Married man asking questions about my sexual habits

[bodenbiscuit]

This is dodgy isn't it? I've known him since we were children. Would you assume he was up to something?

No offence to a bunch married posters, but seriously they've no idea the tightrope single mothers have to walk sometimes. It's an old fashioned concept but I feel like my reputation has been besmirched twice

fuck it, you may insist, they're wrong, so fuck them, yeh, blah blah blah. It still bothers me a little though, that gossips leapt to think the worst on two innocent occasions.

Yes you're right - I should have just ignored him from the beginning but the last time he was talking to me there was no sexual content - it was amped up in the last communication.

The last time I blocked someone on Facebook because of her fox hunting pictures, although I had nothing against her, I then bumped into her in Tescos and it was obvious That she was upset with me for blocking her.

It's not an ego boost - I don't need an ego boost from him - far from it.

Well yes I don't post on here nearly as much as I used to years ago - perhaps the dynamic has changed.

Are you still around Op ?

Urgh, what a predatory arsehole! Glad you told him to ftfo.

I worry very much about your boundary control. You have to shut down anyone making you feel uncomfortable and absolutely have the right to make decisions based on behaviour that is or is not acceptable to you.

Block him

I doubt his sister or parents will even notice. If they do, I doubt they'd say anything to you about it.

If they do say anything, just say you blocked him because he said some inappropriate things to you which you didn't like. You don't have to say what he said if you don't want to.

I just wanted to come back to this thread and let you all know that I have been diagnosed with Autism recently. It’s not a borderline diagnosis and the assessor thinks I should get PIP.

So, I’m posting this in case anyone comes across this thread. So that you realise that for some of us the world of social interaction IS genuinely confusing and difficult to navigate. As a young child I used to let other children pinch me and make no response. I do struggle to know how to appropriately respond to predatory advances.

Before you use ‘cheater script, loser script’ rhetoric do consider that a lot of us adults with autism slipped through the net as children.

Add his wife to the chat 😂

This is a zombie thread - sorry if I caused confusion.

I’m trying to spread awareness of why some people genuinely don’t know how to respond to this sort of thing.

I'm glad you've found some reasoning for all of this.
I know nothing about autism, only from this site.
Good luck with everything.

Thanks. A lot of people with Autism have what’s called Alexithymia which I have. It means you can’t identify your own feelings. Some of the posters on the thread were actually right - it’s not ‘normal’ for a grown up to not know how to deal with this sort of thing. And I am not ‘normal’ so that’s why this arises. In short , I don’t intuitively know what people’s intentions are.

I can now at least try to work on the things that I find difficult. And I know I am at a disadvantage so need to protect myself more.

boden/lottie It's really interesting to read your update. I hope you get any help you need. I am amazed at how suspicious and unpleasant some people were to you on this thread. Good luck

Well I was frustrated by some of the responses because I knew I didn’t like what was happening & I was not believed. But if you’ve been cheated on I guess you are not going to be sympathetic, perhaps.

I felt the need to set the record straight because at the time I posted this thread I was so upset by it that I asked MNHQ to take it down. They refused because they said it was important to raise awareness about situations like this.

Hi Boden / Lottie

Thank you for coming back to update us. That does really help with the understanding of a much-misunderstood situation. I for one, certainly appreciate it.

Thanks Zesty :)

Thanks for the update.
Reading this thread I was annoyed at the way some people did indeed victim blame. I understood perfectly that you were pointing out how people were blaming you for his behaviour but that you weren't regarding yourself as a victim. I thought you were very insightful! I felt like they were willfully misunderstanding you.

I am glad that you have a diagnosis that helps you understand your difficulty with boundaries.
Can I say as well that some people who grow up in dysfunctional situations don't learn boundaries unless they consciously work on them as an adult.
So to other MN's, don't presume the correct way to behave is obvious to everyone and shame people when they don't automatically know.

Thank you runout. And yes I absolutely agree that people can have been abused in childhood which can lead to problems with setting boundaries.