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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Married man asking questions about my sexual habits

192 replies

bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:16

This is dodgy isn't it? I've known him since we were children. Would you assume he was up to something?

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 04/10/2015 12:18

Definitely dodgy. Have you asked him why he wants to know?

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:22

He says he's interested in what other people do. Also questions about my underwear. As I say I have known him a really long time and he seems keen to make clear he's not up to anything - he loves his wife etc but it seems inappropriate to me.

OP posts:
mrstweefromtweesville · 04/10/2015 12:23

Dodgy.
Review your relationship. Has he been trying to get closer to you for a while? Is he reaching desperation point?

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:25

He has been messaging me on Facebook. At first it seems friendly but the conversation always goes onto sex.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 04/10/2015 12:26

Just doing some market research, is he?

Do you answer?

If you don't like it, tell him so in no uncertain terms.

MissMarpleCat · 04/10/2015 12:27

Definitely dodgy, block him.

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:28

it sounds like I need to avoid further conversation then.

OP posts:
Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:28

I can't block him because our parents are friends and his sister is one of my oldest friends.

OP posts:
MissMarpleCat · 04/10/2015 12:30

Very likely he's getting off on your responses. He's a voyeuristic perve using you for sexual gratification. Yuck.

TheStoic · 04/10/2015 12:31

I can't block him because our parents are friends and his sister is one of my oldest friends.

You can do whatever you like. You're a grown up.

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:32

Well the main thing that bothers me is that he's married. If I was in a relationship with a man who was doing this I'd be angry. And he has young DC

OP posts:
tribpot · 04/10/2015 12:33

You can't block him on Facebook because you're friends with his sister? What's he going to do, complain to her?

My best friend is a guy and no way would we discuss something like this. Urgh.

noblegiraffe · 04/10/2015 12:35

Tell him you'll be sending his messages to his wife to see what she thinks of them if he continues?

OldCrowMedicineShow · 04/10/2015 12:38

He sounds decidedly creepy, OP.

Block him on Facebook and avoid him in real life. It is none of his business what you wear, your sexual habits, etc. You obviously feel uncomfortable with him, has he been doing this for a long time?

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:39

Yes I suppose you're right. Im really surprised at him - he always seemed normal. Do a lot of men behave this way? :(

OP posts:
BIWI · 04/10/2015 12:39

Take charge! Stand up to him and tell him it's nothing to do with him, and ask him why he is asking you such inappropriate questions. I'm shocked that you have to even ask if this is dodgy.

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:39

No, he does it on and off but in the past it was much more subtle

OP posts:
BIWI · 04/10/2015 12:40

What on earth do you think his wife would say if she saw his posts? And how much have you actually engaged in these conversations?

OldCrowMedicineShow · 04/10/2015 12:40

No boden, most men don't behave this way. Not the ones that I know anyway.

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:43

If I was his wife I know what I would say! I think he does it when she's out.

He then said 'oh I'm not asking in a sexual way'

OP posts:
Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:45

He asked me if I wear skinny jeans. And then it ended up other things like he wants a lot etc. Interspersed with normal conversation

OP posts:
Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:45

Wanks

OP posts:
MissMarpleCat · 04/10/2015 12:46

You can either tell him to fuck off and mind his own business or you'll tell his wife and sister
Or
Ignore him

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 04/10/2015 12:47

Ok, I'll just ignore him from now on.

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 04/10/2015 12:47

I'm sorry but he sounds very manipulative, he is using/banking on your close relationships that surround you both ie parents his sister etc to be able to push the boundaries with you thinking due to those relationships you won't "rock the boat" because you wouldn't want to hurt them. And it's working to a degree already as you won't block him etc.

I'm sorry your in this horrible situation.