a guy I shake his hand and say sorry it doesn't work for me.
He insisted I go straight to his place. I turned up after a few glasses of wine. What happened happened then afterwards he was quite personal about what he didn't like about me then said maybe something casual. After months of talkng. I felt i let myself down but I almost begged him to see me again. We did then the rest is history.
I never felt like this about anyone else not even my ex husband.
I ruined it with my behaviour.
It's done now.

Just so raw and painful still. So much pain.

OP posts:
LionHeartedWoman · 27/12/2015 19:46

Treat yourself with compassion. You've been hurt and are in pain. Coddle yourself.

I agree with bored, what compromises did you make in your head, in order for him to be 'perfect' ? Was this an abundantly texting/email/Whatsapp relationship initially before the two meet ups?

Original poster
Pain1 · 27/12/2015 19:46

Yes lion

OP posts:
Original poster
Pain1 · 27/12/2015 19:47

I did not imagine what he did tigger.
I know I have a mh problem obviously I do I can't get out of bed most days.

OP posts:
Cantwaittillboxingday · 27/12/2015 19:48

Are you managing to work op?

Original poster
Pain1 · 27/12/2015 19:49

No I quit work after it happened
I just had a new job

OP posts:
Cantwaittillboxingday · 27/12/2015 19:49

Oh no.

Original poster
Pain1 · 27/12/2015 19:50

It's affected my life monumentally
Which is why I'm trying to make sense of it

OP posts:
gatewalker · 27/12/2015 19:50

"Because he was everything I wanted even if he wasn't perfect and didn't treat me very well I still had what felt like love."

This, OP. If you haven't already, I'd suggest exploring the kind of relationship you had with your family when you were growing up, because what it sounds like to me is that this particular man triggered a formative relationship - one that had a significant impact on you. One where you weren't treated very well, but you thought it was love.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 27/12/2015 19:51

Reading between the lines, did you agree to participate in a sex act/type of sex that you wouldn't normally have agreed to?

Has this left you feeling 'assaulted' even though you agreed to it because you felt you were agreeing to it in one type of relationship, but he then changed the parametres?

LionHeartedWoman · 27/12/2015 19:52

He first said everything he said to reel you in. Grab your attention , get you to like him.

I bet you are the sort of person who sees the best in other's. So you expect people to be decent and straightforward.

There are many people who are quite the opposite of straightforward and decent.

I am sorry, the dating OLD world, is stuffed to over flowing with people who will hurt you if you are not very careful. And even when you are.

Original poster
Pain1 · 27/12/2015 19:52

Yes gate he was a massive trigger
A massive one
But it doesn't change anything. I still feel for him immensely.

OP posts:
Cantwaittillboxingday · 27/12/2015 19:54

What does the rational part of you say about all this?

Original poster
Pain1 · 27/12/2015 19:54

Yes this you're on the right lines and something physically painful (not really sexual ) he did to me I didn't consent to just before I left. I don't know why that would mess me up but it did.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pain1 · 27/12/2015 19:55

Rational part says: I'm unwell. He didn't do anything that wrong. I got mixed messages. I bags bed v badly and made a fool of myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pain1 · 27/12/2015 19:55

*Behaved

OP posts:
Cantwaittillboxingday · 27/12/2015 19:56

Well you say it there, you're unwell. It sounds like you need more help and support than you are getting from a therapist.

TonySopranosVest · 27/12/2015 19:59

He doesn't sound very nice really - he told you things that he didn't like about you?

You are suffering from limerance - please google it or do a search on here, there was a fascinating thread about it - a real eye opener.

You will have to wait this out unfortunately. I recommend keeping busy, lots of exercise, and keep up with the therapy. This feeling will pass.

TonySopranosVest · 27/12/2015 20:01

X posted. And he physically hurt you? Poor you OP.