Do I tell DP I'm bisexual

[hedleylamarre]

I've known that I swung both ways since I was 16, and it's never been a big deal for me, although I've usually been quite discreet about it, and I've only had a few same-sex couplings. My last relationship ended, however, when I told my then-DP that I felt was attracted to men as well as women- this seemed to freak her out, and she ended things not long after, saying she wasn't comfortable going out with a bisexual- I think she may have misinterpreted that I was asking for permission to 'play around'- which I wasn't and wouldn't do in a monogamous relationship anyway.

Fast-forward 2 years and I'm now in a relationship with a woman who I care for deeply and with whom I can see things developing. She has some trust issues though (her previous 2 boyfriends both cheated on her, and the last gaslighted her to cover it up), and she wants us both to be completely honest with one another about everything. And I really want to be open with her and tell her about the way I am, not because I want to play around, but just so she knows who I am, but I'm worried that it'll put her off as well, because she might also be worried that it's part of me she can't satisfy (when it doesn't matter)

kewcumber if you're happy with your man fucking men, great. It ain't for me darling. You maybe need to higher the bar.

OP - if Beach is your girlfriend I suspect you're dooooomed.

Many straight, lesbian and gay people have bi partners and manage to be perfectly grown up about it ILive. Your issues sound unique to you.

No deal breaker for me but, as people said I would like to know. In the forst mounths of our relationship, DP told me things he did that I was uncomfortable with. I asked lots of questions, and once i understood a bit more how he felt about it, I was fine. It also showed me I could trust him to be honest about sensitive subjects. Years in the relationship it would be a whole different situation as people have said.

I'd prefer my men not to fuck anyone thanks. I don't have a male/female specific prohibition. But who they've done in the past is no odds to me and if they move onto another relationship with a man, it matters little to me if we're history.

My bar it pretty high. It just doesn't include who or how they've had sex previously (provided its legal).

Mind you I am pig ugly so I have to be grateful for what I can get.

We all have history/baggage/secrets in our past. In my case I had done something I was very ashamed of (not saying you should be ashamed of being bi), but I wanted DH to know because I did not want any secrets. Told him, he did not see it as a big deal.
It's a common dilemma - how much of our past do we reveal?

OMFG. Straight women don't want their husbands to fancy men.

Nope. You don't get to speak for every straight woman on this planet. I find sharing another man with a male partner HOT AS FUCK. And I suspect the majority of straight women are not as ignorant, insulting and just plain nasty-minded as you. Thankfully.

Does that make us bigotted?
Yep.

And I notice Ilive that you ignored my question. How many lesbians did you interview about their attitude to potential partners who had slept with men? You know, amongst your extensive friendship group of many lesbians. I really want to learn your research techniques.

And I know you're really interested in me and everything, but I have to let you down. I'm mainly straight. And I don't fuck bigoted wankstains.

So, is any girl on here going to actually say that their husband butt fucks men and they love it? Please hold up hands if that's you.

I once dated a man who used to button his short right up to the neck (without a tie) until his early 20's (I saw the pictures). Now that I couldn't get past.

Beach - so you did daydream about standing at the altar, gazing at your dream guy, and imagining his ex girlfriend riding him like a pony?

pocketsaviour are you a man or woman

Are you hard of understanding Beach - being bisexual is not a licence to cheat so no I have never had a partner who I would knowingly allow to have sexual relations with another person.

But as I've previously stated I had a long term partner who told me of his bisexual experiences and I didn't run screaming in the opposite direction.

Aw bless you love, I don't think you'll find many people on here who are in poly relationships. So you might want to rephrase your question as "Would you mind if your husband had previously had sex with a man". But the OP already did that, didn't he, and we all answered.

Probably time you put yourself to bed. Where you can dream about all the disgusting anal sex you want. You're REALLY focused on that part, aren't you? It's all about the butt sex for some people.

Kew I think she's deliberately looking for attention now, sad to say. Like a naughty toddler throwing poo at the wall.

Annwfyn - thats was kind of what i wanted to ask - I mean who really wants to think in too much detail about what their current partner used to do sexually with their previous partners. Other than on a fairly general level - I mean I've never really had a conversation that went "So tell me Dave, did you ever bury yourself balls deep in the arse of Alice then?"

Kew

DH and I have never had the 'previous partners' conversation in 20 years. I couldn't give a monkey's where he put it before meeting me.

I am in a monogamous relationship, so if DP were to butt fuck anyone, I would be pretty pissed off. If he'd told me when she started dating that he'd had a couple of boyfriends in the past, that wouldn't have been a big deal.

I find it pretty amusing pocket I mean as Devora will testify to I'm really very plain vanilla middle class middle aged housewife with a penchant for "manly" men and I managed to grasp that my previous partner had encounters with men before me without shrieking and swooning.

I'm single currently btw hence the "penchant for manly men" - I'm not polyamorous!

Mind you how the hell I'm single when I apparently set the bar so low is a mystery.

I misread the OP and thought it was a woman speaking, now I've realised it's a man that makes the nastiness on this thread even more vile. (Don't worry OP, most people are a bit more grown up than that!)

OP - are you still following this? Will you tell her?

Wow Beach . Why so angry?

I agree with previous posters, be honest and open. Explain that bisexuality doesn't mean 'incapable of monogamy' (if you need to I mean). If she can't deal with it then she's not The One.

Not a deal breaker for me, but I would appreciate the opportunity for me to make my mind up for myself in every individual circumstance IYSWIM

You should tell her

Beach...you sound pissed or high or both. Your homophobia is jarring.

Oh my, this is going well, isn't it?

Op, I hope some of the stuff posted is helpful.

Surely the thread is not about our individual sexual preferences, but about open communication between adults in a loving relationship. But I may have that wrong.